Wednesday, November 7, 2018
Friday, November 2, 2018
It is Thursday, November 1st, 2018, at 1:40 pm. I am babysitting Tristan and watching Paw Patrol. I just got back from eating at the diner with Josh and Shannon. Before that, we were all at the gym.
I am chilling. Life is ok. I have gotten through a lot, and feel like I am in a good flow.
This morning I woke up to really bad news. Opening up to myself in this space is one of the ways I help release emotion that I need get out.
Every day I hear about death. One day it is a mass shooting. One day it is disease. One day it is an accident. One day it is suicide. I could keep going, but I think you get the point.
Every morning that I wake up, I face my own death. I put myself back into the mental space of the moment prior to my lung cancer surgery... a surgery that I was told that I would potentially not make it out of.
Every time that I have woken up from a night, a nap, or a nod-off since I woke up from my surgery... I have woken up with a fresh boyish exuberance. Like I am so grateful and so giddy to wake up every morning without experiencing any pain. I love being able to simply listen, feel, smell, touch, and taste. I have an enormous amount of gratitude for every drop of water that I drink and every bite of food that I eat. I am so grateful to have the potential to create love, art, and many other forms of inspiration for people, with people, and for myself... every. single. day. I could keep going, but I think you get the point.
I am just genuinely happy to be alive.
I was scheduled to receive a PET Scan today at USC's Radiology Center. I decided not to undergo the procedure. I did not go.
The reason I did not go because I was afraid.
The doctors wanted to give me an IV, iodine, and a solution called Fluorine-18. They wanted to put all of that inside of my body. They then wanted to put my body inside of a machine so they could scan it. That scan would then determine if I had any cancer in my body.
I am going to be completely honest.... I am afraid to put myself back into the current medical system. I am afraid to put my body in the hands of people that cannot tell me why I had cancer, and cannot tell me how to heal from cancer. I am afraid of completing any treatment recommendations, doing any body scans, or putting anything in my body that is a product of the current system. I am afraid of putting myself and my body back into a system that has not only failed myself, but has failed multiple other people for as long as cancer has been a disease and the current protocols have been in place.
I woke up from my initial biopsy with stitcthes on the roof of my mouth that I should not have had. The chemo/radiation regimen that I endured failed. None of the medicine the doctors prescribed me took away my pain, or my cancer.
Nothing the system did for my cancer has helped me.
I went on to research how opioids became the standard of care. I went on to research why plant based medicine was made illegal.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/30/the-family-that-built-an-empire-of-pain
https://www.businessinsider.com/racist-origins-marijuana-prohibition-legalization-2018-2
All of that has been documented on this space. I am legitimately afraid of what could potentially go wrong next by putting myself back into that system.
Here is the thing... I might continue to use the system as an option if I did not know why I had cancer, or couldn't explain why I am still alive today after being told I had one(1) year to live... two(2) years ago this month. After researching, enduring, and comparing multiple lived treatment experiences of my own, I feel like I have learned enough about cancer to now be able to explain why I got it, as well as why I continue to stay healthy... despite being told I had one year to live... two years ago this month.
I wrote two(2) books about how I healed from cancer. I do not want to make this post about the books, even though I will talk about them later. While writing the books and continuing to understand what happened to me, I came up with a quicker way of explaining both what cancer is, and how to continuously remove it from my body.
The key to helping me understanding all of this?
The first two questions that GOD spoke in the bible.
I had never read the bible... up until a month ago. Even then I only finished the first few paragraphs of Genesis. I'm not going to explain why I did not keep going. All I will say is that the bible is a really neat book.
I am not religious. I am not Christian. I definitely do believe in GOD though.
The first two(2) questions in The Bible are...
"Where are you?"
AND
"What are you?"
The second question is what really jumped out at me.
I know that I am a human named Kyle Kostic.
That makes me who I am.
But really... what am I?
I am a human.
Ok.
But what is a human?
When broken down... all humans consist of the elements below:
I am chilling. Life is ok. I have gotten through a lot, and feel like I am in a good flow.
This morning I woke up to really bad news. Opening up to myself in this space is one of the ways I help release emotion that I need get out.
Every day I hear about death. One day it is a mass shooting. One day it is disease. One day it is an accident. One day it is suicide. I could keep going, but I think you get the point.
Every morning that I wake up, I face my own death. I put myself back into the mental space of the moment prior to my lung cancer surgery... a surgery that I was told that I would potentially not make it out of.
Every time that I have woken up from a night, a nap, or a nod-off since I woke up from my surgery... I have woken up with a fresh boyish exuberance. Like I am so grateful and so giddy to wake up every morning without experiencing any pain. I love being able to simply listen, feel, smell, touch, and taste. I have an enormous amount of gratitude for every drop of water that I drink and every bite of food that I eat. I am so grateful to have the potential to create love, art, and many other forms of inspiration for people, with people, and for myself... every. single. day. I could keep going, but I think you get the point.
I am just genuinely happy to be alive.
I was scheduled to receive a PET Scan today at USC's Radiology Center. I decided not to undergo the procedure. I did not go.
The reason I did not go because I was afraid.
The doctors wanted to give me an IV, iodine, and a solution called Fluorine-18. They wanted to put all of that inside of my body. They then wanted to put my body inside of a machine so they could scan it. That scan would then determine if I had any cancer in my body.
I am going to be completely honest.... I am afraid to put myself back into the current medical system. I am afraid to put my body in the hands of people that cannot tell me why I had cancer, and cannot tell me how to heal from cancer. I am afraid of completing any treatment recommendations, doing any body scans, or putting anything in my body that is a product of the current system. I am afraid of putting myself and my body back into a system that has not only failed myself, but has failed multiple other people for as long as cancer has been a disease and the current protocols have been in place.
I woke up from my initial biopsy with stitcthes on the roof of my mouth that I should not have had. The chemo/radiation regimen that I endured failed. None of the medicine the doctors prescribed me took away my pain, or my cancer.
Nothing the system did for my cancer has helped me.
I went on to research how opioids became the standard of care. I went on to research why plant based medicine was made illegal.
https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/10/30/the-family-that-built-an-empire-of-pain
https://www.businessinsider.com/racist-origins-marijuana-prohibition-legalization-2018-2
All of that has been documented on this space. I am legitimately afraid of what could potentially go wrong next by putting myself back into that system.
Here is the thing... I might continue to use the system as an option if I did not know why I had cancer, or couldn't explain why I am still alive today after being told I had one(1) year to live... two(2) years ago this month. After researching, enduring, and comparing multiple lived treatment experiences of my own, I feel like I have learned enough about cancer to now be able to explain why I got it, as well as why I continue to stay healthy... despite being told I had one year to live... two years ago this month.
I wrote two(2) books about how I healed from cancer. I do not want to make this post about the books, even though I will talk about them later. While writing the books and continuing to understand what happened to me, I came up with a quicker way of explaining both what cancer is, and how to continuously remove it from my body.
The key to helping me understanding all of this?
The first two questions that GOD spoke in the bible.
I had never read the bible... up until a month ago. Even then I only finished the first few paragraphs of Genesis. I'm not going to explain why I did not keep going. All I will say is that the bible is a really neat book.
I am not religious. I am not Christian. I definitely do believe in GOD though.
The first two(2) questions in The Bible are...
"Where are you?"
AND
"What are you?"
The second question is what really jumped out at me.
I know that I am a human named Kyle Kostic.
That makes me who I am.
But really... what am I?
I am a human.
Ok.
But what is a human?
When broken down... all humans consist of the elements below:
So broken down... all humans consist of mostly oxygen.
What is oxygen?
Oxygen is air.
What is air?
Air is water.
So to answer God's second question... in it's simplest form...
I am predomniately water.
...
After I grasped that, I applied that to what I knew about water.
In doing my research on cancer, I came across the work of Dr. Masaru Emoto. In short, Dr. Emoto conducted a series of experiments that concluded that water holds emotion, and that human consciousness has an effect on the emotion that the water holds. Below is a 1 minute 21 second video that simply conceptualizes this:
After coming to an understanding of the information presented in the video, it helped me expound on my answer to God's second question:
I am predominately water.
Water holds emotion.
So... "What am I?"
I am a container for emotion.
...
Once I realized what my body was composed of the most, I thought about what my body did the most..
Simply put, the thing I do more than anything is breathe.
I breathe for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I then started doing correlations:
What is breath?
breath = air
What is air?
air = water
What is water?
water = emotion
Simply put...
I breathe for my entire life, so I am literally internalizing and externalizing water for my entire life.
Simply put...
I breathe for my entire life, so I am literally internalizing and externalizing emotion for my entire life.
...
Got it.
I then applied those concepts to my cancer.
In my books I explain how one(1) psychosomatic symptom was the cause of me living my life in fear, becoming an introvert, and was the ultimate cause of my cancer. I also explain how that moment changed my perception, and perpetuated more fear throughout my entire life.
I then did the correlations:
psychosomatic symptom = internalized emotion of fear
internalized emotion of fear = internalized water
more fear = more negative emotion
more internalized fear = more internalized negative water
Simply put...
If I internalize negative emotion for my entire life, I internalize negative water for my entire life.
...
I then applied the internalizing of my emotions to the chakras.
If I continuously internalize one emotion, that emotion would continuously flow into the body through the same chakra.
I then did the correlations:
water = emotion
my cancer = throat chakra issues
throat chakra issues = issues with communication, expression, and the truth
issues with communication, expression, and the truth = Kyle Kostic
Simply put...
If I continuously lie, I continuously internalize that same type of water, and that water would continuously flow into the body into the same space through the same chakra.
...
I then did the psychological correlations with Dr. Emoto's findings on water
psychosomatic symptom = suppressed/ignored thought
suppressed/ ignored thoughts = suppressed/ignored water
As shown in the Dr. Emoto video above, ignored water eventually rots.
I continuosly ignored a psychosomatic symptom(s) in my brain for over 30 years.
I continuosly ignored a specific type of water in my body for over 30 years.
That specific type of water was continuosly filtered to a continoulsy growing hidden space in my neck through my throat chakra.
That ignored water eventually rotted in my neck.
That ingnored water eventually turned into ice... because it was not being accessed by the heat/light/awarness inside of me.
Simply put...
cancer tumors = rotted ice
...
My first cancer syptom was an earache. The reason why I had an earache was because a ball of ice formed in my neck. That ball of ice was literally a ball full of lies. That ice was piercing a nerve in my neck that travelled up to my ear. That ice eventually spread to my neck, back of my throat, and my teeth.
Now... what did chemotherapy and radiation do?
It broke the ice inside of my neck, and turned it into water.
What was the result?
The tumor from my neck was gone... but the rotted water was redispersed throughout my body.
It started as Lymphedema... which is the swelling of the neck. Below is a before and after example of a gentleman with lymphodema.
My neck looked like the neck of this gentleman soon after chemotherapy and radiation concluded. The buldge in my neck was the result of the dispersment of negative emotion... or the water that was the result of the melted ice. That water eventually travelled all throughout my body, effecting all of my emotions. That is why my cancer metastacized to my bloodstream. The negative water dispersment/cancer process had polluted all of my emotions. I also continuolsy lied about my relationship... which is why I developed lung cancer and a ball of ice in my lung. My continued negativity kept making things worse.
...
I then applied all of this information to me.
How would I die from cancer?
If my body consists of 65-70 percent water, that means my organs and bones consist of the other 30-35 percent.
Ice is really hard, and can be really sharp.
I then thought about ice continuosly growing in my body, and the damage that it can do to all my internal organs as the ice grows.
That is how I would die from cancer.
The ice would eventually pierce my organs... ending my life from the insde out.
...
Once I came to this understanding, I then tried to reverse engineer my imminent death.
How do I remove ice in my body?
I first had to melt it.
How do you melt ice in the body?
Heat.
I then thought about the first question God asked:
"Where are you?"
I am on earth.
But really... what is earth?
Earth is comprised of trees, water, air, and fire.
I then thought about what the healthiest, strongest, and longest living thing on the earth is:
The longest living thing on this earth is a tree.
I then thought about what trees do all day.
Trees continuosly absorb air all day.
I then did the correlations:
Air = Water
Water = Emotion
Trees absorb air = Trees absorb emotion
Trees absorb light, and perform photosynthesis on earth = trees would absorb light, and perform photosynthesis(meditation) in my body
Trees absorb water on earth = trees would absord water I injested in my body.
If trees continuosly absorb water on earth... if I put a tree in my body... it should continuosly absorb water inside of my body.
If the sun, trees, and water performed photosynthesis on earth and released oxygen as a result... maybe my pineal gland(sun), nuerotransmitters(trees), and water(emotion) could perform meditation(photosynthesis) inside of my body... and the result would be released negative emotion from my body.
Fuck it. Lets give it a shot.
That resulted into this(from my book)...
My body literally completed photosynthesis by means of meditation.
My light viewed the dirty water, and filtered the dirty from the clean.
My awareness viewed ny negative emotion, and filtered the bad from the good.
My body then released that dirty water by urinating, having bowel movements, crying, sweating, and throwing up my dirty water.
My body then released that emotion by urinating(releasing water/cancer), having bowel movements( releasing hard rotted water/cancer), crying( releasing emotion), sweating( releasing emotion), and speaking my truth about my negative emotions/experiences, and actions.
The urinating, bowel movements, crying, and sweating moved the water slowly.
Throwing up and expressing myself moved the emotion in one wave.
The moment that literal wave of emotion left my body, I intuitively knew that I was ok.
I had never felt any more free.
...
To put things in persepective... that was 20 months ago. That was 4 months into my one(1) year to live. Yet here I am sitting here in the best shape of my life, like nothing ever happened.
That is a good thing. I want to feel normal. I want to be normal. I am normal. I just keep coming back to this space because I genuinely believe that I can help others. I try to explain how I healed to others in multiple ways, so they too can heal themselves. It is my hope that these words reach the right people, because these words have the right intentions.
With that being said, I just published my third book... "the death of a cancer patient ii."
This version is told in a different way, and provides a different prespective for the reader than part I. It is the contrast to the clarity that I attempted to provide in part I. Both part I and part ii can be read, enjoyed, and provide value on their own. They become an entirely different thing when put together, which makes having them together really neat.
The book is available for $1.00 on the amazon kindle app, and $4.88 on the amazon website. I do not make any money off of the sales of this version. I made this version available at the lowest cost possible, because I wanted to detach myself from the story and give what I felt like is a legitimate option in comparision to what our healthcare system currently provides. This is all about spreading the information. The link to my both of my books is below.
To bring everything together... I have been dealing with cancer since June of 2015. We are less than two months away from 2019. Canada just legalized marijuana for the entire country. Medical marijuana is now legal in 30 states. I lived in California for almost two years... and was at the forefront of a paradigm shift in this country in an effort to save my own life. I have two published books explaining how I got cancer, and how I healed from cancer. This post provides a different perspective using nature and the bible. I have learned a lot about this. If anyone wants it, they can have it. If nobody wants it, I will not force it on them.
This information will always be available on this blog for free. Unlike in my past, I am not going to stress myself out trying to share this information. I am going to continue to do my due diligence, and continue to try to provide what I have learned through my lived experieince in an effort to help others. The people that are ready to receive it will. It will always remain open to everyone else as needed.
If you got this far, I thank you. The intention of this post was to provide value to others. I hope it has been received.
I am now going to go for a walk... and contemplete the first question that God asked in the bible.
"Where am I?"
If water is emotion inside of my body, what does that mean about the water outside of my body?
What is a cloud?
A snowflake?
Ice?
...
I really do love all of you.
Talk to you soon.
-Kyle.
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Thursday, August 30, 2018
It is August 30th, 2018... at 7:45am
I am sitting in the sand on my basketball listening to the song "All that I can say" by Mary J. Blidge.
Around 3 years ago to the day, I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing. I had cancer. I figured the blog would be informative to some, inspriational to others, and open to all. I figured if I passed away, the blog would provide a documented example of the feelings, physical deterioration, and the death of a cancer patient. I figured the blog could be used as research some day... since my degree is in psychology and I am familiar with how research works. I took videos and pictures of me enduring chemotherapy and radiation treatments, feeding myself through a feeding tube, up to and including moments where I literally thought I was going to die. I poured my heart into every word... up to, including, and after the day that I committed character suicide. I literally gave it my all.
It is now 8:01 am.
The last 3 years have culminated into this:
I am extremely grateful to be alive. This whole experience has left me with so many more questions than answers. All I know is that this thing called life is an amazing thing.
This experience had also shown me the honor, bravery, and the beauty of life and death in a variety of ways. I have gotten a chance to experience and view faith. That is an amazing feeling and a beautiful thing to see. I cannot conceptualize the pure grattitude I have for every moment with no pain, no hunger, and no fear.
This experience taught me that I cannot live my life continuously attempting to correct the past or attempting to control the future. This experience taught me that it is necessary to continuously address the pain from my past and the uncertainty of the future. After I am done feeling these emotions I let them move through me, and I let them go. I then use my knowledge, experience, and intuition to put myself in the best situations that allow me to enjoy the most moments that life can bring.
I published the book, "The DEATH OF a CANCER patient" on May 31, 2018. I know what I think it is. I also know what it isn't. People are are starting to figure out what that means.
My blog has so much useful information. My Instagram does too:
All of my Instagram(and Facebook) posts were extensions of this blog. Prior to this experience, I didn't have social media. It was in response to information about me that was circulating about me on social media which led to me creating social media. I didn't have Facebook until August of 2015, or Instagram until April of 2017. All of it was for documentation purposes.
At this point, I feel like I have documented enough. Since today is just over 3 years since this blog began, today would be a good time to give it a certain level of closure. I'm not saying I'm not going to post again(not like anyone cares anyway). I am saying at this point, there is nothing more than I can say. I am still in the best shape of my life. I'm not going to take pictures of me with my shirt off, doing push-ups, or playing sports anymore. You can just scroll down and refer to my Instagram posts, or just see me in person to validate me. This blog and social media, my book, and my health will eventually determine what all of this is. If my health deteriorates for any reason, I will check in. My book explains why I don't think that will happen. The longer I am at my best, my condition and my book will validate me. I no longer have to validate myself on a day to day basis.
At this point in my life, I want to live my life slow. I want to dedicate my energy to people, projects, and situations that are going to bring myself, the world, and the future of this planet foundation, joy, and love. I want to eat really good food every day. I want to exercise, write, and listen to music every day. I want my value to the world to be determined by the service, love, and hope I bring to others, and not by the financial impact of my actions. I want to be around people with similar vibrations and similar intentions. I want to continue to work through my pain, work through my issues, and continue to break myself down in efforts to create better versions of myself.
At this point in my life, I am just grateful to wake up. I am grateful for water. Food is the most amazing thing on Earth. Taking a deep breath of fresh air is wonderful. I cannot tell you how empowering I feel when I take a step, take a walk, or take a run. I cannot tell you how much pure fun I have when I ride my bike, shoot a basketball, or hang out with friends. At this point in my life, I am just grateful to be alive.
Emotional healing and me expressing that emotion was not pretty. That is ultimately what led to my current physical condition. I have currently come to a state of peace with everyone that I emotionally hurt... whether they accepted me back into their lives or not. I endured the karma of cancer, and accepted the loss of multiple relationships as a result of the actions of my past. For the family that I still have issues with, I hope they know that I love them, I miss them, and that I will always keep a space in my heart open for them.
I wrote and published a book in reference to how I healed from terminal cancer. I documented how I did it for the last 3 years. I will continuously check in... but I want to close this chapter. I'm not even trying to be corny and tie in the Mary J. Blidge song in from the beginning... but this blog, my social media, and my book are literally all that I can say at this point. I will continue to find ways to creatively spread the information I have learned from this experience, but I am no longer going to do it on a day to day basis.
So that's it for now. It is 9:21 am. I am going to go do some pullups while looking at the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Monica pier. I might even jump in today. See you around. Peace🙏🏽💜
-Love,
Kyle
I am sitting in the sand on my basketball listening to the song "All that I can say" by Mary J. Blidge.
Around 3 years ago to the day, I started this blog. I had no idea what I was doing. I had cancer. I figured the blog would be informative to some, inspriational to others, and open to all. I figured if I passed away, the blog would provide a documented example of the feelings, physical deterioration, and the death of a cancer patient. I figured the blog could be used as research some day... since my degree is in psychology and I am familiar with how research works. I took videos and pictures of me enduring chemotherapy and radiation treatments, feeding myself through a feeding tube, up to and including moments where I literally thought I was going to die. I poured my heart into every word... up to, including, and after the day that I committed character suicide. I literally gave it my all.
It is now 8:01 am.
The last 3 years have culminated into this:
I am extremely grateful to be alive. This whole experience has left me with so many more questions than answers. All I know is that this thing called life is an amazing thing.
This experience had also shown me the honor, bravery, and the beauty of life and death in a variety of ways. I have gotten a chance to experience and view faith. That is an amazing feeling and a beautiful thing to see. I cannot conceptualize the pure grattitude I have for every moment with no pain, no hunger, and no fear.
This experience taught me that I cannot live my life continuously attempting to correct the past or attempting to control the future. This experience taught me that it is necessary to continuously address the pain from my past and the uncertainty of the future. After I am done feeling these emotions I let them move through me, and I let them go. I then use my knowledge, experience, and intuition to put myself in the best situations that allow me to enjoy the most moments that life can bring.
I published the book, "The DEATH OF a CANCER patient" on May 31, 2018. I know what I think it is. I also know what it isn't. People are are starting to figure out what that means.
My blog has so much useful information. My Instagram does too:
At this point, I feel like I have documented enough. Since today is just over 3 years since this blog began, today would be a good time to give it a certain level of closure. I'm not saying I'm not going to post again(not like anyone cares anyway). I am saying at this point, there is nothing more than I can say. I am still in the best shape of my life. I'm not going to take pictures of me with my shirt off, doing push-ups, or playing sports anymore. You can just scroll down and refer to my Instagram posts, or just see me in person to validate me. This blog and social media, my book, and my health will eventually determine what all of this is. If my health deteriorates for any reason, I will check in. My book explains why I don't think that will happen. The longer I am at my best, my condition and my book will validate me. I no longer have to validate myself on a day to day basis.
At this point in my life, I want to live my life slow. I want to dedicate my energy to people, projects, and situations that are going to bring myself, the world, and the future of this planet foundation, joy, and love. I want to eat really good food every day. I want to exercise, write, and listen to music every day. I want my value to the world to be determined by the service, love, and hope I bring to others, and not by the financial impact of my actions. I want to be around people with similar vibrations and similar intentions. I want to continue to work through my pain, work through my issues, and continue to break myself down in efforts to create better versions of myself.
At this point in my life, I am just grateful to wake up. I am grateful for water. Food is the most amazing thing on Earth. Taking a deep breath of fresh air is wonderful. I cannot tell you how empowering I feel when I take a step, take a walk, or take a run. I cannot tell you how much pure fun I have when I ride my bike, shoot a basketball, or hang out with friends. At this point in my life, I am just grateful to be alive.
Emotional healing and me expressing that emotion was not pretty. That is ultimately what led to my current physical condition. I have currently come to a state of peace with everyone that I emotionally hurt... whether they accepted me back into their lives or not. I endured the karma of cancer, and accepted the loss of multiple relationships as a result of the actions of my past. For the family that I still have issues with, I hope they know that I love them, I miss them, and that I will always keep a space in my heart open for them.
I wrote and published a book in reference to how I healed from terminal cancer. I documented how I did it for the last 3 years. I will continuously check in... but I want to close this chapter. I'm not even trying to be corny and tie in the Mary J. Blidge song in from the beginning... but this blog, my social media, and my book are literally all that I can say at this point. I will continue to find ways to creatively spread the information I have learned from this experience, but I am no longer going to do it on a day to day basis.
So that's it for now. It is 9:21 am. I am going to go do some pullups while looking at the Pacific Ocean and the Santa Monica pier. I might even jump in today. See you around. Peace🙏🏽💜
-Love,
Kyle
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
Why
Why:
-Kyle Kostic
...
...
...
Context
...
I didn't
want to write a book about cancer.
My life literally depended
on it.
I didn't want to attempt to
try to cure cancer.
My life literally depended
on it.
…
Everything I say below is
with the intention of providing context.
I am supplying information
that can be validated.
I am not supplying this
information with the intention of sounding self-absorbed.
Everything I say below is
with the intention of giving myself credibility.
...
As a 4-year-old boy, my
elementary school guidance counsellor wanted me to skip kindergarten and go
directly into the 2nd grade.
I was given a few
entry-level intelligence tests, and the results indicated that I was gifted.
I earned my Bachelors Degree
in Psychology at 33 years old.
I earned just about a 4.0 in
my major.
...
While in college, I took the
Wechsler Adult Intelligence (WAIS IV) IQ test.
This test is the most widely
used method of measuring intelligence in adults.
I earned a very high score.
With all of those things
considered, it is fair to say that my childhood intelligence level, college
performance, and adult intelligence measurements indicate that I am a
relatively smart individual.
...
In 2010 I self published a
book entitled "A Collection of our Thoughts."
The book was a collection of
essays that expressed a variety of my feelings in a variety of ways from a
variety of different perspectives.
Some of the essays were
linear.
Some of the essays were
abstract.
...
The book was used in the
juvenile prison I worked at as motivational reading material.
The book was also used as
part of high school curriculum.
The book received positive
press from a variety of sources.
The book was well received
by everyone who read it.
The children in the prison
that I worked at often told me how my book inspired them.
...
I was the commencement
speaker at the graduation of the high school that used my book as part of their
curriculum. Those students also told me that my book inspired them.
I did a few radio shows and
a few interviews in reference to that book. My college alma mater wrote an
article on their website centered around my book when I graduated.
I received an abundance of
correspondence from a variety of different people telling me how they connected
with a variety of the experiences I shared in my book.
...
As part of the One book One
Campus program at East Stroudsburg University my senior year, each student was
encouraged to read the same book.
At the end of the year, each
student was encouraged to enter a writing contest in reference to that same
book. The objective of the contest was for the students to apply their own life
experiences to the theme of the book.
I entered the contest. I
won.
With all of those things
considered, it is fair to say that my previous work indicates that I am a
pretty good writer.
...
...
I played
football when I was young.
I started
out playing offensive and defensive line.
I was
arguably one of the toughest kids on the team.
Playing on
the line helped me develop strength.
...
As I got
older, my athleticism increased.
I became a
running back.
I became
arguably one of the best running backs in the area.
Playing
running back helped me develop creativity.
...
As I got
even older, my height increased.
I became a
quarterback.
I was
arguably one of the best quarterbacks in the area when I was in high school.
Playing
quarterback helped me develop into a leader.
…
I also played
basketball.
Basketball
is the combination of the linear and the abstract.
The game is
practiced in a mostly linear fashion.
The game is
played in both a linear and abstract way.
...
There were
times when the linear approach worked, and times when the abstract approach
worked.
As a person
who handled the basketball a lot, I often had to make the choice of taking the
more linear or more abstract approach.
More times
than not, I made the right choice.
Consistently
making the right mental choices while simultaneously having collegiate level
athleticism eventually earned me a partial college scholarship to play
basketball at the Division 2 level.
...
My success
playing sports demonstrated my ability to make good mental and physical
decisions in a relatively short period of time.
My success
playing football and baseball demonstrated my ability to use a wide range of
both abstract and linear principles.
My success
playing basketball demonstrated my ability to use the combination of both
abstract and linear principles.
With all of
those things considered, it is fair to say that my athletic history has
demonstrated my ability to be durable, linear, and abstract.
...
When I
entered college out of high school, my major was history.
I wanted to
learn about culture, society, and the world.
Even though
I was I loved history itself, I didn't really like school.
I dropped
out of college after my junior year.
...
I got a
job.
I accepted
an entry-level position doing customer service at a cell phone company. I
quickly transitioned into technical support.
I got
promoted 4 times in 9 years. I was consistently a top performer.
I accepted
a severance package when the company I worked for consolidated their operations
and closed the site I was based out of.
My success
in the customer service/tech support role demonstrated my ability to
successfully fix issues by using both a linear and abstract approach.
...
I had to
listen to an abstract explanation of the issue by the customer, conceptualize
their problem, and then resolve their issue by using a documented linear
solution.
If there
was a problem that had no documented linear solution, I had the flexibility to
take an abstract approach in an attempt to find, test, and create a new linear
solution.
With all of
those things considered, it is fair to say that my history working in customer
service and technical support developed me into a person who can come up with
creative solutions to a variety of issues.
...
When I
re-enrolled in college in 2012, I chose psychology as my major.
When I
originally enrolled in college out of high school, I chose history as my major.
I chose
history out of high school because I wanted to learn about culture, society,
and the world.
As an adult
I chose psychology because I understood that in order to learn about culture,
society, and the world at their deepest levels, I first had to learn about
humans and their behavior at their deepest level.
…
This way of
thought also applied to my cancer.
In order to
heal, I had to understand why I got sick.
In order to
cure my cancer, I had to understand why I got cancer.
I had to
learn about cancer at the absolute deepest level in an effort to reverse
engineer the process and attempt to cure myself.
...
...
Stage IV
Cancer was my original prognosis.
Chemotherapy
and radiation failed.
The cancer
metastasized to my lung and throughout my bloodstream.
I was given
a terminal diagnosis.
…
After
letting my circumstances digest, I changed the perspective of my circumstances.
Even though
I didn't want to write a book about cancer, I now had the opportunity to.
Even though
I didn't want to attempt to try to cure cancer, I now had the opportunity to.
After
letting my circumstances digest, I let the perspective of my circumstances
challenge, motivate, and empower me.
...
...
This is why
my elementary school guidance counselor wanted me to skip kindergarten and the
1st grade.
This is why
my mother and I were given free food from the food bank.
This is why
I was in a program for at risk children with potential in high school.
This is why
I graduated from college.
…
Our purpose
as humans is to synthesize old information with new information, in an attempt
to create new information that will improve, sustain, and lengthen the lives of
future generations.
Today
humanity has more information, tools, and technology than at any point in human
history.
With all of
these resources at humanities disposal, humanity should be curing cancer at this point in human history.
This
experience has serendipitously become my purpose, and simultaneously become my
attempt at making history.
This book
is the culmination of my cancer journey, and the culmination of my old life.
I want the
world to use my experience in an effort to both heal and prevent people from
feeling the pain that I felt during this cancer journey.
I
whole-heartedly believe that this method provides other people who were in my
situation both emotionally and physically with a legitimate option.
…
I was tough
enough to endure this regimen.
I was
disciplined enough to document the duration of this experience.
I was
knowledgeable enough to conceptualize, synthesize, and articulate my
experiences.
I was
desperate enough to try literally anything in an attempt to heal.
...
You don’t have to be a
doctor, psychologist, or shaman to understand the information I present in this
book.
I made this book as short and as
easy to read as possible
I wanted the conceptualization of
this method to be as short, clear, and concise as possible.
Anyone with a relatively basic
level of comprehension skills should have the ability to understand this
information.
...
If you
are a doctor, psychologist, or shaman and you do understand this information, I
can go into more detail about the information and experiences I provide.
When I was diagnosed
in 2015, I had no choice but to become a subject matter expert in reference to
anything and everything that pertained to cancer.
All of my time was
spent using my resources to acquire analyze, and synthesize information in an
effort to save my own life.
If you are a doctor,
psychologist, or shaman and want me to elaborate on anything I mention in this
book, I feel like I have the ability to do so at your level of comprehension.
...
You do not have to be a doctor,
psychologist, or shaman to interpret my results.
I was literally in the worst
physical shape of my life during my cancer treatment.
I was given a terminal diagnosis
Today I am in no pain, I have no
symptoms, and I am in literally the best shape of my life.
…
In October of 2015, I remember
sitting in my at my kitchen table in the middle of the night.
I was looking down at a feeding
tube that was surgically inserted in my stomach.
I couldn’t eat, drink, or sleep
because my body was in so much pain.
That is the moment when things got
real.
...
I had endured a lot
in my life up until that point.
I endured not having
a father, growing up in poverty, and becoming a teen parent myself.
While enduring those
challenges was empowering, this was different.
This was cancer.
…
I had all of the
resources of the history of the world at my disposal.
I had the mental,
physical, and creative capacity to make something happen.
I had the fight of
my life on my hands.
I also had some
extremely powerful sources of inspiration at my disposal.
...
Koi, you make me
proud.
You are a high
school graduate, a great big brother, and a respectful young man.
You are a great
athlete, handsome young man, and an overall great person.
You are everything I
ever wanted to be, and the son I always wanted.
...
Maecee, you are my
heart.
You gave me a love
that I never knew existed.
Even though I am
your father, it was you that gave me life.
You are the daughter
I always wanted.
...
An abundance of
other people collectively got me through this journey.
I was homeless. I
was hungry.
I was broke. I was
alone.
An abundance of
people collectively helped me through some very tough times.
...
To all of the people
who sent me a random text, gave me a spontaneous call, or showed me heartfelt
love…
Thank you <3
...
In October of 2015, I
was laying in my bed.
I had a
feeding tube in my stomach. My throat was black on the outside and inside due
to the effect of the radiation treatment.
I was
extremely depressed. I had an extreme amount of anxiety. I was losing my mind.
I was
dying.
…
Every day
felt like a living hell.
I wasn’t
getting better.
I was
getting worse.
I wanted to
give up.
...
I was
extremely suicidal.
I had a
plan.
I had too
much pain.
I felt like
it was the only option.
…
Up until
that point in my life, I was an atheist.
On that
morning, I got on my knees and prayed.
I was
crying.
I begged
GOD to show compassion, to give me a chance, or at least help me understand my
purpose in life.
...
...
GOD
eventually showed compassion.
GOD
eventually gave me a chance.
GOD
eventually helped me understand my purpose.
GOD
eventually helped me understand it.
…
I am no
longer an atheist.
I still
pray.
I still
cry.
I still
believe.
...
I am just a
vessel.
GOD is the
energy inside of me. GOD is the energy inside of you.
Our bodies
just process that energy.
While my
name is on the book, this is really GOD’s work.
...
Everything
I said above was with the intention of providing context.
All of the
information can be validated.
The
information was not supplied with the intention of sounding self-absorbed.
All of the
information supplied was with the intention of showing my credibility.
…
My goal in
life was not to write a book about cancer
The context
I provided above articulated why I wrote this book.
My goal in
life was not to attempt to cure cancer.
This book
was the articulation of how I did it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)