It is August 30th, 2018... at 7:45am
I am sitting in the sand on my basketball listening to the song "All that I can say" by Mary J. Blidge.
Around 3 years ago to the day, I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing. I had cancer. I figured the blog would be informative to some, inspriational to others, and open to all. I figured if I passed away, the blog would provide a documented example of the feelings, physical deterioration, and the death of a cancer patient. I figured the blog could be used as research some day... since my degree is in psychology and I am familiar with how research works. I took videos and pictures of me enduring chemotherapy and radiation treatments, feeding myself through a feeding tube, up to and including moments where I literally thought I was going to die. I poured my heart into every word... up to, including, and after the day that I committed character suicide. I literally gave it my all.
It is now 8:01 am.
The last 3 years have culminated into this:
I am extremely grateful to be alive. This whole experience has left me with so many more questions than answers. All I know is that this thing called life is an amazing thing.
This experience had also shown me the honor, bravery, and the beauty of life and death in a variety of ways. I have gotten a chance to experience and view faith. That is an amazing feeling and a beautiful thing to see. I cannot conceptualize the pure grattitude I have for every moment with no pain, no hunger, and no fear.
This experience taught me that I cannot live my life continuously attempting to correct the past or attempting to control the future. This experience taught me that it is necessary to continuously address the pain from my past and the uncertainty of the future. After I am done feeling these emotions I let them move through me, and I let them go. I then use my knowledge, experience, and intuition to put myself in the best situations that allow me to enjoy the most moments that life can bring.
I published the book, "The DEATH OF a CANCER patient" on May 31, 2018. I know what I think it is. I also know what it isn't. People are are starting to figure out what that means.
My blog has so much useful information. My Instagram does too:
All of my Instagram(and Facebook) posts were extensions of this blog. Prior to this experience, I didn't have social media. It was in response to information about me that was circulating about me on social media which led to me creating social media. I didn't have Facebook until August of 2015, or Instagram until April of 2017. All of it was for documentation purposes.
At this point, I feel like I have documented enough. Since today is just over 3 years since this blog began, today would be a good time to give it a certain level of closure. I'm not saying I'm not going to post again(not like anyone cares anyway). I am saying at this point, there is nothing more than I can say. I am still in the best shape of my life. I'm not going to take pictures of me with my shirt off, doing push-ups, or playing sports anymore. You can just scroll down and refer to my Instagram posts, or just see me in person to validate me. This blog and social media, my book, and my health will eventually determine what all of this is. If my health deteriorates for any reason, I will check in. My book explains why I don't think that will happen. The longer I am at my best, my condition and my book will validate me. I no longer have to validate myself on a day to day basis.
At this point in my life, I want to live my life slow. I want to dedicate my energy to people, projects, and situations that are going to bring myself, the world, and the future of this planet foundation, joy, and love. I want to eat really good food every day. I want to exercise, write, and listen to music every day. I want my value to the world to be determined by the service, love, and hope I bring to others, and not by the financial impact of my actions. I want to be around people with similar vibrations and similar intentions. I want to continue to work through my pain, work through my issues, and continue to break myself down in efforts to create better versions of myself.
At this point in my life, I am just grateful to wake up. I am grateful for water. Food is the most amazing thing on Earth. Taking a deep breath of fresh air is wonderful. I cannot tell you how empowering I feel when I take a step, take a walk, or take a run. I cannot tell you how much pure fun I have when I ride my bike, shoot a basketball, or hang out with friends. At this point in my life, I am just grateful to be alive.
Emotional healing and me expressing that emotion was not pretty. That is ultimately what led to my current physical condition. I have currently come to a state of peace with everyone that I emotionally hurt... whether they accepted me back into their lives or not. I endured the karma of cancer, and accepted the loss of multiple relationships as a result of the actions of my past. For the family that I still have issues with, I hope they know that I love them, I miss them, and that I will always keep a space in my heart open for them.
I wrote and published a book in reference to how I healed from terminal cancer. I documented how I did it for the last 3 years. I will continuously check in... but I want to close this chapter. I'm not even trying to be corny and tie in the Mary J. Blidge song in from the beginning... but this blog, my social media, and my book are literally all that I can say at this point. I will continue to find ways to creatively spread the information I have learned from this experience, but I am no longer going to do it on a day to day basis.
So that's it for now. It is 9:21 am. I am going to go do some pullups while looking at the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Monica pier. I might even jump in today. See you around. Peace🙏🏽💜
-Love,
Kyle
I am sitting in the sand on my basketball listening to the song "All that I can say" by Mary J. Blidge.
Around 3 years ago to the day, I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing. I had cancer. I figured the blog would be informative to some, inspriational to others, and open to all. I figured if I passed away, the blog would provide a documented example of the feelings, physical deterioration, and the death of a cancer patient. I figured the blog could be used as research some day... since my degree is in psychology and I am familiar with how research works. I took videos and pictures of me enduring chemotherapy and radiation treatments, feeding myself through a feeding tube, up to and including moments where I literally thought I was going to die. I poured my heart into every word... up to, including, and after the day that I committed character suicide. I literally gave it my all.
It is now 8:01 am.
The last 3 years have culminated into this:
I am extremely grateful to be alive. This whole experience has left me with so many more questions than answers. All I know is that this thing called life is an amazing thing.
This experience had also shown me the honor, bravery, and the beauty of life and death in a variety of ways. I have gotten a chance to experience and view faith. That is an amazing feeling and a beautiful thing to see. I cannot conceptualize the pure grattitude I have for every moment with no pain, no hunger, and no fear.
This experience taught me that I cannot live my life continuously attempting to correct the past or attempting to control the future. This experience taught me that it is necessary to continuously address the pain from my past and the uncertainty of the future. After I am done feeling these emotions I let them move through me, and I let them go. I then use my knowledge, experience, and intuition to put myself in the best situations that allow me to enjoy the most moments that life can bring.
I published the book, "The DEATH OF a CANCER patient" on May 31, 2018. I know what I think it is. I also know what it isn't. People are are starting to figure out what that means.
My blog has so much useful information. My Instagram does too:
At this point, I feel like I have documented enough. Since today is just over 3 years since this blog began, today would be a good time to give it a certain level of closure. I'm not saying I'm not going to post again(not like anyone cares anyway). I am saying at this point, there is nothing more than I can say. I am still in the best shape of my life. I'm not going to take pictures of me with my shirt off, doing push-ups, or playing sports anymore. You can just scroll down and refer to my Instagram posts, or just see me in person to validate me. This blog and social media, my book, and my health will eventually determine what all of this is. If my health deteriorates for any reason, I will check in. My book explains why I don't think that will happen. The longer I am at my best, my condition and my book will validate me. I no longer have to validate myself on a day to day basis.
At this point in my life, I want to live my life slow. I want to dedicate my energy to people, projects, and situations that are going to bring myself, the world, and the future of this planet foundation, joy, and love. I want to eat really good food every day. I want to exercise, write, and listen to music every day. I want my value to the world to be determined by the service, love, and hope I bring to others, and not by the financial impact of my actions. I want to be around people with similar vibrations and similar intentions. I want to continue to work through my pain, work through my issues, and continue to break myself down in efforts to create better versions of myself.
At this point in my life, I am just grateful to wake up. I am grateful for water. Food is the most amazing thing on Earth. Taking a deep breath of fresh air is wonderful. I cannot tell you how empowering I feel when I take a step, take a walk, or take a run. I cannot tell you how much pure fun I have when I ride my bike, shoot a basketball, or hang out with friends. At this point in my life, I am just grateful to be alive.
Emotional healing and me expressing that emotion was not pretty. That is ultimately what led to my current physical condition. I have currently come to a state of peace with everyone that I emotionally hurt... whether they accepted me back into their lives or not. I endured the karma of cancer, and accepted the loss of multiple relationships as a result of the actions of my past. For the family that I still have issues with, I hope they know that I love them, I miss them, and that I will always keep a space in my heart open for them.
I wrote and published a book in reference to how I healed from terminal cancer. I documented how I did it for the last 3 years. I will continuously check in... but I want to close this chapter. I'm not even trying to be corny and tie in the Mary J. Blidge song in from the beginning... but this blog, my social media, and my book are literally all that I can say at this point. I will continue to find ways to creatively spread the information I have learned from this experience, but I am no longer going to do it on a day to day basis.
So that's it for now. It is 9:21 am. I am going to go do some pullups while looking at the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Monica pier. I might even jump in today. See you around. Peace🙏🏽💜
-Love,
Kyle
