It is 8:02 pm. I am sitting at the kitchen table. The kitchen is my favorite room in the home because that is where food is stored, prepared, and eaten. And when food is prepared, I can eat it now…

About two weeks ago I began drinking chicken broth. A day or two after that I started to eat pureed soup without issue. A few days after that, I successfully ate vegetable barley.

Things were really going well. I was trying to pace myself when getting back to eating, because I did not want to have a setback like I had before. My throat became sore after I drank chicken broth or even water for that matter. I became full pretty quickly even only after eating just a little bit of food. I only tried to eat one time per day. The rest of my nutrition continued to come from my feeding tube.

As the days passed, things kept getting better. Instead of eating one meal a day, I would eat two meals per day. One meal would be just a runny egg or two and the other would be something like soup… but they were meals. Periodically I would eat the squishy pureed baby food. The more I ate, the more my neck and throat muscles got used to it.  My appetite was also increasing. Things were rapidly improving.

Last Friday for breakfast I ate soggy cereal with blueberries and cut up bananas. For lunch I cut up some very small pieces of chicken and put them into vegetable barely soup, and ate it all without a problem. For dinner I made myself a salad that included very small pieces of chicken. That night or the next morning, my throat wasn’t really sore at all. I hadn’t used my feeding tube all day other than to take medication.  That was a big step.

All of the food I was eating was organic. The eggs, chicken, salad ingredients, milk for my cereal, and EVERYTHING else was entirely organic.  Since I had been putting just organic food in my feeding tube for quite a while and I felt like it was giving me energy, I figured I would only put organic food in my body when it was time for me to eat. I was eating stuff that I would have NEVER eaten prior to having cancer. I was eating squash, chick peas, millet, and a whole bunch of foods that I had never even heard of.

This past Sunday evening, I decided it was cheat day. We had just had a blizzard, and I was shoveling snow for the majority of the weekend. I wanted to treat myself. We ordered my favorite pizza, and I drove to the store in the snow to get my favorite pie. The pizza was authentic pan from one of my favorite restaurants. The pie was a cherry crumb pie. I LOVE cherry crumb pie.

When the pizza came, it smelled so good. When the pie was in the oven, it also smelled delicious. I was so happy. After all of this time and everything I had been through, I was finally going to indulge in a delicious meal without being in any pain.

When I took my first bite of the pizza, I was extremely surprised at what happened. I didn’t like it. I took another bite, but it tasted just as bad. I asked Abby if there was anything wrong with the pizza, and she advised me that it was ok. When I tasted the pizza, all I tasted were chemicals. It was disgusting to me.

After being disappointed with the pizza, I figured the cherry pie would make up for it. I was wrong. I took one bite, and all I could taste was sugar. I couldn’t even swallow it. I just threw it away. I couldn’t believe it.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized what was going on. I went through radiation treatment. My taste buds were literally burned off and had regrown. They were brand new. All of the food I was eating was organic, so my taste buds were getting acclimated to real food without all of the chemicals in it. When I finally tasted food with chemicals in it, I could tell the difference right away. Even though I liked those tastes before, I hated them now. And that was alright.

Eating bad food is kind of like drinking beer. Most people who try beer for the first time do not like it. The more they drink it though, the more they begin to like it. The same thing goes with bad food. I don’t want to like bad food anymore, so I have made the conscious decision to no eat any of it any more.

So from now on it is no more eating pizza, and no more cherry pie. A lot of people have offered to cook me all of the old food that I used to like, but I have to respectfully decline. It is incredibly difficult to eat only healthy food. Not even because of the taste, because I like healthy food now. Squash tastes good. I was craving Spelt flakes this afternoon. Salads are delicious. Eating healthy is difficult because of convenience. It is so easy to eat badly. There are fast food restaurants everywhere.  Cooking takes time.

With all things considered, the risk is not worth the reward. I went through hell, and I don’t want to go back. I want to live. I have to remain disciplined. Preparation is key. I need to pre-plan what and when I am going to eat daily like I have to plan out the rest of my day. It is difficult, but I am fully committed. Educating myself on what is and isn’t healthy is important. Just because something says it is healthy doesn’t mean that it is. Also, just because something is organic doesn’t mean that it is healthy either. It is all in the ingredients.   

I am going to eat mostly fruits and vegetables. I am also going to eat fish and chicken, but not very much and not every meal. I am done eating red meat, pork, and most other meat. I am eliminating sugar and white flour because they feed tumors. I am really on it. I didn’t want to become “that guy,” but I have become that guy.

Anyway… that is enough preaching. I just wanted to give those who asked an update. Next step for me is getting this feeding tube removed from my stomach. That day will come soon. The gym has been going well. I am getting stronger, and have gained even more weight. My patience has paid off, and life is getting better. I have to and will keep going. I hope all is well with everyone. Love.

-Kyle