Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
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It is 6:41 AM EST on Tuesday February 21, 2017. I am sitting at the kitchen table. If you know me and you were expecting me to be somewhere else right now, please stay with me.
I have a dilemma.
I just had major surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my lung. This was a little over a year after recovering from chemotherapy and radiation treatments in an attempt to treat my head and neck cancer. During that 5 month process I was unable to eat, drink, swallow or sleep... in addition to being in an extreme amount of pain. After these two procedures, the reality of the situation is that my life expectancy is no longer anywhere near that of a healthy 36 year old man.
That is my dilemma.
What am I supposed to do now? Facing this set of circumstances has been an extremely difficult challenge for me. At this moment I feel like I have finally gotten to the point where I have gained some clarity and am able to put things into perspective. I finally understand how I should proceed with the rest of my life.
When I am healthy, Abby and I like to play these driving games. Here are some examples: Each of us will pick a direction, play rock paper scissors, and the winner will select that direction to randomly drive. On our drives we will engage in conversation, laugh, sit in silence, debate, sing, and listen to informational podcasts. We will randomly stop at an interesting place to eat or at an interesting attraction along the way. We will also do things like pick a scenic route to Philadelphia, and it will take us 3 hours to get there. Or we will pick a beach in New Jersey, and we will have to get there just using the compass on the iPhone. We will randomly walk around the campus of Princeton University. Yea I know some of these things may sound ridiculous, but they are relatively inexpensive and FUN for us.
The weekend before my surgery, we drove south. We ended up in Washington D.C. We went to the National Museum of African American History and Culture at the Smithsonian. We also visited the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. statue, the White House, The Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Monument. Here are some pictures...
Being in D.C. gave me the chills. I really love history. To think that the events in humanity really happened and that the people that took part in those events were actually real is extremely neat to me when I think about it.
We ended up spending the night in D.C. In the morning we played the direction game, and "east" was the winner. We ended driving to Cape May, NJ. For the most part, the beach was empty. A lot of the hotels were closed, but the ones that were open were basically giving their rooms away. A lot of restaurants and shops were closed too, but that ones that were open were filled with people enjoying themselves. It was an extremely peaceful and inviting atmosphere. Here are some pictures...
I love these trips for a variety of reasons. I feel so free and refreshed when I am driving in the car. I love turning off my phone, putting on Marvin Gaye, and pretending that I am in the year 1971. I love driving along State Route 32 South while taking in nature, marveling at the Delaware River, and knowing that George Washington really crossed that same river 240 years ago. I love randomly seeing people engaging in meaningful conversations, laughing, and being in love. These moments make me feel alive.
These trips also remind me of my life's dream. Other than seeing my children live a happy life, it was my dream in life to travel around the world, engage with humanity, and experience a wide range of emotions and challenges. It was my dream to write a book about the trip. I also wanted to be on the New York Times best sellers list. That wasn't my dream, just icing on the cake. There are certain scenarios in my loosely planned travel that I know I want to talk about and experience that I know will evoke certain feelings out of the reader. I want the reader to laugh, cry, think, and be inspired. I want to talk about love, expression, adversity, emotion, regret, and many other things. There is a beautiful story out there in this world, and I wanted to be the one to tell it.
The reality of the situation is that my dream is in jeopardy. My surgery was tough. They cut a piece of my lung out. I had a catheter in my penis. I had a huge tube in my side that was used to drain blood and any fluids out of my lung. I had a feeding tube in my nose. My body was extremely sore and I was extremely medicated. Here is a picture of me laying in bed...
That tube to my right is in my lung. It is draining all of the fluids. As you can see, there is a lot of blood in there.
My cancer had metastasized, meaning that it could pop up anywhere at anytime at this point. Every time I get an itch, chill, or an ache anywhere on my body... I worry because I am afraid that whatever feeling I am feeling might be the beginning of "the final tumor."
I literally saw Hell on Earth while I was in the hospital. I was in Fox Chase Cancer Center, a hospital and research facility in Philadelphia that is dedicated specifically to cancer. Every person seen there is an adult cancer patient. After my surgery, my nurses encouraged me to go for walks to prevent blood clots. Here is a picture of me in bed and on a walk...
I saw some stuff in the hospital that looked like it belonged in a science fiction horror movie. I saw a man who seemed to be in his early 40's that had a tumor from his ear to his chin the size of a mini football. The look on his face was a look of complete hopelessness and despair. I saw a very young girl who looked like she must have just turned 18 years old. She was being wheeled down the hallway while in her gown in a wheelchair. She was completely bald. Her eyes were half open. As we crossed paths and made eye contact, her head just dropped in her lap. It was like she just gave up. I had a roommate in my room. While I was laying in my bed after my surgery, the doctor of my roommate addressed the patient and his family. While I couldn't see what was going on because we were separated by a curtain, Abby and I could hear the entire conversation. The doctor told everyone that the hospital has exhausted all of its treatment options, and that the doctor wanted the patient to be moved to hospice to prepare for his imminent death. The family was DEVASTATED. They asked the doctor if there were any other treatment options, trials, or any other radical methods that would potentially help prolong the life of their family member. The doctor said that there was nothing more that could be done. The family was devastated.
Observing these things help me put my own situation into perspective. Cancer is serious. While I remain optimistic, beating cancer is no small task. This was my second bout. The reality of the situation is that it really may keep coming back, and that I really may not win.
While I was in the hospital, my friend Hassan acknowledged the birthday of his friend and high school basketball teammate Arthur Perryman III. Arthur died of cancer at the age of 19 years old in 1995. While I did not know Arthur personally, I knew his story. Here is a picture of Arthur...
This acknowledgement led me to searching the internet for articles about Arthur. Arthur was once considered the best basketball player in Monroe County history, so I wanted to take some time to look over his accomplishments. During my internet search I am came across this article from 1994.If you would like to read the article in it's entirety, click the link below.
Article
In the article it mentioned that Arthur received his cancer treatment at Fox Chase Cancer Center, the hospital I was at. It also mentioned that cards, flowers and donations could be sent to his room... 214A. After reading this article, I asked Abby what room we were in. Coincidentally, we were also in room 214A. Hmmm...
After my experience with cancer, what I saw in the hospital, and what I read in this article... I knew that my life would never be the same. It couldn't be. I was in the same space that Arthur Perryman III was in shortly before he died. He never got the chance to continue life and to continue to attempt to achieve his dreams. My friend Bradley Davis died at 19 years old from a gunshot wound to his abdomen. He never got the chance to achieve his dreams. Dakota Galusha, the 7th grade boy who lost his life by being hit by a school bus, will never get to attempt to achieve his dreams. Robert Edwards will never get to see Bigman play football. Joseph "Jo-Jo" Smith never got to see Anthony Ross become a college basketball coach. Those things aren't right. Kelly Roth, Brian Island, Jason Vega, Lips, Joey Botz, Chucky da Bull, Tarrell Hardmon, O-Head, Jason Troxell, and Eric Wagner are among many people I know personally who died young. Those things weren't right. I was really begin to question if my name was going to be added to this list.
Well if my name was going to be added to the list of people who died young, I wanted to attempt to leave this earth with one more gift before I was gone. I already wrote and published one book, and finished writing the book about my first cancer experience. Not to go off on a tangent, but I love my books. My first book "A Collection of our Thoughts" is awesome. I love it. It is my baby. It is a GREAT book. I do not say that because I wrote it... I say so because of the wide range of people that can relate to it.
The book that I wrote that has not been published yet is entitled. "While you still can." The title is in reference to having a sense of urgency in reference to attempting to achieve whatever you want in life. Hope and perseverance are the overall themes.The majority of that book is the blog in which I talk about my cancer experience. The beginning and ending are untold stories. There is also some new material mixed in.
My plan for that book is to have it published at some point, whether I am dead or alive. When it is published, I want it to be published at cost. Meaning that when Amazon produces a book... if it costs $2.66 cents to produce the book... I want the book to be sold for $2.66. I don't care about making money from the story. That story is about hope. I gave it away for free on the blog, and want to give it away in book form for the least amount of money as possible. I do not want to charge people a premium price for a story about hope.
Ok back to the story...
I told myself that while those two books are great gifts to the world... I really wanted to give the world one more. Once I returned home from the hospital, I became fixated on my goal. Physically I was recovering well, but mentally I was not in the best space. I was dealing with trauma. I had depression, PTSD, and anxiety... in addition to being heavily medicated. Despite all of that, nothing was going to stop me from achieving my dream.
I had a doctors appointment on Friday, February 17. During that appointment I got my stitches out due to my rapid healing. I also got an x-ray indicating that my operation was a success. While I am still sore, I am alright. My doctor cleared me to drive. She advised me that I still could not lift weights and that I still could not go back to work. She said that considering the severity of what I do, my mental state, and what I just went through... some time away from work doing what you like to do would be extremely beneficial to your mental health.
That gave me a window. I had a sufficient enough amount of time that would enable me to attempt to write my last book. I immediately started to plan. I would leave Saturday morning, drive to West Virginia to meet my best friend Tramell, and navigate across the country from there.
I told my daughters mother about my idea, and she was on board. I cannot say enough good things about her. Things have been difficult during this process, and there have been many instances where I could not be the father that everyone was accustomed to. She has been extremely understanding though, which is greatly appreciated.
When I told my son, he didn't care. He asked me if he could go, but I told him that I wanted him to see me have this experience so that will inspire him to have an experience like that of his own. I told the same thing to my daughter.
I knew my daughter was going to cry and cry and beg for me to come home. I knew I was going to cry when I saw her on Facetime. I wanted it to happen. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't coming home. I wanted her to understand that she will be fine, and that it would be ok to miss me. I have given her so much in her life. I have spent so much time with her. Every moment of her life that we were together was an engaging one, meaning that we were always doing something with each other. We were always learning, always having fun, and always doing something. I wanted her to know that her dad was brave, and that he wanted to go out into the world and attempt to save humanity. Long after my death, this book would help her understand what I was attempting to achieve. She is my daughter, and I knew she would eventually grow to understand.
My mom had her reservations, but she believes in me. When I proposed her with this crazy idea, after a little hesitation she told me to go for it.
Abby would be the toughest to convince. She is the closest person to me, so she is the person who would be able to tell if I had the ability to do what I set out to accomplish. She is a psychologist, so she also could accurately assess my mental health. I have to be honest... she was definitely not convinced that this was a good idea. She was worried I wouldn't eat healthy enough. I told her that I would buy a bunch of baby food and healthy snacks from Whole Foods, multiple packs of water, and only eat at healthy restaurants and grocery stores. She was worried about my driving. I told her that I would only drive during the day, and that if I felt tired at any time I would pull over. She was worried about my safety. I advised her that I would never put myself in any bad situations. I do not drink alcohol or attend bars. I am a writer. A lot of my time will be spent in quiet places like libraries, cafes, nature, and hotel rooms. After going back and forth for a while, she became supportive of my goal. She was the last person to approve. I really was going to go.
I know what you are thinking. it is Tuesday morning. You should be gone by now. Yea I know... just keep reading...
So, I got all packed up on Friday night. I planned on leaving at 4 am. I wanted to see my friend Tramell at 8am, and it would take me 4 hours to get there. Tramell is in Federal Prison, so I am only able meet with him on specific days and times.
I could not sleep at all on Friday night. I had an extreme amount of anxiety. I literally cried until 9:30 AM on Saturday morning. I just kept thinking about everything that could go wrong. I kept thinking about how much I was going to miss everyone. Even though I wasn't going to be gone for a long period of time, being away from home with everything that was going on would be tough. Fear had complete control of me.
I knew that Abby would miss me. We are a team. We really do compliment each other very well. She is just as nerdy and dorky as I am, and I love it. When I am with her, I feel safe. I was leaving my safety net behind.
I didn't want to be safe though. I wanted to be completely vulnerable, wild, and free in the world. I have Stage IV cancer that has metastasized. I literally have nothing to lose. I did not want my life to end in a hospital bed with regret. I wanted to express myself like I never had before. I wanted to write with no fear. I wanted to be completely transparent. I wanted to touch on everything... kind of like how I did with my first book.
When thinking about that... I realized that it was my time to be great. I was a writer, and I needed to go write. I did not want things to be this way, but all roads led to me here. I had to let my destiny manifest. I was Eminem in the mirror in 8-Mile. This was my moment.
So after a very long night and a very long morning, I decided that I was going to go. I was going to make my family proud. I was going to be Allentown's savior. I was going to inspire the city. I was going to do what those people I knew who died untimely deaths would never have the opportunity to do. I was going to spend the rest of my life attempting to achieve my dream.
After taking a nap on Saturday morning, I left my home in Allentown, PA at around 1 PM. When I got in the car and started driving, I immediately started crying, smiling, and screaming. It was weird.
I arrived in Morgantown, West Virginia at about 7:00 pm. I took my time driving. The usual 4 hour trip took 6 hours. I really took my time. I stoppped a few times along the way. I say in nature. I breathed the air. Western Maryland and West Virginia have beautiful nature. You know me... I started blogging and doing my thing. Here are some pictures...
I got a hotel room. I then got some food and decided to relax. I was going to just chill and watch the NBA dunk contest until I went to bed. Tramell's visit was at 8:00 AM. I was going to go there for a few hours, and make my way down south afterward.
While I am watching the dunk contest, my daughter calls me on FaceTime. Here we go. I could tell that something was wrong. After engaging in small talk for a while, I asked her what was wrong. She immediately started crying. She said that she missed me. She said that she was worried about me. She said that she wanted me to come home. She said that she understands that I wanted to change the world, but that I didn't have to try to do so right now. She said that she just wanted me to be home. She wanted to take care of me. She wanted me to be loved.
Damn. I knew this was going to happen. This was my baby. If you know me you know how the relationship between my daughter and I is. She is my everything. We are always together. But like I said, I knew this going to happen. I told myself that I wasn't going to break.
I did not stand a chance though. Seeing her cry broke my damn heart. I told her I was coming home tomorrow. She smiled and seemed to feel more comfortable. We talked for a little while, and said our goodbyes.
When I hung up the phone, I just threw it. I could not stop crying. Seeing my baby cry for me and beg for me to come home really hurt. What was I doing? There I was, sitting in a hotel room in Morgantown, West Virginia, a little less than three weeks after having major surgery for cancer on my lung. I really thought I could drive across the country and write a book in my condition? WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING!?!?
She was right. My baby was right. My 11 year old daughter was right. I was so damn tired. I just spent damn near the last 24 hours crying. I just had an anxiety attack and manic episode. When I laid on that bed in that hotel room, I went to sleep immediately.
That morning I slept in. I didn't check out of the hotel until after 10:00 AM. Since I was already in West Virginia, I figured that it would be a no-brainer to go visit Tramell on my way home.
If you do not know Tramell, here is a quick rundown. He was one of my 3 really best friends growing up. Nevin is my brother so I don't put him in that category. If you know me, you know who the other two people are. In reference to Tramell... has a wonderful personality, is kind-hearted, and has pushed boundaries. Sometimes he pushed boundaries too far and in the wrong direction. His 41 year prison sentence for robbing banks is an indication of that.
Tramell has been locked up for 10 years and two months. His prison sentence was for 41 years. He has 31 years left of his sentence to complete. Now picture this scene: Two men are sitting in the middle of a big room in a Federal Prison in the middle of nowhere, West Virginia. One man has cancer, but is completely free. He was told that he had 1-2 years or "maybe a little more" to live, all things considered. The other man has a clean bill of health, but will be completely confined for the next 31 years. He has no foreseeable hope of going home. It is really interesting to look at "time" from both of those perspectives. Time is weird.
Anyway... we had one of the best conversations we have ever had. My friends and I always had great conversations. We didn't have smartphones or the internet when we spent 24 hours together back in the day. Our communication was constant. We were always engaged, resulting in some special interactions.
This conversation was one of the special ones. We laughed. We LAUGHED!!!!! We talked about old times. During this conversation there were moments that he felt like he was free, and I felt like I was going to live forever. There time goes being tricky again...
We also talked about serious issues. I told him about how I wanted to drive across the country and write a book about it. When he heard about my idea, he looked me square in the eye and starting cracking up. He said that I would be a fool to go out there alone and attempt to change the world. He told me that my time left in an attempt to save the world was over. He told me that I should focus on putting my time and resources into my children, so that they can attempt to save it.
While I do not wholeheartedly agree with everything he said, for the most part he was right. I should not be out in the world globetrotting while my children are at home worried about me.
After talking to him for a while, I wanted to ask him one last question. I wanted to ask him if he could get out today and have as much time as the doctors thought I had... what would he do? Without a pause, his face lit up. His eyes were wide open! Before he could say a word, I stopped him. I told him not to say anything. His facial expression was all I needed to see.
I still have time left. I am not going to live solely according to my prognosis. While I may not have enough time to write the book that will save the world, maybe the time spent instilling great qualities into my children will enable them to do so. I want to give my children that same eye opening feeling that Tramell felt when he had the idea of freedom in his mind. I want to empower them with the ability to feel like they can accomplish whatever they dream.
After the conversation between Tramell and I, I knew what I needed to do. It took me days of stress and contemplation, a puddle full of tears, and driving all the way to West Virginia to realize that the rest of my time on this Earth needs to be spent with with my children and family.
So all of that leads me to this morning. I am sitting at the kitchen table. My dream is not going to come true. I let my friends down. I let Allentown down. I am not going to change the write the book that changes the world.
We are.
If you know me, you know that I am rather creative. Another thing you know is that I am not a quitter. Anyone that has ever fought with me knows that I will fight until there is no tomorrow. Deante told me he thought I was crazy after we go into it at Union Terrace back in the day. I won't stop until I give everything I have.
My daughter is 11 years old. She is a great writer. Sometimes I read some of her homework assignments and I am just like... "wow." Her writing is amazing. She also loves media. She is a wizard on the iPhone. She is extremely talented, and it would be fun to have her use some of those skills while expressing herself.
My son is 19 years old. He is very quiet, but extremely interesting when he expresses himself. He has a blog, but he doesn't show it to anyone. He writes, takes pictures, and shoots videos. The first time I saw his blog, I was in complete shock. It was excellent.
What two people in this world would be better to help me write a book than my own children? How about creating a blog, or even making a documentary? It is time for me to pass the torch. The time is now. There is no turning back. I am going to drive my children across the country. I am going to have them help me write a book. They are going to be the co-authors. I am also going to have them help me make a documentary. They are going to be the co-producers. I am going to have them help me maintain this blog from now on... even until after I am gone. They are also going to look after me physically while we are on this trip.
I have taken my daughter out of school. Her absences are excused. My son is already out in the world. I am going to pick him up along the way. It is my goal to show my children the United States of America. Unlike my other blog posts, I am going to blog each experience in real time. I want to make a new post at least every two days rather than blogging the whole trip in its entirety once I come home. I am going to have my children make posts. I am going to have everyone record footage and take pictures. I want them to remember this experience for the rest of their lives. I want them to be heavy contributors. In addition to the blog and a documentary, this experience is going to be a book. Not only a book in physical form though. I want to have every word in the book read out loud by the writer. I also want to have it video recorded. Imagine if you could hear F. Scott Fitzgerald read the Great Gatsby out loud. Imagine of you could actually see him reading it. We are in 2017, and I wanted to be creative in the way I attempt to produce my art. So this will be a video and audio book in addition to a physical book.
I don't know what is about to happen. All I know is that I have just enough money to give my children a worthwhile experience. I am not scared to go out in to the world, go for broke, and start over from scratch. I have lived with zero dollars before as a grown man. I slept on a florescent green pool raft as a 30 year old man when I was going through some hard times. I have come back from nothing time and time again. I am no longer scared to face any of my fears. I am going to go out into the world with my children. Since cancer may not give me the opportunity to give my children a lifetime of opportunities, I want to take this chance to give my children the opportunity of a lifetime. Will this documentary make the Sundance Film Festival or Netflix? Will the book make the New York Times Best Sellers list? For all I know, it all might suck. If it all doesn't work out, that is alright. At least I can say I tried. When I die I want Jules to write on Facebook... "THAT MAN JUG WAS CRAAAAAAZY LMAAOOOOO!!!!" because I went for it. I want everyone to smile when they see me in my casket. I want everyone to know that I pushed the envelope, even though I may not have accomplished my ultimate goal of saving the world.
I know us though. I believe in us. I believe that we have what it takes to create something great. Let's see what happens.
Are your ready? I am.
Lets go.
Talk to you soon.
-Kyle
It is 6:41 AM EST on Tuesday February 21, 2017. I am sitting at the kitchen table. If you know me and you were expecting me to be somewhere else right now, please stay with me.
I have a dilemma.
I just had major surgery to remove a cancerous tumor from my lung. This was a little over a year after recovering from chemotherapy and radiation treatments in an attempt to treat my head and neck cancer. During that 5 month process I was unable to eat, drink, swallow or sleep... in addition to being in an extreme amount of pain. After these two procedures, the reality of the situation is that my life expectancy is no longer anywhere near that of a healthy 36 year old man.
That is my dilemma.
What am I supposed to do now? Facing this set of circumstances has been an extremely difficult challenge for me. At this moment I feel like I have finally gotten to the point where I have gained some clarity and am able to put things into perspective. I finally understand how I should proceed with the rest of my life.
When I am healthy, Abby and I like to play these driving games. Here are some examples: Each of us will pick a direction, play rock paper scissors, and the winner will select that direction to randomly drive. On our drives we will engage in conversation, laugh, sit in silence, debate, sing, and listen to informational podcasts. We will randomly stop at an interesting place to eat or at an interesting attraction along the way. We will also do things like pick a scenic route to Philadelphia, and it will take us 3 hours to get there. Or we will pick a beach in New Jersey, and we will have to get there just using the compass on the iPhone. We will randomly walk around the campus of Princeton University. Yea I know some of these things may sound ridiculous, but they are relatively inexpensive and FUN for us.
The weekend before my surgery, we drove south. We ended up in Washington D.C. We went to the National Museum of African American History and Culture at the Smithsonian. We also visited the Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. statue, the White House, The Lincoln Memorial, and the Washington Monument. Here are some pictures...
Being in D.C. gave me the chills. I really love history. To think that the events in humanity really happened and that the people that took part in those events were actually real is extremely neat to me when I think about it.
We ended up spending the night in D.C. In the morning we played the direction game, and "east" was the winner. We ended driving to Cape May, NJ. For the most part, the beach was empty. A lot of the hotels were closed, but the ones that were open were basically giving their rooms away. A lot of restaurants and shops were closed too, but that ones that were open were filled with people enjoying themselves. It was an extremely peaceful and inviting atmosphere. Here are some pictures...
I love these trips for a variety of reasons. I feel so free and refreshed when I am driving in the car. I love turning off my phone, putting on Marvin Gaye, and pretending that I am in the year 1971. I love driving along State Route 32 South while taking in nature, marveling at the Delaware River, and knowing that George Washington really crossed that same river 240 years ago. I love randomly seeing people engaging in meaningful conversations, laughing, and being in love. These moments make me feel alive.
These trips also remind me of my life's dream. Other than seeing my children live a happy life, it was my dream in life to travel around the world, engage with humanity, and experience a wide range of emotions and challenges. It was my dream to write a book about the trip. I also wanted to be on the New York Times best sellers list. That wasn't my dream, just icing on the cake. There are certain scenarios in my loosely planned travel that I know I want to talk about and experience that I know will evoke certain feelings out of the reader. I want the reader to laugh, cry, think, and be inspired. I want to talk about love, expression, adversity, emotion, regret, and many other things. There is a beautiful story out there in this world, and I wanted to be the one to tell it.
The reality of the situation is that my dream is in jeopardy. My surgery was tough. They cut a piece of my lung out. I had a catheter in my penis. I had a huge tube in my side that was used to drain blood and any fluids out of my lung. I had a feeding tube in my nose. My body was extremely sore and I was extremely medicated. Here is a picture of me laying in bed...
That tube to my right is in my lung. It is draining all of the fluids. As you can see, there is a lot of blood in there.
My cancer had metastasized, meaning that it could pop up anywhere at anytime at this point. Every time I get an itch, chill, or an ache anywhere on my body... I worry because I am afraid that whatever feeling I am feeling might be the beginning of "the final tumor."
I literally saw Hell on Earth while I was in the hospital. I was in Fox Chase Cancer Center, a hospital and research facility in Philadelphia that is dedicated specifically to cancer. Every person seen there is an adult cancer patient. After my surgery, my nurses encouraged me to go for walks to prevent blood clots. Here is a picture of me in bed and on a walk...
I saw some stuff in the hospital that looked like it belonged in a science fiction horror movie. I saw a man who seemed to be in his early 40's that had a tumor from his ear to his chin the size of a mini football. The look on his face was a look of complete hopelessness and despair. I saw a very young girl who looked like she must have just turned 18 years old. She was being wheeled down the hallway while in her gown in a wheelchair. She was completely bald. Her eyes were half open. As we crossed paths and made eye contact, her head just dropped in her lap. It was like she just gave up. I had a roommate in my room. While I was laying in my bed after my surgery, the doctor of my roommate addressed the patient and his family. While I couldn't see what was going on because we were separated by a curtain, Abby and I could hear the entire conversation. The doctor told everyone that the hospital has exhausted all of its treatment options, and that the doctor wanted the patient to be moved to hospice to prepare for his imminent death. The family was DEVASTATED. They asked the doctor if there were any other treatment options, trials, or any other radical methods that would potentially help prolong the life of their family member. The doctor said that there was nothing more that could be done. The family was devastated.
Observing these things help me put my own situation into perspective. Cancer is serious. While I remain optimistic, beating cancer is no small task. This was my second bout. The reality of the situation is that it really may keep coming back, and that I really may not win.
While I was in the hospital, my friend Hassan acknowledged the birthday of his friend and high school basketball teammate Arthur Perryman III. Arthur died of cancer at the age of 19 years old in 1995. While I did not know Arthur personally, I knew his story. Here is a picture of Arthur...
Article
In the article it mentioned that Arthur received his cancer treatment at Fox Chase Cancer Center, the hospital I was at. It also mentioned that cards, flowers and donations could be sent to his room... 214A. After reading this article, I asked Abby what room we were in. Coincidentally, we were also in room 214A. Hmmm...
After my experience with cancer, what I saw in the hospital, and what I read in this article... I knew that my life would never be the same. It couldn't be. I was in the same space that Arthur Perryman III was in shortly before he died. He never got the chance to continue life and to continue to attempt to achieve his dreams. My friend Bradley Davis died at 19 years old from a gunshot wound to his abdomen. He never got the chance to achieve his dreams. Dakota Galusha, the 7th grade boy who lost his life by being hit by a school bus, will never get to attempt to achieve his dreams. Robert Edwards will never get to see Bigman play football. Joseph "Jo-Jo" Smith never got to see Anthony Ross become a college basketball coach. Those things aren't right. Kelly Roth, Brian Island, Jason Vega, Lips, Joey Botz, Chucky da Bull, Tarrell Hardmon, O-Head, Jason Troxell, and Eric Wagner are among many people I know personally who died young. Those things weren't right. I was really begin to question if my name was going to be added to this list.
Well if my name was going to be added to the list of people who died young, I wanted to attempt to leave this earth with one more gift before I was gone. I already wrote and published one book, and finished writing the book about my first cancer experience. Not to go off on a tangent, but I love my books. My first book "A Collection of our Thoughts" is awesome. I love it. It is my baby. It is a GREAT book. I do not say that because I wrote it... I say so because of the wide range of people that can relate to it.
The book that I wrote that has not been published yet is entitled. "While you still can." The title is in reference to having a sense of urgency in reference to attempting to achieve whatever you want in life. Hope and perseverance are the overall themes.The majority of that book is the blog in which I talk about my cancer experience. The beginning and ending are untold stories. There is also some new material mixed in.
My plan for that book is to have it published at some point, whether I am dead or alive. When it is published, I want it to be published at cost. Meaning that when Amazon produces a book... if it costs $2.66 cents to produce the book... I want the book to be sold for $2.66. I don't care about making money from the story. That story is about hope. I gave it away for free on the blog, and want to give it away in book form for the least amount of money as possible. I do not want to charge people a premium price for a story about hope.
Ok back to the story...
I told myself that while those two books are great gifts to the world... I really wanted to give the world one more. Once I returned home from the hospital, I became fixated on my goal. Physically I was recovering well, but mentally I was not in the best space. I was dealing with trauma. I had depression, PTSD, and anxiety... in addition to being heavily medicated. Despite all of that, nothing was going to stop me from achieving my dream.
I had a doctors appointment on Friday, February 17. During that appointment I got my stitches out due to my rapid healing. I also got an x-ray indicating that my operation was a success. While I am still sore, I am alright. My doctor cleared me to drive. She advised me that I still could not lift weights and that I still could not go back to work. She said that considering the severity of what I do, my mental state, and what I just went through... some time away from work doing what you like to do would be extremely beneficial to your mental health.
That gave me a window. I had a sufficient enough amount of time that would enable me to attempt to write my last book. I immediately started to plan. I would leave Saturday morning, drive to West Virginia to meet my best friend Tramell, and navigate across the country from there.
I told my daughters mother about my idea, and she was on board. I cannot say enough good things about her. Things have been difficult during this process, and there have been many instances where I could not be the father that everyone was accustomed to. She has been extremely understanding though, which is greatly appreciated.
When I told my son, he didn't care. He asked me if he could go, but I told him that I wanted him to see me have this experience so that will inspire him to have an experience like that of his own. I told the same thing to my daughter.
I knew my daughter was going to cry and cry and beg for me to come home. I knew I was going to cry when I saw her on Facetime. I wanted it to happen. I wanted to tell her that I wasn't coming home. I wanted her to understand that she will be fine, and that it would be ok to miss me. I have given her so much in her life. I have spent so much time with her. Every moment of her life that we were together was an engaging one, meaning that we were always doing something with each other. We were always learning, always having fun, and always doing something. I wanted her to know that her dad was brave, and that he wanted to go out into the world and attempt to save humanity. Long after my death, this book would help her understand what I was attempting to achieve. She is my daughter, and I knew she would eventually grow to understand.
My mom had her reservations, but she believes in me. When I proposed her with this crazy idea, after a little hesitation she told me to go for it.
Abby would be the toughest to convince. She is the closest person to me, so she is the person who would be able to tell if I had the ability to do what I set out to accomplish. She is a psychologist, so she also could accurately assess my mental health. I have to be honest... she was definitely not convinced that this was a good idea. She was worried I wouldn't eat healthy enough. I told her that I would buy a bunch of baby food and healthy snacks from Whole Foods, multiple packs of water, and only eat at healthy restaurants and grocery stores. She was worried about my driving. I told her that I would only drive during the day, and that if I felt tired at any time I would pull over. She was worried about my safety. I advised her that I would never put myself in any bad situations. I do not drink alcohol or attend bars. I am a writer. A lot of my time will be spent in quiet places like libraries, cafes, nature, and hotel rooms. After going back and forth for a while, she became supportive of my goal. She was the last person to approve. I really was going to go.
I know what you are thinking. it is Tuesday morning. You should be gone by now. Yea I know... just keep reading...
So, I got all packed up on Friday night. I planned on leaving at 4 am. I wanted to see my friend Tramell at 8am, and it would take me 4 hours to get there. Tramell is in Federal Prison, so I am only able meet with him on specific days and times.
I could not sleep at all on Friday night. I had an extreme amount of anxiety. I literally cried until 9:30 AM on Saturday morning. I just kept thinking about everything that could go wrong. I kept thinking about how much I was going to miss everyone. Even though I wasn't going to be gone for a long period of time, being away from home with everything that was going on would be tough. Fear had complete control of me.
I knew that Abby would miss me. We are a team. We really do compliment each other very well. She is just as nerdy and dorky as I am, and I love it. When I am with her, I feel safe. I was leaving my safety net behind.
I didn't want to be safe though. I wanted to be completely vulnerable, wild, and free in the world. I have Stage IV cancer that has metastasized. I literally have nothing to lose. I did not want my life to end in a hospital bed with regret. I wanted to express myself like I never had before. I wanted to write with no fear. I wanted to be completely transparent. I wanted to touch on everything... kind of like how I did with my first book.
When thinking about that... I realized that it was my time to be great. I was a writer, and I needed to go write. I did not want things to be this way, but all roads led to me here. I had to let my destiny manifest. I was Eminem in the mirror in 8-Mile. This was my moment.
So after a very long night and a very long morning, I decided that I was going to go. I was going to make my family proud. I was going to be Allentown's savior. I was going to inspire the city. I was going to do what those people I knew who died untimely deaths would never have the opportunity to do. I was going to spend the rest of my life attempting to achieve my dream.
After taking a nap on Saturday morning, I left my home in Allentown, PA at around 1 PM. When I got in the car and started driving, I immediately started crying, smiling, and screaming. It was weird.
I arrived in Morgantown, West Virginia at about 7:00 pm. I took my time driving. The usual 4 hour trip took 6 hours. I really took my time. I stoppped a few times along the way. I say in nature. I breathed the air. Western Maryland and West Virginia have beautiful nature. You know me... I started blogging and doing my thing. Here are some pictures...
More on the bear in the pictures another time... ;-)
Me at West Virginia's football stadium
I got a hotel room. I then got some food and decided to relax. I was going to just chill and watch the NBA dunk contest until I went to bed. Tramell's visit was at 8:00 AM. I was going to go there for a few hours, and make my way down south afterward.
While I am watching the dunk contest, my daughter calls me on FaceTime. Here we go. I could tell that something was wrong. After engaging in small talk for a while, I asked her what was wrong. She immediately started crying. She said that she missed me. She said that she was worried about me. She said that she wanted me to come home. She said that she understands that I wanted to change the world, but that I didn't have to try to do so right now. She said that she just wanted me to be home. She wanted to take care of me. She wanted me to be loved.
Damn. I knew this was going to happen. This was my baby. If you know me you know how the relationship between my daughter and I is. She is my everything. We are always together. But like I said, I knew this going to happen. I told myself that I wasn't going to break.
I did not stand a chance though. Seeing her cry broke my damn heart. I told her I was coming home tomorrow. She smiled and seemed to feel more comfortable. We talked for a little while, and said our goodbyes.
When I hung up the phone, I just threw it. I could not stop crying. Seeing my baby cry for me and beg for me to come home really hurt. What was I doing? There I was, sitting in a hotel room in Morgantown, West Virginia, a little less than three weeks after having major surgery for cancer on my lung. I really thought I could drive across the country and write a book in my condition? WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING!?!?
She was right. My baby was right. My 11 year old daughter was right. I was so damn tired. I just spent damn near the last 24 hours crying. I just had an anxiety attack and manic episode. When I laid on that bed in that hotel room, I went to sleep immediately.
That morning I slept in. I didn't check out of the hotel until after 10:00 AM. Since I was already in West Virginia, I figured that it would be a no-brainer to go visit Tramell on my way home.
If you do not know Tramell, here is a quick rundown. He was one of my 3 really best friends growing up. Nevin is my brother so I don't put him in that category. If you know me, you know who the other two people are. In reference to Tramell... has a wonderful personality, is kind-hearted, and has pushed boundaries. Sometimes he pushed boundaries too far and in the wrong direction. His 41 year prison sentence for robbing banks is an indication of that.
Tramell has been locked up for 10 years and two months. His prison sentence was for 41 years. He has 31 years left of his sentence to complete. Now picture this scene: Two men are sitting in the middle of a big room in a Federal Prison in the middle of nowhere, West Virginia. One man has cancer, but is completely free. He was told that he had 1-2 years or "maybe a little more" to live, all things considered. The other man has a clean bill of health, but will be completely confined for the next 31 years. He has no foreseeable hope of going home. It is really interesting to look at "time" from both of those perspectives. Time is weird.
Anyway... we had one of the best conversations we have ever had. My friends and I always had great conversations. We didn't have smartphones or the internet when we spent 24 hours together back in the day. Our communication was constant. We were always engaged, resulting in some special interactions.
This conversation was one of the special ones. We laughed. We LAUGHED!!!!! We talked about old times. During this conversation there were moments that he felt like he was free, and I felt like I was going to live forever. There time goes being tricky again...
We also talked about serious issues. I told him about how I wanted to drive across the country and write a book about it. When he heard about my idea, he looked me square in the eye and starting cracking up. He said that I would be a fool to go out there alone and attempt to change the world. He told me that my time left in an attempt to save the world was over. He told me that I should focus on putting my time and resources into my children, so that they can attempt to save it.
While I do not wholeheartedly agree with everything he said, for the most part he was right. I should not be out in the world globetrotting while my children are at home worried about me.
After talking to him for a while, I wanted to ask him one last question. I wanted to ask him if he could get out today and have as much time as the doctors thought I had... what would he do? Without a pause, his face lit up. His eyes were wide open! Before he could say a word, I stopped him. I told him not to say anything. His facial expression was all I needed to see.
I still have time left. I am not going to live solely according to my prognosis. While I may not have enough time to write the book that will save the world, maybe the time spent instilling great qualities into my children will enable them to do so. I want to give my children that same eye opening feeling that Tramell felt when he had the idea of freedom in his mind. I want to empower them with the ability to feel like they can accomplish whatever they dream.
After the conversation between Tramell and I, I knew what I needed to do. It took me days of stress and contemplation, a puddle full of tears, and driving all the way to West Virginia to realize that the rest of my time on this Earth needs to be spent with with my children and family.
So all of that leads me to this morning. I am sitting at the kitchen table. My dream is not going to come true. I let my friends down. I let Allentown down. I am not going to change the write the book that changes the world.
We are.
If you know me, you know that I am rather creative. Another thing you know is that I am not a quitter. Anyone that has ever fought with me knows that I will fight until there is no tomorrow. Deante told me he thought I was crazy after we go into it at Union Terrace back in the day. I won't stop until I give everything I have.
My daughter is 11 years old. She is a great writer. Sometimes I read some of her homework assignments and I am just like... "wow." Her writing is amazing. She also loves media. She is a wizard on the iPhone. She is extremely talented, and it would be fun to have her use some of those skills while expressing herself.
My son is 19 years old. He is very quiet, but extremely interesting when he expresses himself. He has a blog, but he doesn't show it to anyone. He writes, takes pictures, and shoots videos. The first time I saw his blog, I was in complete shock. It was excellent.
What two people in this world would be better to help me write a book than my own children? How about creating a blog, or even making a documentary? It is time for me to pass the torch. The time is now. There is no turning back. I am going to drive my children across the country. I am going to have them help me write a book. They are going to be the co-authors. I am also going to have them help me make a documentary. They are going to be the co-producers. I am going to have them help me maintain this blog from now on... even until after I am gone. They are also going to look after me physically while we are on this trip.
I have taken my daughter out of school. Her absences are excused. My son is already out in the world. I am going to pick him up along the way. It is my goal to show my children the United States of America. Unlike my other blog posts, I am going to blog each experience in real time. I want to make a new post at least every two days rather than blogging the whole trip in its entirety once I come home. I am going to have my children make posts. I am going to have everyone record footage and take pictures. I want them to remember this experience for the rest of their lives. I want them to be heavy contributors. In addition to the blog and a documentary, this experience is going to be a book. Not only a book in physical form though. I want to have every word in the book read out loud by the writer. I also want to have it video recorded. Imagine if you could hear F. Scott Fitzgerald read the Great Gatsby out loud. Imagine of you could actually see him reading it. We are in 2017, and I wanted to be creative in the way I attempt to produce my art. So this will be a video and audio book in addition to a physical book.
I don't know what is about to happen. All I know is that I have just enough money to give my children a worthwhile experience. I am not scared to go out in to the world, go for broke, and start over from scratch. I have lived with zero dollars before as a grown man. I slept on a florescent green pool raft as a 30 year old man when I was going through some hard times. I have come back from nothing time and time again. I am no longer scared to face any of my fears. I am going to go out into the world with my children. Since cancer may not give me the opportunity to give my children a lifetime of opportunities, I want to take this chance to give my children the opportunity of a lifetime. Will this documentary make the Sundance Film Festival or Netflix? Will the book make the New York Times Best Sellers list? For all I know, it all might suck. If it all doesn't work out, that is alright. At least I can say I tried. When I die I want Jules to write on Facebook... "THAT MAN JUG WAS CRAAAAAAZY LMAAOOOOO!!!!" because I went for it. I want everyone to smile when they see me in my casket. I want everyone to know that I pushed the envelope, even though I may not have accomplished my ultimate goal of saving the world.
I know us though. I believe in us. I believe that we have what it takes to create something great. Let's see what happens.
Are your ready? I am.
Lets go.
Talk to you soon.
-Kyle
Friday, January 27, 2017
It is 3:12 pm. I am sitting at the kitchen table. Lets get right to it.
My cancer is no longer in remission.
When I returned from Egypt, I was scheduled for my bi-annual scan. Even though I felt good, was strong, and seemed relatively healthy... the results of my 6 month scan showed that I had a new active nodule in my right lung. After having it biopsied, the nodule was shown to be cancerous.
What does this mean? My cancer was initially categorized as Stage IV, centrally located in the head and neck area. This new nodule is in my lung. That means the cancer spread into my bloodstream. At this point, it could resurface anywhere in my body. In other words, I may be in trouble.
This information from my doctor was hard to take. I have written about this in detail, and will have it shared at a later date. I don't feel like reliving that moment right now. To make a long story short, the recommended treatment was chemotherapy until I die. The doctor said life expectancy was 1-2 years for most, but since you are young and healthy(seriously?) it could be "a little longer."
That was the beginning of December. I have since gotten a second opinion, and will be having surgery to remove the mass I have in my lung next week in Philadelphia. I will be in the hospital for 3-4 days. I will need a feeding tube in my nose, catheter, the whole nine yards.
Since then I have been in a pretty dark place. I have just been trying to make sense of it all. I have so much more left to do here. I want to see my son become a father to a son. I mean a girl would be cool, but I really, really, want to see the boy that is coming next. And my daughter... where do I start. I want to pretend to threaten her prom date, but then give him money and really be there to wish them a good time. I want to walk her down the isle, if she so chooses to. I want to see what positive effect she would have on the world.
Since then I have been in a pretty dark place. I have just been trying to make sense of it all. I have so much more left to do here. I want to see my son become a father to a son. I mean a girl would be cool, but I really, really, want to see the boy that is coming next. And my daughter... where do I start. I want to pretend to threaten her prom date, but then give him money and really be there to wish them a good time. I want to walk her down the isle, if she so chooses to. I want to see what positive effect she would have on the world.
Being told that I am not going to witness those moments is... tough. I have cried and cried and cried and cried. I feel like I am just coming around though. Perspective is one of the most important attributes one can have. I have literally spent the last 2 months re-configuring mine, and I feel like I am now in a space of peace and comfort.
Now don't get it twisted, I am going to do absolutely everything possible to stay alive for as long as I can. I am going to be happy, love, and live gracefully. I am going to continue to train, eat healthy, and stay positive. I am going to fight.
It took me a long time to open up about this. Opening up is the right thing to do though. I have gotten deep into metaphysics, and I really believe that the positive energy I received during my first bought of cancer from the community really helped me. It is my hope that will happen again.
So with all of that being said... I ask you to say a prayer, kind word, or anything for me. You don't have to tell me directly, but just verbalize it, write it down, or think it. I would really appreciate it. And when we see each other... lets keep the cancer talk to a minimum please? Thank you.
That is enough writing. I am now going to step away from the computer and live my life. I have no symptoms. I do not feel sick so I am not going to be sick. I don't have my daughter so I am going to drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive. I am going to disconnect from the world and just breathe some fresh and new air. I am going to listen to Earth, Wind, and Fire, turn off the phone, and let the universe do its thing. If you want to ride with me, you can. Not in the car... but the wave... just press play...
I am smiling... and you should be too. Hug someone, tell them you love them, and be happy. The universe came together to let me exist as a human being on this thing called Earth for 36 years. I am extremely thankful for having had that opportunity. Enjoy your weekend everyone. I have today. I have right now. I am going to make the most of it. I am going to enjoy it. I will be in touch one way or another soon.
Love,
Kyle
Now don't get it twisted, I am going to do absolutely everything possible to stay alive for as long as I can. I am going to be happy, love, and live gracefully. I am going to continue to train, eat healthy, and stay positive. I am going to fight.
It took me a long time to open up about this. Opening up is the right thing to do though. I have gotten deep into metaphysics, and I really believe that the positive energy I received during my first bought of cancer from the community really helped me. It is my hope that will happen again.
So with all of that being said... I ask you to say a prayer, kind word, or anything for me. You don't have to tell me directly, but just verbalize it, write it down, or think it. I would really appreciate it. And when we see each other... lets keep the cancer talk to a minimum please? Thank you.
That is enough writing. I am now going to step away from the computer and live my life. I have no symptoms. I do not feel sick so I am not going to be sick. I don't have my daughter so I am going to drive and drive and drive and drive and drive and drive. I am going to disconnect from the world and just breathe some fresh and new air. I am going to listen to Earth, Wind, and Fire, turn off the phone, and let the universe do its thing. If you want to ride with me, you can. Not in the car... but the wave... just press play...
I am smiling... and you should be too. Hug someone, tell them you love them, and be happy. The universe came together to let me exist as a human being on this thing called Earth for 36 years. I am extremely thankful for having had that opportunity. Enjoy your weekend everyone. I have today. I have right now. I am going to make the most of it. I am going to enjoy it. I will be in touch one way or another soon.
Love,
Kyle
Tuesday, November 1, 2016
I used to love going swimming when I was a kid.
I lived close to Fountain, a public pool that was a 5 minute walk from my house. In the summertime I used to go there all of the time with my friends Mel, Joe, Jason, Ronnie, and Taylor.
Even though Fountain was the smallest of all of the public pools in Allentown, there were a lot of reasons why we went there. It was close, we knew all of the other kids who swam there, and it was free to get in. We would stay there all day from pretty much open until close.
One day my friend Joe recommended that we go to Mack Pool. I thought to myself, "Why would we go to Mack when Fountain is right down the street?"
There were a variety of different reasons why I didn't want to go to Mack Pool. It was over two miles away from our neighborhood. We had to walk there. We didn't have any friends there. We had to pay to get in. We were comfortable at Fountain. Going all the way to Mack seemed like it would be an unnecessary hassle.
When I asked Joe why we he wanted to go to Mack Pool, he replied to me by saying... "They have a high dive."
At that point in my life, I had never jumped off of a high dive. The idea of it was actually kind of scary. Fountain didn't even have a diving board. Even though I wasn't convinced that going to Mack would be a good idea, it was Joe's idea. Joe was older than I was. He was undoubtedly the leader of our crew. Despite my apprehension, I went anyway.
Just getting to Mack Pool would prove to be a challenge. In the late 80's, for me to get the $1 entry fee to enter a pool was no easy task. I remember my mother and I being on subsidized housing, and our rent being $26 dollars per month. That meant the price of admission to Mack Pool was roughly 4 percent of what it cost to pay our rent.
The day before we were supposed to go to Mack for the first time, I begged my mother for that dollar. I had to roll up 100 pennies and exchange them at the diner for a paper dollar, but I made it happen.
Walking to Mack Pool took forever. It was hot. We were 8-12 year old kids, so we subconsciously did things to break up the monotony of the long walk. We played tag along the way. We put rocks on the train tracks and watched the train run over them. We even jumped into Trout Creek to cool off. Our two mile walk took about took 2-3 hours.
When we finally arrived at Mack I remember saying to myself... "Wow." Fountain was kind of small, kind of dirty, and kind of basic. Mack was very big, very clean, and very elaborate. Seeing Mack with my own eyes made me understand why Joe really wanted to go there.
As soon as we got there, Joe immediately ran to the diving board area. I sat on the bench next to the diving boards. I watched as Joe had an amazing time doing all kinds of jumps off of the high dive. I looked at the high dive and thought to myself, "Damn, that is kind of high. "
After a few minutes, everyone was jumping off of the high dive except for me. I was scared. I was used to jumping into the pool off of the ledge at Fountain where there were no diving boards. I actually climbed up the ladder to the diving board a few times and looked over the edge, but couldn't quite force myself to jump. I ended up climbing back down the ladder and taking a seat back on the bench.
In between one of Joe's jumps off of the board he came over to me and said, "You can't be scared all of your life. You are going to miss out on all of the fun"
At that moment, I realized that I had to make a choice. I was either going to live in fear and have an alright time while swimming in the common areas of the pool, or I was going to have what looked like the time of my life by jumping off of the high dive.
I couldn't stop now after already coming so far. I had to pretty much beg my mother for that dollar to get into the pool. I spent over 2 hours walking over two miles in the heat just to get there. I wasn't going to let my fear come between me having a good time. I decided that I was going to jump.
I proceeded to climb the ladder. I walked to the edge of the board. I was scared to death. At the side of the board was Joe and the rest of my friends telling me to do it. After standing there for a while, I just did it. I jumped.
What an exhilarating feeling! Jumping off the high dive was so much fun. Five minutes after my first tentative jump, I was doing all kinds of acrobatic jumps. In addition to overcoming my fear of jumping off of the high dive, my group of friends met a bunch of new people that we would become friends with. It was great.
In hindsight, that day was one of the most important days of my life. It made me realize that I could achieve great things when I step outside of my comfort zone. While Fountain Pool was fun and I would go back there many times, the sacrifices I had to make in order to get to Mack Pool every once in a while were really worth it. While jumping off of the high dive did not make me fearless, it made me understand that I had the ability to overcome my fears. That day opened up a world of possibilities for me. I have since applied those concepts to pretty much every aspect of my life.
Thanks Joe.
---
Fast forward to 2016. I am eating dinner with a few of my friends. During the course of our conversation, I mention that I am going to Egypt. I also mention that for a variety of reasons I am going alone. My friend Sindia then tells me, "It is Maria's dream to go to Egypt... you should ask her to go with you."
Below is a picture of Maria...
Maria is Sindia's cousin, and my classmate from high school. I had not spoken to her since we graduated 18 years ago. While Maria and I met in the sixth grade and were always cool, we were never really that close. Even though Sindia suggested I ask her to go, I really wasn't expecting Maria to consider it. I mean we weren't talking about going to a beach that was an hour away for a day or anything. Were were talking about going half way across the world.
Despite all of that, I casually asked Sindia to send Maria a text message informing her that I was going to Egypt. Sindia sent the message. Maria responded immediately by saying she was intrigued. I then causally asked Sindia to give me Maria's phone number so I could send her a text message. She did. Maria and I then began to engage in conversation.
As Maria and I spoke, I could tell that she was interested. While being interested is cool, actually going through with it is something completely different. I sent her the days I was going, flight information, and the hotel I was staying at. She said she would see if she could make it work with her schedule.
After talking about Egypt, we started to talk about each other. This conversation really inspired me, and made me realize that Maria would be the perfect person to go to Egypt with.
Maria grew up in center city Allentown. She was one of 7 children. She did not have her father in her life. She grew up poor. The more she spoke, the more her story reminded me of my own.
Despite having multiple challenges in her childhood, Maria had big dreams. In middle school she fell in love with science. This love led her to want to pursue a career as a scientist. After graduating from high school she attended Auburn University Montgomery in Montgomery, Alabama. She went on to earn her degree in Biology/Medical Technology. She has had a successful career in her field ever since. She currently works in the Martin Luther King Jr. building in Atlanta, Georgia. The Puerto-Rican girl from 6th and Turner St. in Allentown stepped out of her comfort zone, took the road less traveled, jumped off the high dive, and achieved her dream of becoming a scientist. These are the types of friends I need to have.
A few days after our initial conversation, Maria told me that she was able to make things work her schedule in a manner that would allow her to accompany me to Egypt. After discussing the logistics and specifics, she booked her trip. And just like that, we were going to Egypt.
---
Before I go into detail, I just want to say that Egypt was and is an amazing place. I had very high expectations for this trip, and I was not disappointed. This was truly the experience of a lifetime.
We had a direct flight from JFK airport in NYC to Cairo Airport in Cairo Egypt. The flight was 10 hours long. It wasn't too bad.
Us at the airport
Ticket
Window view
I thought it was odd to have metal utensils on a plane
Coffee
The City: Cairo
Upon arrival in Cairo, I could immediately feel the energy of the city. There were people everywhere. Egypt is a collectivist culture... which means that family, community, and the well being of the group take precedent over any individual pursuits. It was beautiful to see so many people on the streets talking, smoking hookah, and just being together. Even though there are obvious economic hardships in the city, everyone seems to be very happy. The vibe was extremely infectious. Here are some pictures...
People hanging out outside of the store... smoking hookah
Nice flag
Cairo 2016... a man riding through the city on horse while talking on a cell phone
The gas price in the picture above is .95 Egyptian Pounds per liter. That would equate to roughly 41 cents per gallon in the United States
The traffic in Cairo is nothing like I have ever seen before. There are no such thing as lanes. People just drive wherever they have space. I saw literally 2 street lights in the entire city. Car horns are constantly beeping. It is absolutely unbelievable.
Motorcycles are everywhere. I routinely saw 2 and 3 people on the back of these very small bikes. I even saw a mother on the back of a motorcycle holding her baby while the father was weaving in and out of traffic.
This picture kind of summed everything up to us. In it are wild dogs, stray cats, and a horse. They are all in the the same place going through the same scraps. While it may seem relatively chaotic from the outside looking in, none of the animals look stressed. The cats are casually walking away. The horse is calm. The dogs are calm. Seemed like perfect harmony.
Above is a video of us walking through Cairo
Memphis Tours
Before I start talking about the excursions we went on, I wanted to talk a little about Memphis Tours. Memphis Tours was the company that we booked all of our excursions with. Prior to the trip I did a lot of research on the internet in reference to what touring company we should utilize when visiting historic places around Egypt. All roads led to Memphis Tours.
Words cannot explain how happy I was with their services. Each tour included our own personal Egyptologist and our own personal driver. We were picked up and dropped off at the hotel. There was no time limit. We could stay at each site for as long or as little as we liked. All of our tours included the price of admission to each site and a breakfast/lunch/dinner. If we wanted to randomly go somewhere or do something that wasn't scheduled for the day, we were accommodated. I really felt like I was hanging out with a friend that knew his way around the city and knew everything about the sites as opposed to a tour guide.
They offer services all throughout Africa. If you are making the trip, I highly recommend using their services. Their website is below...
Cairo Museum
Over 5,000 years of history and culture is stored at the Egyptian Museum in Cairo. Needless to say, I was extremely excited to visit.
Here is the ticket to the museum.
This is the outside of the museum
That is me with our tour guide Sherif. Again, he was wonderful.
Maria and Sherif
Some of the tools used to construct ancient Egyptian art
Look at the detail on this sculpture. The definition in the leg muscles, facial features, and entire body for that matter are unbelievable.
Even though it is only a few inches in height, this is one of the most significant pieces of art in the entire museum. It is a statue of Cheops, the builder of the great pyramid.
Undoubtedly the most famous artifact in the museum is the mask of King Tutankhamun, otherwise known as King Tut. This is a stock picture, not my own. You are not allowed to take pictures in the area where this mask is located.
In the grand scheme of Egyptian history, King Tut's reign was relatively insignificant. The reason he is so well known is because his tomb was discovered completely intact. The tombs of all of the other pharaohs had been robbed. The discovery of the untouched tomb of King Tut gave historians a complete and accurate depiction of what was in the tomb of a pharaoh.
Below are some other items that were found in the tomb...
Gold chair
Wooden statue of King Tut
Another gold chair
Ancient Egyptian games
Chest
There is another special room in the museum that you cannot take pictures in. It is the Royal Mummies Hall. Located in this special room are mummies of 11 of the most important pharaohs in Egyptian history, including my personal favorite pharaoh Ramses II. It is a pretty special place.
A separate ticket was needed to get in.
Above is a stock picture of the room I found on the internet.
Me leaving the museum.
Nile Boat Cruise
Through Memphis Tours, we booked a dinner cruise on the Nile river. It included a full buffet, a band, and a belly dancer. It was pretty cool. Pictures below...
The food was delicious. It was so good for the entire trip.
I was going in
The belly dancer was good.
Random Pictures
There was a wedding reception in the lobby of our hotel. What made this so awesome is that there were people from all around the world participating in the celebrations. It was pretty cool.
If you cannot read it, it says love. I got it for my mother because I love her.
Currencies from around the world. I have started my own little collection.
Above is Maria at the mortuary Temple of the pharaoh Hatshepsut. Hatshepsut is famous for portraying herself as a male, even though she was indeed a female.
Someone ate all of these desserts. I will give you a hint... it wasn't me!
Egyptian pounds
When in Egypt, do as the Egyptians do
We attended Muhammad Ali mosque. While I am not religious, I feel like it is important to walk in the footsteps of other greats. Here I am in the same place that Malcolm X once prayed. Shout out to Anthony at Random Objects for the t-shirt. You can check out their website at http://www.randomobjects.net/
The City: Luxor
Egypt is filled with history throughout the entire county, not just in Cairo. We decided to book a day trip to the historic city of Luxor. We had to fly in order to get there. A driver from Memphis Tours picked us up at our hotel and drove us to the airport, at which point we met a representative who gave us our boarding passes and walked us to security. Once we got off the plane, a Memphis Tour representative met us at the arrival gate and escorted us to our personal car. Again, I cannot say enough good things about Memphis Tours. What a smooth process.
Luxor is more rural than Cairo. It is also a lot greener. Here are some pictures...
That is the view from the patio of our hotel. It overlooked the Nile River and Valley of the Kings.
Hotel balcony
Children walking home from school. The kids have two shifts in school. One from 7:00 am until noon. The other shift is from noon until 5:00 pm.
Smelling the flowers
The famous Winter Palace Hotel. Agatha Christie wrote the famous book The Death On The Nile while staying there. I am not going to front... I have never read the book and have no clue who Agatha Christie is.
Chilling.
Karnak Temple
Our first stop in Luxor was at Karnak Temple. This historic area is a complex that was the primary place of worship of my favorite pharaoh, Ramses II. The complex consists of chapels, amazing pylons, and various other structures. Here are some pictures below...
Maria with our tour guide Mohamed aka Fetas. He was excellent.
Me with my favorite pharaoh, Ramses II
Look at that detail. Amazing.
Luxor Temple
Like Karnak Temple, Luxor was a prominent place of worship. This was one of my favorite places. See the pictures below...
I LOVED the walls
Look at the details
Valley of the Kings
No trip to Luxor is complete without visiting the Valley of the Kings. This area is where the tombs of multiple pharaohs were located. From the outside, it looks like any random mountain. On the inside though are elaborate tombs that served as final resting places for the Kings. Photos are not allowed inside the tombs, so I have taken some pictures from the internet of what is inside.
Looks like an empty mountain... nothing to see here.
Above are what the inside of some of the tombs look like. Because they are underground, a lot of the original color remains. The amount of work and attention to detail that went into constructing these tombs is unbelievable.
The Pyramids
While there are 7 wonders of the world, there really is no debate as to which is number one. Seeing the pyramids with my own eyes has been a life long dream of mine. Seeing them up close and personal was something that was truly special to me. I'm not even going to front, I got the chills when we walked up to them. We were in the presence of greatness. I had stepped out of my comfort zone, made multiple sacrifices, and jumped off of the high dive. I left my home country, traveled to a distant land, and had the experience of a lifetime. I saw the pyramids.
We ended up going to the pyramids 3 times. We went once with a Sherif of Memphis Tours, and twice by ourselves. We could see them from our hotel. They are truly amazing. Here are some pictures below...
It is HUGE. You can see it from outer space
Again, shout out to Random Objects for the t-shirt
Maria is blending in with the rocks
The People
The history in Egypt was amazing. After visiting Egypt and experiencing it first hand, I got a better understanding of why it was amazing. It is because of the people. The interactions I had with the Egyptian people as well as the people visiting Egypt were invaluable. motivational, and inspiring. Pictures, videos, and stories below...
I met these children in Old Cairo. It was a Friday. Friday is a Holy Day... kind of like our Sunday. Old Cairo is a very religious part of town. In Old Cairo I observed numerous Muslims and Christians intermingling. Everyone makes eye contact, is saying hello to each other, and is friendly. It is all love. These kids just came up to me and gave me a high five, so I decided to take a picture with them.
I met these children outside of Muhammad Ali mosque. These kids were sitting all by themselves, taking pictures of the mosque. It was awesome to see their genuine interest in their history and culture at such a young age.
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I saw people of all races and religions in Egypt. The last few pictures I posted were of Caucasians. In all of our conversations, they all advised me that they felt safe and their experiences were extremely enjoyable. I just wanted to give some first person insight for anyone who had those concerns.
This picture was taken after one of my favorite moments on the trip. We were leaving Karnak Temple, and we decided to stop at the store for water. Outside of the store was a group of kids playing a game of soccer. Our tour guide was a former soccer player, so he jumped into the game. He asked me to jump into the game too. I had never played soccer before, but I figured I would give it a shot. In the backdrop is the Nile River, and The Valley of the Kings behind that. What an awesome experience. Maria decided to get her phone and record the game. Watch what I did within about a minute of the game. Video below...
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Pictured above is our new friend Reggie. He stayed at the same hotel as we did, and we ate dinner with him 3 times. We had great conversations. He is from Wisconsin, lived in California, and currently resides in Prague, Czech Republic. It is beautiful thing seeing a brother step out of his comfort zone and relocate multiple times around the world. I was inspired.
Pictured above is my main man Ramses. He reminded me of Jerome from Martin. He thought he was so smooth. He definitely gave me a good laugh.
Above are the gentlemen that sold me this...
If you can't read it, just know that it is the name of a king.
This is my man Ahmed. He is one of the coolest cats I have met anywhere around the world. He owns an alabaster shop outside of Luxor. We were just chilling talking in his shop for about 30 minutes. We were talking about politics, money, iPhone vs. Samsung, and everything in between. As I was about to leave, he asked if he could add me as his friend on Facebook. I said of course. As soon as I accept his friend request, he said he to me... "Who is that?!" He clicked on one of my friends profiles, and proceeded to show me a picture of who he was talking about...
He loves you Chasity!
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I'm not exactly sure what happened or why, but these girls were in LOVE with Maria. This was just an absolute beautiful site to see.
Above is a picture of myself sitting with a man named Abdul. I engaged in many conversations on this trip. This conversation though was definitely my favorite, and the most telling for me. To put things into context, Abdul brings his camel to the pyramids in hopes of selling camel rides. He encounters people from all around the world every single day. Here is a video of part of our conversation below...
In the video, I asked him what nationality of people are the friendliest people, and which are the worst. He responded by saying "they are all the same."
That comment really resonated with me. We really are all the same.
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And that was our trip to Egypt. It was really a life changing experience. I am extremely thankful that Maria was able to accompany me. Sharing this experience with her helped me gain a lifelong friend.
I hope you can take something away from this. I am forever grateful that Joe encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone in hopes of achieving something special. I hope seeing this inspires you to jump off of your metaphorical high dive... whatever that may be.
Until next time... Love.
-Kyle
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