It is 12:08pm. I am sitting at the kitchen table. I just finished eating an omelette with tomatoes, peppers and mushrooms.  It was so good.

So since the last time I made a blog post, I got my feeding tube taken out. Here is the video. Don’t only watch… but listen.

Even though my feeding tube was very uncomfortable and prevented me from sleeping well, it kept me alive. I am extremely thankful for it.

I know prior to right now, I have not updated this blog in about a month. To be honest, I am tired of talking about cancer. Every time I see someone in person that I have not seen in a while, the first part of our conversation has to be about how I am doing in reference to cancer. While I am extremely appreciative of peoples concern, reliving those memories is not fun for me.

I thought I was over the negative experience I had, but I am definitely not over it. The other day I saw a picture of myself after my last day of treatment. I don’t remember this picture being taken, and never even knew it existed.

When I looked at the picture, I had to immediately put the phone down. Not too many people will have the opportunity to know what they look like when they are dead while they are still alive. I unfortunately had that opportunity, and believe me it is not a pleasant experience. I looked at that picture for literally two seconds and was traumatized. I really looked dead. I looked like a skeleton. My eyes were barely open and my face was so… dead. Randomly throughout the day every day since, that image randomly flashes in my mind, and I get scared. I lie in bed and close my eyes and the picture pops up in my mind. How I felt that day was unexplainable. It was a stimulus that I would rather not encounter.

Same thing goes with my radiation mask. I was in the closet looking for something the other day and I saw my radiation mask, and that negative feeling again rushed through my body. I wanted to keep the mask because it is a symbol of a struggle that I was able to overcome, but I am not ready to reminisce on the whole cancer experience just yet.

I cannot explain the hell I went through. Cancer treatment and the recovery from the treatment is as close as you can get to hell on earth. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t drink. I couldn’t sleep.  I could barely walk I was so weak. I remember trying to walk to the mailbox that is on the corner of my block, and I was so weak and tired that I would have to lie down afterward. I felt like a zombie because of all of the medication I was on. I threw up every single day. I was in so much pain. I took like 7-8 showers a day because that was the only thing that would temporarily take away my pain. I had to spit into a paper towel every 15 seconds because I could not swallow. The list goes on and on. I do not wish what I went through on my worst enemy.

Everything is different now though. The hard part is over. Even though it takes me a while, I can eat. I can drink. I drink nothing but water and green tea. I eat vegetables and fruit every day. If I eat meat it is chicken or fish. I take vitamin D, vitamin B, mushrooms, and garlic every day. I go to the gym 4 times a week. I feel stronger, and am starting to see some results in the amount of weight I can lift and how my body looks.

I do not take any medication at all anymore. My old friend Brendan Witkowski told me… “Let food be thy medicine.” That is what I am doing, and he was right. I cannot explain how good I feel.  When I say I feel good now, I feel so much better than when I said I felt good before. I have so much energy, and I attribute it to the food I am eating and what I am NOT eating.

With me getting better, I really wanted to stop posting on this blog. I am not going to stop posting though. The amount of people that told me that they have been inspired by this blog is truly humbling. I want to keep inspiring others, but I am going to try to do so in a different way. I have a creative idea that I would like to blog about from now on. I don’t want to talk too much about what I have in mind. I just want to do it. So from now on when I post on this blog, I am going to post about something different. Stay tuned for more ;-)

Well that is it for now. I am going to listen to my Apple Music and take a walk on this beautiful day. Love

-Kyle