It is 5:41pm. I am home alone sitting at the kitchen table listening to The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I haven’t been utilizing music enough. Good music makes me feel good. It takes me back to the time, place, and things that were going on when the music came out. This album came out in 1998, which was a good year. Shouts out to my dear friend Dorothy.

Anyway…  I know I haven’t updated this blog in a while. Life has really sucked that’s why. Who wants to hear a horror story anyway? Every day I still get text messages and Facebook messages from people asking me to write something, so apparently a few people do. Ok... but be careful what you wish for.

A few days ago I started my day like any other. I took all of my medication. I fed myself Jevity(Yes still). I have also starting mixing baby food with water and putting it in my tube, so I did that. I am now working from home (Thanks Dom), so I got my laptop and little work station ready so I could start my day.

As I sat down, something did not feel right. Now I am on all kinds of medication and constantly mixing new foods, so there is never really a time where my body “feels right.” But this was different. This was pain. All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I had to take a shit.

So I go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. The pain was excruciating. Nothing was coming out. I mean there was absolutely no movement at all. After sitting for a while, I realized that I was constipated.

I have been constipated before during this process. It was a few months ago. It was one of the worst days of my life. Since then I have been taking MiroLAX and Ducolax to soften my stool and prevent that horrific day from happening again. But I had gotten comfortable. I was tired of taking medication. I was trying to decrease my medication intake, and since I hadn’t been constipated in a while I decided to stop taking the MiroLAX and Ducolax. What a big mistake.

I am now in the bathroom sitting on the toilet, knowing that I am constipated. Even though I knew I was going to be unsuccessful, I tried to push and see if anything would move or come out. Nothing. Now I had my phone with me, so I started googling constipation remedies. One of the articles I read said to try walking around. By this time I was naked. I was home alone, so I started walking from the bathroom to the kitchen to the livingroom and back again. Nothing. The pain just kept getting worse and worse. Every so often I would sit back on the toilet, but there was absolutely no movement. Picture me in my kitchen with my feeding tube taped to my chest butt naked doing squats, lunges, jumping jacks, and all kinds of stretches trying to loosen myself up. Nothing was working. At this point I knew what I had to do.

***Warning… Graphic Content Ahead***

Once it got to this point, drastic times caused for drastic measures. I went into the kitchen and got a roll of paper towels. I then went into the bathroom and closed the door. Now picture me butt naked standing in my bathroom in the most horrible pain in the world. I turned on the shower just to have some background noise. I then turned the sink water on, got my hand wet, and wet my anus. I then put my leg on the tub, and stuck my pinky finger up my anus. Pain. I could feel the shit. It was as hard as a rock. Well maybe not exactly as hard as a rock, but at least as hard as some recently dried up mud.

So for the next few minutes I try to break up as much of the shit as possible. I am in all kinds of pain, but I know I have to do what I have to do. After I feel like I broke up enough, I sat back on the toilet and tried to go again. Nothing. I then got up and put my pointer finger in my anus, followed by my middle finger. I broke up as much shit as I could, and tried to go again. Nothing. At this point instead of breaking up the shit, I figured I would try to pull it out with my hands. So little by little, I start to pull out very tiny pieces of shit. By now I am bleeding, crying, and just a mess. Remember I still have them phlegm in my mouth, so I am simultaneously spitting while all of this is going on.

I spent about 30 minutes doing this, but I still couldn't go. I am still in excruciating pain. I needed an enema. I wanted to call Abby to have her get me one, but I knew she was probably with a student or in a meeting, and wouldn’t be able to come home. The campus she was working at was too far from home anyway. I needed the enema ASAP. At this point I got in the shower, and tightened my anus the entire time. I tried to stay as still as possible in hopes of my stomach settling. When I realized my stomach wasn’t going to get any better, I got out of the shower, got dressed, and went to the CVS down the street from my house.

I got the enema. The lady at CVS looked at me like I was crazy. She was trying to talk to me, but I motioned to her that I couldn’t talk. She then saw that I was getting an enema and an enema only, and that I was sweating. I also had on no socks and a zip up hoodie with no shirt underneath. I didn't give a DAMB. After she put everything together, she let me be on my way.

When I got back to the house I took off all of my clothes, went to the bathroom, and put in the enema. If you don't know the enema process... you have to lay on your stomach, stick a bottle in your anus, and squirt this solution into your body that is supposed to soften your stool and make you have to go. After I put in the enema, I laid face down right outside of the bathroom door. After a few minutes, I felt myself really having to go. I laid there until I couldn’t hold it anymore. I had to go really bad. So I jumped up and sat on the toilet.

All that was coming out was the liquid from the enema. My shit still had not broken up. The bad part of all of this was that the enema was forcing me to try to go. So now I am constipated, I have a huge piece of shit in my stomach, and my body is trying to force it out of me. NIGHTMARE.

At this point all I could do was continue to try to pull the shit out of my anus. I spent the next 30 minutes taking turns pulling shit out of my anus and trying to go. This was HELL. I would sit on the toilet and literally push as hard as I possibly could like I was pregnant. It was the worst feeling ever. After a while I started to be able to go, but there was still that big piece that was causing all of the pain that wouldn’t come out. I kept doing the same thing, kept getting closer and closer, but it still wouldn’t come out. 

While I was doing this, I felt like I had lost my mind. I was in another world. I had literally gone crazy. I felt like I was a prehistoric barbarian who pulled their tooth out without medicine. I felt like a character in the movie “SAW” that would have to do some barbaric task in order to save their life. 

In my mind I got to the point where I said this is going to come out. I was sweating like crazy, butt naked, screaming at the top of my lungs, snot and spit coming out of my nose and mouth, and pushing my body as hard as I possibly could. Eventually I broke through. Literally. I got out the piece that was blocking everything. Even though I was bleeding and in pain, it was such a relief. I sat on the toilet and made sure I got everything out.

The bathroom was such a mess. I took a shower before I cleaned up. After I cleaned up, I took another shower. While in the shower I just sat on the stool and cried. I was tired of all of these side effects. I was just tired. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this. Does anyone else have to go through the things I go through? I don’t know… I was just so frustrated.

After I got out of the shower, I just laid down. I had no energy. My anus was turned inside out and was ripped. From start to finish, the entire process took 5 hours. FIVE hours... 9am until 2pm. Crazy.

I cannot tell you how much this entire experience(not just the one i spoke of today) has made me value my health. I seriously give no DAMBS about money, material things, or anything else. I just want to be a healthy and normal individual. My health is priceless. Being normal is priceless. Your body is your temple. Take care of it! A lot of us have gotten away with being reckless for far too long. It will catch up to us. Be proactive and take care of yourself! 

I am done writing for now. I would tell the story of me throwing up on my doctor this morning (Yes this morning 11/9/15), but I guess I save that for another time. You all have a safe and healthy day. 

-Kyle