It is 1:02 AM. I am in a hotel room in Hollywood, CA. I don't want to spend too much time on this topic, so lets get right to it.

While preparing for this experience, there were two specific things that I really wanted to do for myself. The first thing on my list was to retrieve my baby pictures. They were sitting in some boxes in a storage unit in Phoenix, AZ. My mother left them there prior to moving back to Allentown.

The second thing I really wanted to do was to see my father. There were some specific things that I wanted to talk about. If you don't know my story and this is the first time you are hearing me talk about my father, I will try to summarize our relationship in a few short sentences.  My father got my mother pregnant back in 1979. I had no clue what he looked like, who he was, or if he even existed for most of my life. After doing research on my father for basically my entire life, I eventually found him back in 2007. We have seen each other 3 times since. I have spoken to him on the phone around 5 times.

Last week while I was in Austin, TX, I called my father. My father lives in San Antonio, TX, which is a little over an hour south of Austin. I let him know how long I would be in town for, and when I would be leaving. He told me that when he got off of work that evening that he was going to drive to Austin to see me. I told him if it was too much of a hassle that he did not have to come. I told him I would rather he told me he wasn't coming right away, rather than wait until later and have him cancel on me at the last minute.

My father is not the most financially stable individual, so I offered to give him gas money and to pay for a meal for he and his children(my brothers). I was excited to see my brothers. So were Maecee and Koi.

That conversation was at around 9 AM. At around 5 PM, my father calls me and tells me he is on his way. Cool. At 5:30 hr calls me to tell me traffic is pretty bad. At 6 he calls me and tells me that he is having an issue with his tire. He says he didn't think the car would make it. At that point he told me he was going home.

And that was it. No dramatic ending. Just that.

I didn't really know how to feel. I wasn't sure if I was hurt, disappointed, or angry. I wasn't sure. All I know is that I wasn't quite right.

I really just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him what was on my mind. I wanted to be transparent, and talk to my dad about anything. I wanted to build a relationship, and potentially have a future with my dad.

When I speak to my father on the phone, he captivates me. That motherfucker HAS me. I try and try and try to be this tough guy, but my father has me in the palm of his hand. My brother hates that I feel that way about him, because he hates how my father treated me. My brother hates how my father treated him. My brother hates how my father treated our family.

While my father made some mistakes in his life... none of that matters to me. That is my only father. My father put me on this earth. My father was my bridge to the world. I do not care if my father stands me up 100 times. If he wants to come back one more time... I will be waiting with open arms. I don't care what it sounds like. I don't care if that means I am playing the fool, or if that makes me weak. I just want my father.

With all of that being said, I made this video for him. Since I vowed to be completely transparent, I will share the video with you too.

Enjoy.

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While thinking about my father, I got an idea. This book is entitled "Bridges." In my humble opinion, being a father and building bridges that lead to opportunities for your children should be every mans first priority. When this is done right, it is a beautiful thing.

I often see examples of men who did not have a father go on to raise children and families of their own. Those stories are inspiring. I feel like they need to be shared.

I immediately started to write about Shannon. I then told myself that I would write about someone who had a father, but they still went above and beyond the call of duty as a parent for not only their child but for the non blood relative of their spouse. I immediately started to write about Toomey. I then thought about a single dad. I started to write about Shahad.

I then started to think about the single mothers who handled their business. They need to be acknowledged too. Just like uncle, grandma, and auntie. What about the godmothers? What about pet owners?

I wanted to talk about it all. Writing all of this became overwhelming though. There were so many positive stories to pick from. These stories could have been an entire book in itself(if anyone wants to take on that project with me maybe we can do that some other time).

All of that led me to this. Instead of attempting to express my appreciation for wonderful parents who have provided bridges for their families via writing, I figured I would make another video. People seem to like the videos. For the book this part will be written, and I will pick specific people to talk about. If you did not make the video, I apologize. This was not easy to do.

Enjoy.

Love