To die a young legend? Or live a long life unfulfilled

'Cause you wanna change the world, but while alive you never will

'Cause they only feel you after your gone, or I've been told

and now I'm caught between bein' heard and getting old, damn

Death creepin' in my thoughts lately

My one wish in this bitch, "Make it quick if the lord take me."

-J. Cole, Immortal, 2016

The verse from this song really hits home for me. I am going to give you the genius breakdown of what he is really saying (https://genius.com/10979083). The owner of genius.com is a good guy. If you really want to understand what artists are trying to convey in their songs, his website is a great resource. Anyway, genius.com says... 

Cole feels like living legends aren’t appreciated as much as legends who have already passed away. Since all Cole wants is to be heard and make a difference in the world with his music, he feels like he has to decide between two options: die while he’s at his best and be heard, or get old and have his best work forgotten.

I get it Jermaine. When I think of my situation and my story, I have similar feelings. While my message has gotten the ear of many, I feel like me dying while I am at my best will only enhance the importance of my message. I want people to have a sense of urgency in reference to their lives. I want people to dare to be great, and dare to have the courage to chase their dreams. Seeing me NOT being able to do that anymore would be extremely impactful to others. 

I have pondered this thought for a while. My death is the best way for this story to end. Suicide was the answer. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you will NEVER understand how I feel. Suicide would serve two purposes: 

The first thing my death would do is alleviate my pain. Do you know how difficult it is for me to walk around with the rain cloud of cancer over my head for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Do you know how it feels to have a random feeling in your stomach, and automatically assume that the feeling is the "final tumor" that is going to kill you? That is the unfortunate reality of a person with cancer. That is my life. That issue would be resolved by death.

The second thing my death would do is make my story more impactful. Since I have gotten cancer, I have displayed my will to live. I have taken the chances I have always wanted to take. I have lived and enjoyed the life I have always wanted to live. I feel like people seeing my dream and my life being taken away from me would go a long way in terms of inspiring others. 

With all of that being said, I wanted to kill myself. I had a plan. I am not going to talk about it now, but I will at great length in another post I have planned. Now if you know anything about mental heath, having a suicide plan is a big deal. The plan itself is a huge step and goes a long way in reference to a person actually carrying out the suicide. I had everything in order, I was ready. 

Enter this... 

The picture above is an album cover for "Malibu," a project by an artist named Anderson Paak. One morning while I was at home, a NYC radio personality named Charlamagne tha God recommended that his audience listen to this album. (What up Charlamagne... yes, I will do the Breakfast Club or Brilliant Idiots when I get home). 

Charlamagne has been my man since back in the Wendy Williams days on Power 99. I like Charlamagne's taste in music. Even though he is "The Radio Guy," his taste in music isn't really mainstream at all. When he recommended the album, I decided I was going to check it out. 

As soon as I started listening to the album, it captivated me. I put my headphones in and just let myself go. The album was so soulful, so funky, and so truthful. It took me to a different place. 

For me, the message was packaged and presented so perfectly. It was exactly what I needed at the time. He talks about overcoming adversity, being positive, and having an appreciation for life. It is soulful. The sound itself just makes me feel good.

I am familiar with using music as therapy... and I must say it really does work. This album helped me with my depression. This album prevented me from carrying out my suicide plan. It made me want to live. 

There is one specific song that really saved me. I have the chills just thinking about it. The song is entitled "Celebrate." It is the first song in this video I made...

While the whole song is great, there is one line that I really hold onto. It goes...

"But you are doing well, I mean your not dead...  so let's celebrate, while we still can."

That simple line changed my perspective on life. Prior to hearing that, I was depressed. I was sad. I just wanted to give up on life. I was ready to carry out my plan. I really didn't care.

That line made me realize that I was still alive. That line made me realize that I still had a choice. That line made me realize I was not dead yet.

Once the message from the song really sunk in, I decided that I wasn't going to live out the remaining days of my life feeling sorry for myself. I had been given a life, and I still had some of it left. I then decided that I was going to "Celebrate," while I still could.

I love thinking about how people make what they make. I love understanding what inspirations artists draw from when they are inspired to create. It is fascinating.

This album was created in California. I told myself that I NEEDED to go to where this album was created. I wanted to tap into the energy and vibe that Anderson Paak tapped into when he made this beautiful album.

While planning this trip, I knew that California was going to be a place that I was going to want to spend a lot of time. While the album Malibu was one reason, there were many more.

We did a lot in Los Angeles. We went to a Lakers game. I casually gave Jalen Rose a pound in passing after he said no to autographs from a number of people. My son looked at me and said... "How did that happen?" I told him... "Real recognize real son."

We went to Venice Beach. We went to Hollywood Boulevard. My children got to experience a live red carpet. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. We visited Melrose, Sunset, and Rosewood. We did a lot. I have pictures of all of this and they are all over my children's social media accounts. Everyone already knows what those places look like, and I didn't want this to be about the pictures so I am not going to post them. I wanted this post to be about the content and the message.

There is one specific place I did want to talk about though. It was this place...

This place is AMAZING. While I already revealed that I believe in GOD in the form of intelligent design, this place really enhanced those thoughts. Again, it is difficult for me to even attempt to conceptualize why I feel this way, but I really do. I am a believer. Anyway... back to the park.

What makes this place so amazing is that every attraction is the manifestation of a person's imagination. This place actually showed us how people made their dreams a reality. We went on a studio tour that taught us how movies were created. We got to see the sets, the props, and see how illusions were created. It was fascinating.

The attractions themselves were also fascinating. A lot of the attractions are merely simulations. Most of the rides are not actual rides, even though they feel like they are. In most of the attractions you are put in a room where you sit in a little car. The lights are then turned off, and the place is manipulated. You actually feel like you are in another world. The Harry Potter ride has you feeling like you are fighting dragons, flying over the ocean, and talking to trees. It is absolutely amazing that this feeling can be "created" in a room. It is truly mind blowing.

I wanted my children to understand that everything in this place was created. I wanted my children to know that they are creators, and that they can make whatever they want. I am also using myself as an example, as in displaying in the work that I am creating. I also wanted them to know the stories of other creators like myself.

Enter this man... 


This man's name is Bart. I call him B-Art in my head, because "Bart is Art" to me. If you haven't caught on by now... throughout my travels I am featuring people that are from my city. I want to tell the stories of people that dared to be great, and actually went and did it.

I was introduced to Bart via Toomey. Bart and Toomey are cousins. You remember Toomey, right? Here is a picture of Toomey and I at a basketball event that Toomey organized for me. We are holding a painting that was donated to me by B-Art...

More on Toomey later.

It has been fun to see the evolution of Bart as an artist. In our early basketball days, Bart would make our team t-shirts. He would draw these fun graffiti style designs. He would also make t-shirts and other fun styles.

As Bart grew and became a man, so did his art. He began doing paintings. He also does coasters, pillows, and various other items. Here are some of his current designs...

Bart is currently based out of Hollywood, CA. While in the area, I wanted to meet up with B-Art.

First and foremost, I wanted to thank him for the picture he gave me. That really meant a lot to me. I actually gave it to my best friend, Shannon, because it really captivated him and I could tell that he really wanted it. Plus, I like giving, and I love Shannon.

Secondly, I wanted to pick his brain. How does a young boy from Allentown, PA end up in Hollywood? How does a man go from drawing graffiti to painting Floyd Mayweather?

Early one morning while I was in LA, I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard. A California number I did not know was called me. It was B-Art. Coincidentally, he lived in walking distance from where I was. He came to meet me.

The conversation with Bart was so super duper inspiring. Bart told me that he went to Los Angeles with two things: A work ethic and a dream. After spending years of creating quality work, making connections, and building relationships, the art that Bart creates can now be found all over the world. He uses the hashtag #IMEVERYWHERE on social media. It is interesting and inspiring to see how far into the world his art has gone.

There are themes that I am learning along this journey. Everyone that became successful followed their passion. It was never about the money. It is always about the work.

With Bart, his website and company is called Maxwell Dickson. When I spoke to him, I asked him who the heck was that? B-Art told me that name was created. Maxwell Dickson was not a person, and did not exist. Maxwell Dickson is his art. B-Art did not want to attach his name or his brand to his art. He wanted his art to speak for himself. As the artist, he wanted to remain anonymous.

What an inspiring story. It is so refreshing to see someone become successful because they did something that they truly LOVED to do. It is inspiring to see someone become successful because they chased their dream. Bart doesn't do what he does for money. Bart loves making art. Bart chased love. The money and everything that came with it was all secondary.

It makes it even more special to understand that the person doing that is from my city. That gave me an idea.

Los Angeles is the City of Dreams. The city itself is an inspiration. One thing I love about LA is the energy of the city. People are inspired and people are TRYING. That effort is amazing. Everyone is attempting to chase their dreams. Even though a lot of  people may fail, the energy and effort that is displayed is infectious. I could easily move to LA, be inspired, and chase my dream. Bart already has connections. Bart's cousin Kofa also lives in LA, and already has a book being released soon...

If I lived in Los Angeles, I could use my connections to get on. I feel like I have two great products. I have something tangible to sell. I am marketable. I truly believe that I could make it happen.

I then got another idea.

It is 2017. The world is changing. I do not have to move to LA to be discovered. I do not have to move to LA to be great. In this day and age, we have the internet. The internet is arguably the greatest bridge ever created. It really makes the world small. The internet will enable me to be great and be discovered from anywhere. I just have to do the work. It will eventually be found.

Prior to going to LA, I had my mind set on staying. I could make it work in LA. Another theme arouse for me though in that moment. Instead of thinking with my mind, I again thought with my heart.

Allentown built me. Not only did it build me, it also built B-Art. Not only did it build Bart, but it also built Maria, Jess, my cousin Alicia, and all of the other people who were successful when they left Allentown. I want my people from Allentown to understand that.

I want them to also understand this: You do not have to leave Allentown to be great. You can be great in Allentown. Allentown, too, is great. I have decided to become that example. I am going to be a New York Times Best Selling author, and I am going to be based out of Allentown, PA. Instead of me going out into the world, I am going to have the world come see me. I believe that I can take the lead, and put Allentown on the map.

I have been in many places around this world throughout my life. One thing I can say is that Allentown and the Lehigh Valley can stand toe to toe with any city in the world. We have an airport. We have a basketball arena. We have minor league baseball team. The Sands is a casino. There are numerous different subcultures that are pretty neat. Allentown is extremely diverse. There are a number of colleges in the area. The economy is good. There are job opportunities everywhere. We're an hour south of Philadelphia and an hour and a half west of NYC. Allentown is a city itself, but if you wanted an even bigger city feel you are a very short distance away. Allentown has beautiful parks and beautiful landscapes. Allentown is the perfect place to experience all four seasons. Allentown is an hour and a half away from the ocean. I could keep going, but you get the idea. Allentown has a lot to offer.

I do have one issue with Allentown, and it is an issue I vow to have a direct impact on.

The vibe in Allentown can be negative. It can be a dog eat dog world. You have people willing to step on others in order to get ahead for themselves. That needs to change.

Similar to Los Angeles, I want Allentown to become a city of dreams. I want the vibe to be positive. I want to inspire people to chase their dreams. I have provided numerous examples of how this has transpired. I want to let everyone know that they can be great in part of where they came from. I also want to show people that they don't necessarily have to leave to be great. While Allentown is a great bridge to the outside world... that route goes both ways. Allentown is a destination. Allentown is great. I am going to let the world know. When I finish this book, I am going to come home and put Allentown on the map. That is my word.

This in not unheard of though. This is already being done. Let me re-introduce you to Toomey...

Toomey runs an organization entitled LVBR, which stands for Lehigh Valley Basketball Rankings. LVBR is a platform for young men who are interested in playing the game of basketball at various levels. Allentown has had great talent for years. Being located where it is though, the players from New York City and Philadelphia get most of the attention. Over the years Allentown has had some great players that weren't afforded opportunities.  This wasn't because they weren't good enough, but rather because they were never discovered.

Enter Toomey.

Being involved in the basketball community of Allentown for his entire life, Toomey understood this. Toomey knew that this had to change.

Toomey came up with the idea of creating LVBR. It is a website, scouting service, player promotional service, and everything else in between. In short, Toomey became a bridge. Toomey used the relationships he built outside of Allentown in order to bring attention and exposure to those who lived in Allentown.

Toomey has provided the exposure to those that they needed it. He is responsible for many relationships and opportunities that have led to full college scholarships. In our area, there have been many people that have gone undiscovered. With Toomey's organization in place, that will never happen again. This is amazing, and it needs to be recognized. Here are some pictures:

One of Toomey's players playing against Duke. Wow. 

What up Dookie? 

Toomey and his organization has a slogan that goes:

"LVBR...  Always watching." 

Well guess what Toomey... I have been always watching you. You have been a bridge to so many, and you deserved to be recognized. 

---

I want to help Toomey. Like every other organization, LVBR needs to be funded. I would like Toomey to eventually create an annual basketball event in my name. While I want it to center around basketball, I want it to be a family affair. I want it to be like a picnic. I want his organization to receive 100 percent of the profits. He deserves it. 

Toomey has full range of control over this eventual annual event. I only have one request in reference to this annual event, and that is location. I want the event to occur at Fountain Park. I want the event to occur under the The Kyle Kostic Bridge, formerly known as the Albertus L. Myers Bridge. I want the bridge to be the backdrop. I like watching basketball, too. 

So, yes, Allentown, I am coming home. 

Eventually ;-). 

A lot of people were worried that I was going to run away from Allentown forever. Nope. I am not going to kill myself. I have purpose. Allentown is my home. I vow to make the world understand what type of place Allentown is, and what kind of people it produces. Just like LVBR... I am ALWAYS watching. If you are doing something positive for the world... you may be featured next. 

I am still out in the world. I have some really interesting things planned, and some very inspiring stories to tell. 

I will talk to you soon. 

Love, 

Kyle