It is 8:29 PM. I am sitting at the kitchen table. I just got back from the gym a little while ago. While I am nowhere near what I used to be, I am taking baby steps and moving in the right direction. One thing this whole process has taught me is to be patient.  There are going to times in life when there are days, weeks, months, and years where you see no progress when attempting to achieve a goal… but if you keep doing the right things all of a sudden you will have a breakthrough. That doesn’t just apply to recovering from cancer, but to all aspects of life. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

I am still not eating or drinking, but I am not complaining. I have lymphedema, which is swelling in my neck from excess fluid. My lymph nodes and muscles in my neck are damaged from the radiation and are unable to get rid of the fluid that is usually dispersed throughout my body. This excess fluid is pressing on a nerve in my head causing me to have constant nerve pain, or “neuralgia.” It sucks. I take medication for it but it doesn’t work. I can manage the pain for the most part, with the exception of sleeping. If I am sleeping and I turn my head to the side where I had my treatment that is where the fluid goes… causing more pressure on my nerve and causing me to wake up in pain. I wake up a few times a night, every night. I do these massages to help me with it, but the pain is still there. My doctors tell me it will take time to heal… so again I just have to be patient.

This Friday January 8^th I have my PET scan. The PET scan is what will show if there is cancer still in me and if the treatment worked.  I am not going to lie… I am nervous. Very nervous. I have been in many pressure packed situations in my life whether it be in sports or otherwise, but nothing and I mean nothing compares to this. I try to keep myself busy, but it is all I think about. I really, really want the cancer to be gone. I don’t want to go through any more treatment. I have gone through so much and am still going through it. I still cannot eat or drink! I have had so much pain, battled depression, and contemplated ending my own life. If I still have the cancer I will do whatever I have to do to stay alive, but I just want to be done with everything and move on. I don’t want to talk too much about this scan or the cancer though. But if you are reading this I ask that you say a prayer to GOD, Allah, the sun, and whoever or whatever else you believe in for me. I believe that no matter whatever our beliefs are that our thoughts have an impact on the universe. Hopefully the energy of everyone will make things move in the right direction for me. Thank you.

Other than that, I have been trying to live as much as possible. I went to the Kevin Hart show the other day. I laughed, even though laughing hurts because I still have this tube in my stomach and my throat is still sore.  I try to go to Allen basketball games when I can. Those boys Talek and Tyrese put on a show every time they play. I even had a New Year’s Eve party. It wasn’t that kind of party though. It was a kid’s party. Here are some of the highlights… 

This was them under control...

This was them most of the night... 

A picture of me and them. Yes I have on a Snuggie. I wear it all of the time and I love it. 

This how they entertained me and themselves... 

I am not sure how or why Kayvon aka Cheese isn't famous yet for dancing... but he needs to be. 

Anyway, that has been my life for the past few weeks. My last post was really negative and depressing. Since then I have really been trying to stay positive, optimistic, and been trying to keep my thoughts occupied... even though January 8th constantly runs through my mind. Hopefully the next time I write on this blog I will be doing some type of drinking or eating... and will have good news in reference to my scan. I hope everyone is doing well. Talk to you soon. 

-Kyle