It is 5:37am. I was just woken up by my stomach. I threw up a few times in the kitchen sink. I feel better now though. Since I am now awake, I figured would take this time to update everyone a little on my progress.

On Wednesday September 9, the day after getting my second chemotherapy treatment, I made a post on Facebook stating that I could already tell that I was going to handle this round of chemotherapy better than my first round of chemotherapy. While that may be true, this round definitely has hit me hard.

I had an appointment with Dr. Cardiges on Thursday. He stated that I even though I was relatively alright now, that the medicine would take a while to fully travel through my system and I would have a delayed negative affect that would take place this weekend. While I took what he said into consideration, I was kind of feeling myself a little too much. I was very optimistic. Even though I had no appetite, I was feeding myself Jevity and drinking lots of water. I was being very proactive. I was resting. My mind was positive. My spirits were high. This time was definitely going to be different than last time. Boy was I wrong.

After getting my haircut on Friday morning, I started to get really, really tired. I fell asleep in the barbershop. After getting home from the barbershop, I decided to take a nap. Before I went to sleep I scheduled for my silent partner to pick Maecee up from school. I figured I would take a short nap, be re-energized, and be able to hang out with my daughter for the remainder of the night.

I ended up falling asleep at around 2pm. I woke up at around 8pm. So much for only taking a short nap. When I woke up Maecee and my silent partner were in the kitchen doing arts and crafts. I went to the bathroom and then joined them at the kitchen table. I was so weak and so sick. Pretty much the second I sat down, I began to throw up all over the place. I hate being sick around my daughter. To her I am the man, her superhero, and the person who can do no wrong and fix every problem. I couldn’t help it though. The delayed effect of my Cisplatin chemotherapy treatment was here, and it was not stopping for anyone.

I threw up every ounce of liquid I had in my body. I knew I had to go to the emergency room to be hydrated. I had nothing left. And when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. Here is a picture of me in the emergency room. 

Again it is hard for me to describe what this feeling feels like. Maybe the picture will help conceptualize it. It’s beyond being tired. You literally feel lifeless. You cannot move. You have NO ENERGY. You have NOTHING. I slept in the car until I was able to be seen by the doctor.  Nevin came to the doctor because he saw me post it on Facebook. I love you Nevin. He kept my silent partner company until they called me to one of the emergency rooms. I ended up getting an IV and getting the fluids that I needed to get me back to a more stable state. I was able to leave the hospital at around 2am.

On Saturday I just pretty much stayed in the house. I took turns feeding myself Jevity, sleeping, and throwing up. I was able to watch a little football and look at my phone in between too. Saturday night I ate a little soup which was promising. Slow progress.

On Sunday morning I woke up with a little energy. I decided that I wanted to go to my flag football teams scrimmage. I just wanted to get out of the house and see the guys. It felt really good getting outside. I spoke to my teammates as well as a lot of other friends that I have who play on other teams. Those normal interactions and just being out and being normal mean EVERYTHING to me right now. It seems like the length of my game coincided with my energy level, because as soon as we got into the car I was ready to go home. I was tired, and all out of energy.

Before going home, my silent partner asked me if I wanted to try to get something to eat from the diner. I accepted. We went to my favorite diner which is Sunrise on South 4^th St. I was able to eat some soup, a very little bit of salad, a small amount of mashed potatoes, and a very small amount of salmon. I didn’t immediately throw any of it up either. Slow progress.

The rest of my Sunday I spent in bed. I got home from the diner at around 1. I was basically taking turns sleeping, feeding myself Jevity’s, and watching football. At round 8 I ate some macaroni and cheese and fish through my mouth, which was a success. Cisplatin chemotherapy really takes your appetite. Like even though I cannot taste, somehow the treatment just makes the body not want to take food in through the mouth. I cannot explain it. So any food that I was able to get down was a positive. Slow progress.

I guess the point of this post is that I have to respect Cancer and respect the process. Even though I want to be optimistic and get better fast, I need to realize I am not going to be able to do this at my pace. This is going to continue to be a challenge. I need to remain mentally strong and very patient. It is sooooo hard, but I am going to get through it. I just need to realize that at times my progress may be slow. As long as I am going in the right direction, that is alright. 

...

While I am up, I was looking through some pictures and videos where I was normal and Cancer free. I figured I would share some. I can't wait to get back to this... 

190 pounds!!! I was a man! This is when I gave my mom a surprise visit to AZ on Mother's Day. It is crazy how fast my body deteriorated to what it is. I will be back though!

Video of me Pre-Cancer dunking at Skyzone

Me dancing with the kids... where do you think they got it from?

Maecee working on her game...

Big sleepovers!!!!

All of this will happen soon enough. I just need to continue to tell myself progress will be slow... but it will happen. I need to get ready for radiation. Three more weeks of treatment left. I will make it through. I love ya'll. I hope you enjoy your day. 

-Kyle

www.kylekostic.blogspot.com

www.gofundme.com/kylekostic