It is Monday, March 13, 2017.

Let’s re-evaluate my current situation:

I told my girlfriend and the person I love more than anything in is this world the truth about every single lie that I have ever told her.

I am now single.

I am homeless.

I admitted to using medical marijuana in a desperate attempt to save my own life, which has probably cost me my job.

I spent all of my money giving my children the experience of a lifetime. I am broke.

I am somewhere lost in California

---

To the normal every day individual, a person might look at the current state of my life and think I am a mess. I beg to differ.

I am in a rare space.

I am in a space that many humans rarely ever go to.

I am in a space of TRUTH.

I am in a space of FREEDOM.

---

I have lost everything… or well what I thought was everything.

What I have gained has paled in comparison.

Do you know what peace of mind feels like?

Nope.

How do I know this?

Because You lie.

How do I know you lie?

Because I know YOU.

I am not going to air anyone else out, other than myself. I will say this though. If you hate me because of my actions and revelations, I can understand why:

Because I am just like you.

Go look at yourself in the mirror right now. I dare you. Look yourself in the eyes. I do not care WHO you are. Are you a 30 year Spanish woman? Are you a 65-year-old white man? Are you a 20-year-old black man? Are you my 11-year-old daughter? Yes, she gets to hear all the “bad” about her father too.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, I want you to ask yourself one single question:

Do you tell the truth?

That is a rhetorical question though, because I already know the answer.

Of course you don’t.

You are a liar.

Now ask yourself these questions

Why do you hate ME so much for what I revealed to the world?

Why do you hate me so much for telling the truth?

Those were rhetorical questions too.

I am going to give you the answer.

The truth that I told you, may remind you of a truth that you have attempted to kept suppressed. My truth reminds you of everything that you hate about yourself.

In psychology it is a term called projection… right Ab?

Ok… look yourself in the eye again.

What do you have buried inside of you?

Remember that time you got fingered at that party and didn’t tell anyone? That didn’t count, right? Do you remember the time that you fucked Jimmy on Spring break? That didn’t count, right? Vegas? Oh, boy. Remember that time you kissed Renaldo while dancing during girl’s night? That moment was special, so that didn’t count right? Right…

Remember the girl you let suck your dick at the bachelor party? It was only head though, so that doesn’t count right. Remember that chick you fucked after the club? You didn’t cum so that doesn’t count right? Right…

It doesn’t have to be all about sex either:

Do you remember the time you told you children to “Say no to drugs…” but you went to the store to hit the blunt and didn’t really get milk? Do you remember when you taught your children a religion, but you yourself didn’t really practice what you preached? Do you remember when you aligned yourself with a political party, and were forced to fight for ideals that you didn’t wholeheartedly believe in? Remember when you forced those ideals on others?

Are you listening to me?

Are you still looking at yourself in the mirror?  

It gets ugly right?

If you hate me, that is why you hate me.

I am bringing out all of those lies, feelings, and emotions that you have buried.

Go get your partner.

I DARE you.

Look them in the eyes.

Tell them the truth.

Tell them the answers to those questions.

Tell them about all of the skeletons in your closet.

Are you willing to put your life on the line?

Are you willing let EVERY wall come down?

Are you willing to get TRULY naked?

Are you willing to get nasty?

Are you willing to tell the person you claim to love your deepest and darkest secret?

If you cannot do those things, you cannot say anything to me.

That is what I did.

I am a man.

I told the truth.

Here is why:

I am tired. Throughout my entire life, I have observed. I have listened. I have read. I have felt.

I am 36 years old and I am at a breaking point in my life. I am the Pink Floyd Album cover…

I never understood this album cover, but one day it just clicked. It was after the medical marijuana of course. I am the light. I am the white light going through the triangle. That is me going through life. Throughout life I have learned. I have retained information. I have read books. I have listened. I know history.

I am at the colorful point of my life now. I have learned enough. Instead of retaining information, it is time for me to create it. Instead of reading books, it is time for me to start writing books. Instead of listening, it is time for me to start speaking.

Throughout my life I have read history.

I am now the color.

It is now time for me to REWRITE PARADIGMS.

It is time for me REWRITE HISTORY.

History was written by man.

I am a man.

It is my turn.

I am a leader. Leaders have to be radical. You will soon understand.. or at least I hope.

I am going to keep going.

---

Addy wanted me to take my last post down.

No.

Fuck that.

I am tired of conforming to false truths. I will not conform to false truths anymore. THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY IS BUILT ON FALSE TRUTHS. I did not vote in the last presidential election. I didn’t tell anyone that I did not vote, and I did not tell anyone why. Here is why I did not vote:

BECAUSE THE SYTEM IS BULLSHIT. It does not matter who is our president. The game is still the game. I am going to break this down in the form of an analogy:

Life and politics are just like a casino. The earth is like a casino that a person cannot leave. When a person is at either place, they don’t even know why they are there. While they are there though, they can purchase food, shelter, and everything else they need. The amount of money and the amount of knowledge they start out with is determined by their parents.

While they are in the casino, they HAVE to pick a game to play. It is kind of like life… you have to pick a career path in order to survive right?

Same thing.

Just as each game at the casino has rules, life has rules too. Each also has odds.

No matter what game you sit and attempt to play while you are at the casino, the odds are against you. The only thing that changes are the dealers.

In politics, our presidents, senators, and mayors are the dealers. In all honesty, they have little to no impact on the game. The game is already the game. The rules are already the rules. The odds do not change. They are just dealing the cards. 

The POTUS is nothing more than a glorified blackjack dealer. They have some power, but not as much as it seems. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people curse out blackjack dealers for no real reason. They were just dealing the cards. The outcome of the scenario really wasn’t their fault.

It is the same thing with politics. Our president is just dealing the cards. Barack Obama is just like Donald Trump. The only difference is how they deal the cards.

Barack is that smooth dealer. He is going to make you feel good. He is relatively young. He is going to joke with you. He is hip. He knows the waitresses, so the drinks will come quicker. He controls the music, so he will play what you like.

Trump is all business when he deals. He doesn’t care what you think. The game is the game, and that is what he is focused on.

Even though Barack Obama and Donald Trump look and act very different, they are both exactly the same. They are dealers. They have the same job, they just do it in a different way. They are dealers in a casino. They are presidents of the most capitalistic nation on this earth. THEIR JOB IS TO TAKE YOUR MONEY.

I am stuck on this earth though, just like I am stuck in this made-up casino. I cannot leave. So what do I do? Well let me first start by telling you what I am NOT going to do.

I am not playing anymore games.

In my old life, everything I did was about the money. I went hard while playing the game. I thought the money would give me a better life. I had to play the game. I wanted to beat the game. If I couldn’t leave the casino, I was going to eat at the steakhouse. If I was hungry in this word, I was talking Addy to nice restaurant. If I had to stay at the casino, I was going to stay in the Penthouse. If I was alive on this earth, I had to aspire to get a big house. I had to have the most prestigious career with the coolest title. I didn’t care if anyone else was happy. I was driven to conquer it all and keep it for myself. That is what I thought winning was. I thought getting money equated to happiness.

Something changed though. When I recently went to the casino, I no longer had to gamble in order to have a good time. I looked at the carpet. It was beautiful. I looked at the lights. I listened to the music. It was energetic music, and it made me feel good. I looked at the waitresses, even though I didn’t drink or didn’t engage. I admired the beauty. I didn’t need to have it or conquer it. They had places to sit, so I could read a book or relax if I wanted to. I could write their if I wanted to. I could spend a whole day there and do a bunch of fun and fulfilling activities, without playing any of the games or without spending any of my money. Addy even came with me. We ate. We had a good time. Being in the casino and not chasing money wasn’t all that bad.

That is how my life has changed after meeting Addy.  I attempted to use Carl Rogers person centered approach to healing. Even though it took 3 years, it worked. Medical marijuana took me over the top.

I no longer chased the money. I went for walks. I smelled flowers. I look at nature now. I see the little things that I always missed while I was so wrapped up in chasing the money. I feel and experience love like I have never done before.

Addy you know this is true, because I know you can feel it in our interactions. Our sex was always good, but I know you notice the change in how I present it to you. It has become so much more abstract. It keeps getting better.

The casino is a psychological warzone.

This EARTH is a psychological warzone too.

Here is the thing though:

BOTH are manipulated.

But by who do you ask?

It is the owners… and the creators.

There is a war going on outside, no man is safe from. It is a war between positive and negative energy. It is a literally a war. This is happening from the inside of our body to the surface. We all literally consist of protons and electrons. I am not going to go that deep into this, but everything on this earth is either negative and positive energy.

Everything we ever see, feel, touch, hear, and smell determines how that energy is transmitted. If you see someone you like, you smile. Positive energy. If you see something sad, you cry. Negative energy.

WAR.

These forces can be altered. They can be manipulated. The powers that be know this.

While in America and in a capitalistic society, these forces are manipulated with the intent to take your money. It isn’t about the actual money though. It is about control. And in a capitalistic society, the person that controls the money has control over the people.

Our Earth is set up just like a casino. Most signs you see (at least the ones from smart companies) is yellow or red. Why? Because those colors tap into your subconscious, and make you want to spend money.

Why does the casino play music? Music is POWER. Music gets into your mind. Music can make a person subconsciously feel a certain way. Music can motivate and inspire. It can make people love. It can give people hope, and make them take just a little bit more money out of the atm.

Why did you think Bob Marley was assassinated? He made too many people feel too good. He was opening people’s minds with his music and his influence. You could not keep him under control. You could not keep him suppressed. He knew and understood the power of a plant, just like the powers that be knew. That is why Bob Marely was murdered. The powers that be do not want to hear the truth. The truth is not profitable. A cure for Cancer is not profitable. With how the field of psychology is currently constructed, it needs medicine. If big PHARA can prescribe a pill to a person, and that person ‘thinks’ that the medicine will make them feel better, they will be able to sell medicine forever. That is the game.  

This story needs to be told.

So when I say I do not vote, that means I do not want to play the game.

I am at a point in my life where I want to CHANGE the game.

I don’t want to change the casino though.

I want to CHANGE THE WORLD.

I believe in myself that much.

Now let’s look that the same casino, but just in a different way. Again, I encourage you to unlearn everything you think you know.

The casino has everything that everyone in it could ever need. Nobody ever has to leave, and everyone could be happy if the resources were dispersed in the right way.

The casino and the world aren’t like that though. The owners of the casino control the resources. They also control and manipulate the rules of the game. They also have all of the money.

They tell the dealers how to conduct each game. The owners know how the music, smoke smell, pretty waitresses, alcohol, and money all simultaneously have an impact on people and the games.

All throughout the casino there are constant reminders of why money is so great. There are shiny cars. There are advertisements. There are jewelry stores that you can see from the blackjack tables.

The owners create the allure of this amazing fantasy world, all to get you to sit at the table. The moment you sit down at a table and take out your money, you already lost. 

Well kind of.

You CAN win at the casino while playing the game, even though the odds are against you. They funny thing about this, is that the casino LOVES this. If a person wins a jackpot or a car, they are put on a poster, a television monitor, or advertisement elsewhere. The owners of the casino want everyone to believe that they too will be winners, even though they know that it is mathematically impossible.

Casino games all have odds. The odds are ALWAYS in favor of the house, meaning that in the long game, the house will always win. So if a person wins one million dollars in one night, that one million dollars will eventually be recouped over time with a combination of small losses from a different combination of other people. The house ALWAYS wins.

Now let me help you understand how that translates into life. There is a small population of people in this world that are the owners. They control the information. They control the media. They control the music. They control what you see in nature and on your devices. They have the HAARP machine, so they are even learning how to manipulate the weather. Global Warming anyone? They control the laws. They control the prison system.

In summation, they control everything every human ever comes in contact with.

In other words whether you like it or not

 YOU ARE CURRENTLY UNDER CONTROL, AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IT.

You have to PLAY the game. That is what you have been taught to think since birth. You were conditioned to conform. You HAVE to go to college, right? You HAVE to get that job. You have to do those internship hours. Does that 401k roll over? You aren’t quite sure why you need one, but you have to have one don’t you? Do you own your house? Is that what having a 30-year mortgage means? That is ownership? Should I lease or own my next car? I mean my car is three years old, and I HAVE to stay new right?  

Is that really how we are supposed to live? I do not know. This is what I do know though. If you DO choose to live this way, you can be easily manipulated and controlled. You are at the mercy of the owners. You are constantly being psychologically manipulated.

I have a psychology degree. One of my favorite classes was social psychology. How are you doing Dr. Buburka? I loved your class by the way. It has helped me with this.  

In social psychology class, we analyzed experiments. Scenarios were created by the psychologists. They then put multiple subjects in the same controlled environment and the same controlled situation, to see how they would react. 

The more people that are put through these experiments, the more information that is gathered from the results. Over time you can kind of predict what each human will do when encountered with a certain situation. This information can be continuously broken down by age, sex, religion, and just about everything else in between.

I say off of that to say this:

THIS WORLD IS ONE BIG SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIEMENT, JUST LIKE A CASINO.

Everything in is world is controlled by the owners.

Everything except for the mind of Kyle James Kostic… and a few others.

Look at the scenario you are in right now.

Look at your life.

How did you get there?

You have no idea.

Here is the funny part about that though:

Somebody else knows exactly how you got where you did.

Slavery is as real and as rapid as ever. Do you know what the word conformity is? The powers that be are attempting to condition us to conform. They want us all to do and like the same thing.

Taco Tuesday!

#TBT

#MCM

Are you following me yet?

What does the word globalization mean to you? The world wants there to be one authority. The world wants everyone to be similar. The world wants everyone to like the same things, eat the same things, and desire the same things. Everyone wants the steak dinner, and everyone wants the penthouse, and everyone wants the money.

Why would the powers that be want everyone to want the same thing?

That answer is really easy when you think about it.

 Control.  

That makes the game of the world being one big social experiment easier. It has already been established that if you control a scenario, you can control people. Now let’s take this a step further: What if all people were extremely similar, and almost the same? That would make it so much easier to control EVERYONE.

Are you following me?

So I say all of that to say this:

I cheated on my girlfriend for my entire relationship. In your world and in your mind, that makes me an asshole. Try to listen to my explanation with an open mind, and try to unlearn everything that you think you know when you hear me out.

I created a world of lies. The relationship between Addy and I was one big social psychology experiment... and it worked. I manipulated Addy, and it caused her to love me.

Here is the thing though: While it was a social psychology experiment, it was simultaneously something else. I was also simultaneously using Carl Rogers method of healing and rebuilding to fix myself.

While I was creating a world for Addy in my social psychology experiment, I was also creating a new me using Carl Rodgers method of self-healing. The process was slow, but I slowly started to become who I really wanted to be.

This is what happened the other night: The social experiment and the Carl Rodgers healing process all culminated at the exact same time.

Addy, I could have not created a better environment for you for that scenario to occur. You KNOW it. While I hate clichés, you really do have to go to a far-away place and do some pretty far out things in order create and do something that has never been done.

Addy, I TOOK YOU TO THAT PLACE.

YOU LOVE IT THERE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

It was too much for you to handle.

I know it.

But you know I am right.

The paradigm has changed.

You saw true unconditional love with your own eyes, and you know it. You saw a relationship that was a million times BETTER than what you THOUGHT you and I had.

The other night, Addy and I spent a night with my friends. I am going to call them my healers, because that is what they are. They are truly special people.

These people are fascinating. They are just about everything that Addy really wanted to be. If she could have picked a location to live, it would have been that location, if she could have built a house, it would have been that house. If she could have decorated the house how she wanted to, she would have decorated it the exact same way that the house we visited was decorated. If Addy would have planted a garden, she would have done it exactly how it was done at the place where we were staying. If Addy could cook whatever food she wanted, it would have been the food she at that night.

It was too much for her.

That was just the environment. There is more.

When Addy heard my healers talk, she was captivated. She listened. She knew that they were thorough. She knew they had a linear element to them. She knew they were sharp.

This is what bothered her. They did not look like Dr. Bartolli. They did not look like Dr. Hodge. This information was not presented to her in a book, in a lab, or in a controlled environment. We were in the motherfucking WILD. Now even though everything came together and everything made sense, Addy did not want to unlearn everything she though she knew about life. She was too invested in her old life, and her old paradigm.

This is true in reference to a few things. I think she has come around to the medical marijuana. If she hasn’t by now, she NEVER WILL. I am writing this because it is my hope she comes around on one more thing:

That thing is LOVE.

My healers are a couple. They are in LOVE. And when I say love… this love is different. It is real love. In life not only did I show Addy what the best psychological theory was… not only did I show Addy what the cure for cancer is (a combination of modern western medicine practices[surgery], meditation, and medical marijuana) … I also showed Addy TRUE LOVE.

What a day.  

My healers are a couple.

They met while having a threesome with another woman.

Again, rethink everything that you THINK you know.

My healers thoroughly explained this encounter. They said that while their initially interaction began as a threesome, it eventually evolved into a twosome. When them too engaged in their initial moment of love, the third person might as well have fallen off of the earth. Prior to that moment, my healers were polyamorous, non-monogamous, or something else in between. They were wild and cray beings in a wild and crazy world.

But then something weird happened.

THEY happened.

LOVE happened.

Neither of them ever thought they would ever be in a committed relationship. Neither of them WANTED a committed relationship. Love has a crazy way of changing people though. LOVE changed them. They became a couple. Two lifelong non-monogamous people came together in a wild and crazy world to became monogamous.

That is real love.

Kanye West once said, “Love was curse by monogamy.”

He was right.

Monogamy is not natural. That is a FACT. How do I know this? That is what my college thesis was on. I know more about monogamy than most humans. I know that the research says.

Here is the thing though: You can be monogamous in a non-monogamous world. I am not talking about most of these relationships either. Most marriages are bullshit.

Can I continue to keep it all the way real?

If you are reading this, your marriage might be bullshit.

Are you willing to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if your relationship is full of lies and a bunch of bullshit?

Do you remember when you thought about your deepest and darkest secret?

Could you tell your spouse that secret?

Could you tell your parents that secret?

Is your relationship better than mine because you hold onto that secret?

Are you a better man, or woman, or child than me?

No.

If your answer to that question is no, then you are a coward.

I am the truth in a world full of lies.

I will not go back to lies.

I am tired of the world conforming to lies.

Addy wanted me to take down my last blog post just in case her parents saw this.

No.

They need to see this.

They need to know who I am really am… or who I really used to be.

The truth is raw. The truth is real. The truth is the good and the bad. I was who I was, and I own it. I own my truth. I come from nothing. I come from scum. I am crying right now because nobody understands the pain that I come from. Nobody can fully understand but me.

I found myself though.

It was through love.

Truth = LOVE

Love =Addy

It was you Ab.

You led me on the right path. How many times did I tell you that you opened up a whole new world for me? You truly did Ab.

You showed me a world that I did not believe existed. I was a poor kid from 9^th St. in Allentown, PA. I had no idea Lake Mincy existed. I had no idea how beautiful nature is. You showed me Ab. I had no clue about Tumeric and Kombucha juice. I am drinking a Romba right now Ab. I never thought that Christopher Strickland’s son would EVER want to be monogamous. Addy Elizabeth Jefocoat, YOU changed all of that. You changed me Ab.

Now let me change you.

Addy, you saw it. You saw it with your own eyes.

Addy, you cannot unsee the dick.

I showed you the world. I took you to a place that no other doctor, boyfriend, professor, or colleague could ever have ever taken you. You did not think that place existed. You loved it, and it scared the shit out of you. It is ok though. Absorb it. Take all of the information into consideration. Break down the old paradigm and create a new one. Do what Dr. Wesp taught me to do.

Addy, you know what the cure to Cancer is. You know the power of meditation. You know the power of food. You know the power of water. You know the power of forgiveness. You know the power of marijuana, and the power of Carl Rodgers.

Addy, I want you back.

I fucking love you, and I want to be with you and only you.

I know that you love me.

I know you believe in me.

You are a psychologist. I am speaking in your language, so I know that you understand me.

FUCK THE REST OF THE WORLD. WE WILL EDUCATE THEM. WE WILL MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND. WE WILL CHANGE THE PARADIGM.

Here is the thing though Ab, I only want you back on one condition:

I need you to think bigger Ab.

Addy, I love Melissa Mouchreff.

Why do I love Melissa?

It is because of her mind.

Why do I love her mind?

I love the mind of Melissa Mouchreff, because she is the smartest person I have ever met in the world. She is a TRUE GENIUS. Here is what else I love about her mind:

It makes me think about the POTENTIAL of the mind of Addy.  

Right now Addy, Melissa is smarter than you. You are the second smartest person I know Addy.

You aren’t done yet though.

That beautiful mind is still expanding. You have not had your Fibonacci moment yet. Addy, you are way too linear. I need you to become the colorful light beam in the picture on that Pink Floyd Album Cover.

If you turn on your abstract mind, there is NO LIMIT to what you can do.

It is time for the course of your life to change.

Addy, you have read more books than anyone that I have ever met.

It is time for you to start writing them.
Addy, you know every single thing about every single theory.

It is time for you to create your own.

I cannot sit around and watch you do 3000 hours of an internship. I cannot do it. That is not the life I will return to. Addy, I am here to tell you that your thinking has been all wrong. All of this time you have been attempting to learn the field of psychology. With or without me Addy, it is time for you to re-shape and re-create the field of psychology.

If you aren’t thinking that big Addy, you aren’t thinking big enough for me.

If you continue to think that way Addy, we cannot be together anyway.

---

I am a new person.

 I have absolutely nothing, and that is ok.

My mind has never been this clear. I am mentally strong and mentally safe. My cancer is cured. I am starting over in every sense of the world. I literally have no baggage. I can fill my heart, mind, body, and soul with pure truth without having to be afraid. I do not have to worry burying lies.

I no longer have anything to suppress.  

I might look like a mess right now, but I am excited for my future.

I want you to be a part of my future Addy.

Just me and you.

If the rest of the world down not understand, that is ok.

Let’s make them understand.

LET’S CHANGE PARADIGM’S TOGETHER.

That is was Sue from that store in New Hope was telling us. We are the leaders. We are the creators. I am sitting here in the middle of nowhere literally rewriting history. I am attempting to change the way people think, in order to help them achieve peace of mind while they are enamored by the distractions of the casino… or should I say the distractions of the world.

I need you out here helping me.

Has anyone ever asked you to change a paradigm with them? That is pretty fucking romantic if you ask me.

Addy, you are the only person in this world that I want to see right now.

Come get me.

My healers know where I am at.

Come on this journey with me.

If you don’t come, I am going to keep going.

Come with me Ab.

I have taken you farther than you ever imagined that you could go.

KEEP GOING.

I hope to see you soon Ad.

Love,

Kyle.

----

Before this ends, I want to apologize to anyone that I may offended. That means Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, Melissa, or anyone else in between. My intent was to make myself look bad, and not anyone else.

Here is the thing though:

Every woman that I have even been with can hold their head high, because whatever experience we had was LOVE. Ask Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, or Melissa if they ever felt anything other than LOVE during any of our interactions. It was always LOVE, and they know it.

As a young man, I just did not understand the power of LOVE. LOVE is POWERFUL. Love can take over a person. It took me over in those moments. As I grew through life, I did not know how to harness LOVE. I learned that I did not have to harness it though. Monogamy isn’t natural right?

Again, Addy changed all of that. I want to pour all of my love into her.

Love is all things. It is not just the good. Love is EVERYTHING.

Love is being able to self-correct oneself.

Love is being able to admit when you are wrong.

Love is willing to get naked in a damn yome while crying your eyes out, and expressing oneself like never before.

Love is you taking be back Addy.

You are love Addy

While I love the whole world… Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, and Melissa included… I vow to love you differently Ab.

Addy, you are the one.

Let’s make this story a story of forgiveness.

I am going to change the paradigm.

WE can change the paradigm.

We can reshape people’s idea of what TRUE love is.

Allentown is going to read this story. They are going to understand, and they are going to forgive me. Allentown is going to understand that this story is so much bigger than me and my actions.

Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, and Melissa probably already understand. They know I love them, and every moment we shared was love.

Come get me Ab.

That is how this story ends.

Make it a love story.

I love you Ab.

Come bring me home.

You are the only one that can do it.

My healers know where I am located

I love you, and I will be waiting.

Love,

Kyle

To die a young legend? Or live a long life unfulfilled

'Cause you wanna change the world, but while alive you never will

'Cause they only feel you after your gone, or I've been told

and now I'm caught between bein' heard and getting old, damn

Death creepin' in my thoughts lately

My one wish in this bitch, "Make it quick if the lord take me."

-J. Cole, Immortal, 2016

The verse from this song really hits home for me. I am going to give you the genius breakdown of what he is really saying (https://genius.com/10979083). The owner of genius.com is a good guy. If you really want to understand what artists are trying to convey in their songs, his website is a great resource. Anyway, genius.com says... 

Cole feels like living legends aren’t appreciated as much as legends who have already passed away. Since all Cole wants is to be heard and make a difference in the world with his music, he feels like he has to decide between two options: die while he’s at his best and be heard, or get old and have his best work forgotten.

I get it Jermaine. When I think of my situation and my story, I have similar feelings. While my message has gotten the ear of many, I feel like me dying while I am at my best will only enhance the importance of my message. I want people to have a sense of urgency in reference to their lives. I want people to dare to be great, and dare to have the courage to chase their dreams. Seeing me NOT being able to do that anymore would be extremely impactful to others. 

I have pondered this thought for a while. My death is the best way for this story to end. Suicide was the answer. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you will NEVER understand how I feel. Suicide would serve two purposes: 

The first thing my death would do is alleviate my pain. Do you know how difficult it is for me to walk around with the rain cloud of cancer over my head for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Do you know how it feels to have a random feeling in your stomach, and automatically assume that the feeling is the "final tumor" that is going to kill you? That is the unfortunate reality of a person with cancer. That is my life. That issue would be resolved by death.

The second thing my death would do is make my story more impactful. Since I have gotten cancer, I have displayed my will to live. I have taken the chances I have always wanted to take. I have lived and enjoyed the life I have always wanted to live. I feel like people seeing my dream and my life being taken away from me would go a long way in terms of inspiring others. 

With all of that being said, I wanted to kill myself. I had a plan. I am not going to talk about it now, but I will at great length in another post I have planned. Now if you know anything about mental heath, having a suicide plan is a big deal. The plan itself is a huge step and goes a long way in reference to a person actually carrying out the suicide. I had everything in order, I was ready. 

Enter this... 

The picture above is an album cover for "Malibu," a project by an artist named Anderson Paak. One morning while I was at home, a NYC radio personality named Charlamagne tha God recommended that his audience listen to this album. (What up Charlamagne... yes, I will do the Breakfast Club or Brilliant Idiots when I get home). 

Charlamagne has been my man since back in the Wendy Williams days on Power 99. I like Charlamagne's taste in music. Even though he is "The Radio Guy," his taste in music isn't really mainstream at all. When he recommended the album, I decided I was going to check it out. 

As soon as I started listening to the album, it captivated me. I put my headphones in and just let myself go. The album was so soulful, so funky, and so truthful. It took me to a different place. 

For me, the message was packaged and presented so perfectly. It was exactly what I needed at the time. He talks about overcoming adversity, being positive, and having an appreciation for life. It is soulful. The sound itself just makes me feel good.

I am familiar with using music as therapy... and I must say it really does work. This album helped me with my depression. This album prevented me from carrying out my suicide plan. It made me want to live. 

There is one specific song that really saved me. I have the chills just thinking about it. The song is entitled "Celebrate." It is the first song in this video I made...

While the whole song is great, there is one line that I really hold onto. It goes...

"But you are doing well, I mean your not dead...  so let's celebrate, while we still can."

That simple line changed my perspective on life. Prior to hearing that, I was depressed. I was sad. I just wanted to give up on life. I was ready to carry out my plan. I really didn't care.

That line made me realize that I was still alive. That line made me realize that I still had a choice. That line made me realize I was not dead yet.

Once the message from the song really sunk in, I decided that I wasn't going to live out the remaining days of my life feeling sorry for myself. I had been given a life, and I still had some of it left. I then decided that I was going to "Celebrate," while I still could.

I love thinking about how people make what they make. I love understanding what inspirations artists draw from when they are inspired to create. It is fascinating.

This album was created in California. I told myself that I NEEDED to go to where this album was created. I wanted to tap into the energy and vibe that Anderson Paak tapped into when he made this beautiful album.

While planning this trip, I knew that California was going to be a place that I was going to want to spend a lot of time. While the album Malibu was one reason, there were many more.

We did a lot in Los Angeles. We went to a Lakers game. I casually gave Jalen Rose a pound in passing after he said no to autographs from a number of people. My son looked at me and said... "How did that happen?" I told him... "Real recognize real son."

We went to Venice Beach. We went to Hollywood Boulevard. My children got to experience a live red carpet. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. We visited Melrose, Sunset, and Rosewood. We did a lot. I have pictures of all of this and they are all over my children's social media accounts. Everyone already knows what those places look like, and I didn't want this to be about the pictures so I am not going to post them. I wanted this post to be about the content and the message.

There is one specific place I did want to talk about though. It was this place...

This place is AMAZING. While I already revealed that I believe in GOD in the form of intelligent design, this place really enhanced those thoughts. Again, it is difficult for me to even attempt to conceptualize why I feel this way, but I really do. I am a believer. Anyway... back to the park.

What makes this place so amazing is that every attraction is the manifestation of a person's imagination. This place actually showed us how people made their dreams a reality. We went on a studio tour that taught us how movies were created. We got to see the sets, the props, and see how illusions were created. It was fascinating.

The attractions themselves were also fascinating. A lot of the attractions are merely simulations. Most of the rides are not actual rides, even though they feel like they are. In most of the attractions you are put in a room where you sit in a little car. The lights are then turned off, and the place is manipulated. You actually feel like you are in another world. The Harry Potter ride has you feeling like you are fighting dragons, flying over the ocean, and talking to trees. It is absolutely amazing that this feeling can be "created" in a room. It is truly mind blowing.

I wanted my children to understand that everything in this place was created. I wanted my children to know that they are creators, and that they can make whatever they want. I am also using myself as an example, as in displaying in the work that I am creating. I also wanted them to know the stories of other creators like myself.

Enter this man... 


This man's name is Bart. I call him B-Art in my head, because "Bart is Art" to me. If you haven't caught on by now... throughout my travels I am featuring people that are from my city. I want to tell the stories of people that dared to be great, and actually went and did it.

I was introduced to Bart via Toomey. Bart and Toomey are cousins. You remember Toomey, right? Here is a picture of Toomey and I at a basketball event that Toomey organized for me. We are holding a painting that was donated to me by B-Art...

More on Toomey later.

It has been fun to see the evolution of Bart as an artist. In our early basketball days, Bart would make our team t-shirts. He would draw these fun graffiti style designs. He would also make t-shirts and other fun styles.

As Bart grew and became a man, so did his art. He began doing paintings. He also does coasters, pillows, and various other items. Here are some of his current designs...

Bart is currently based out of Hollywood, CA. While in the area, I wanted to meet up with B-Art.

First and foremost, I wanted to thank him for the picture he gave me. That really meant a lot to me. I actually gave it to my best friend, Shannon, because it really captivated him and I could tell that he really wanted it. Plus, I like giving, and I love Shannon.

Secondly, I wanted to pick his brain. How does a young boy from Allentown, PA end up in Hollywood? How does a man go from drawing graffiti to painting Floyd Mayweather?

Early one morning while I was in LA, I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard. A California number I did not know was called me. It was B-Art. Coincidentally, he lived in walking distance from where I was. He came to meet me.

The conversation with Bart was so super duper inspiring. Bart told me that he went to Los Angeles with two things: A work ethic and a dream. After spending years of creating quality work, making connections, and building relationships, the art that Bart creates can now be found all over the world. He uses the hashtag #IMEVERYWHERE on social media. It is interesting and inspiring to see how far into the world his art has gone.

There are themes that I am learning along this journey. Everyone that became successful followed their passion. It was never about the money. It is always about the work.

With Bart, his website and company is called Maxwell Dickson. When I spoke to him, I asked him who the heck was that? B-Art told me that name was created. Maxwell Dickson was not a person, and did not exist. Maxwell Dickson is his art. B-Art did not want to attach his name or his brand to his art. He wanted his art to speak for himself. As the artist, he wanted to remain anonymous.

What an inspiring story. It is so refreshing to see someone become successful because they did something that they truly LOVED to do. It is inspiring to see someone become successful because they chased their dream. Bart doesn't do what he does for money. Bart loves making art. Bart chased love. The money and everything that came with it was all secondary.

It makes it even more special to understand that the person doing that is from my city. That gave me an idea.

Los Angeles is the City of Dreams. The city itself is an inspiration. One thing I love about LA is the energy of the city. People are inspired and people are TRYING. That effort is amazing. Everyone is attempting to chase their dreams. Even though a lot of  people may fail, the energy and effort that is displayed is infectious. I could easily move to LA, be inspired, and chase my dream. Bart already has connections. Bart's cousin Kofa also lives in LA, and already has a book being released soon...

If I lived in Los Angeles, I could use my connections to get on. I feel like I have two great products. I have something tangible to sell. I am marketable. I truly believe that I could make it happen.

I then got another idea.

It is 2017. The world is changing. I do not have to move to LA to be discovered. I do not have to move to LA to be great. In this day and age, we have the internet. The internet is arguably the greatest bridge ever created. It really makes the world small. The internet will enable me to be great and be discovered from anywhere. I just have to do the work. It will eventually be found.

Prior to going to LA, I had my mind set on staying. I could make it work in LA. Another theme arouse for me though in that moment. Instead of thinking with my mind, I again thought with my heart.

Allentown built me. Not only did it build me, it also built B-Art. Not only did it build Bart, but it also built Maria, Jess, my cousin Alicia, and all of the other people who were successful when they left Allentown. I want my people from Allentown to understand that.

I want them to also understand this: You do not have to leave Allentown to be great. You can be great in Allentown. Allentown, too, is great. I have decided to become that example. I am going to be a New York Times Best Selling author, and I am going to be based out of Allentown, PA. Instead of me going out into the world, I am going to have the world come see me. I believe that I can take the lead, and put Allentown on the map.

I have been in many places around this world throughout my life. One thing I can say is that Allentown and the Lehigh Valley can stand toe to toe with any city in the world. We have an airport. We have a basketball arena. We have minor league baseball team. The Sands is a casino. There are numerous different subcultures that are pretty neat. Allentown is extremely diverse. There are a number of colleges in the area. The economy is good. There are job opportunities everywhere. We're an hour south of Philadelphia and an hour and a half west of NYC. Allentown is a city itself, but if you wanted an even bigger city feel you are a very short distance away. Allentown has beautiful parks and beautiful landscapes. Allentown is the perfect place to experience all four seasons. Allentown is an hour and a half away from the ocean. I could keep going, but you get the idea. Allentown has a lot to offer.

I do have one issue with Allentown, and it is an issue I vow to have a direct impact on.

The vibe in Allentown can be negative. It can be a dog eat dog world. You have people willing to step on others in order to get ahead for themselves. That needs to change.

Similar to Los Angeles, I want Allentown to become a city of dreams. I want the vibe to be positive. I want to inspire people to chase their dreams. I have provided numerous examples of how this has transpired. I want to let everyone know that they can be great in part of where they came from. I also want to show people that they don't necessarily have to leave to be great. While Allentown is a great bridge to the outside world... that route goes both ways. Allentown is a destination. Allentown is great. I am going to let the world know. When I finish this book, I am going to come home and put Allentown on the map. That is my word.

This in not unheard of though. This is already being done. Let me re-introduce you to Toomey...

Toomey runs an organization entitled LVBR, which stands for Lehigh Valley Basketball Rankings. LVBR is a platform for young men who are interested in playing the game of basketball at various levels. Allentown has had great talent for years. Being located where it is though, the players from New York City and Philadelphia get most of the attention. Over the years Allentown has had some great players that weren't afforded opportunities.  This wasn't because they weren't good enough, but rather because they were never discovered.

Enter Toomey.

Being involved in the basketball community of Allentown for his entire life, Toomey understood this. Toomey knew that this had to change.

Toomey came up with the idea of creating LVBR. It is a website, scouting service, player promotional service, and everything else in between. In short, Toomey became a bridge. Toomey used the relationships he built outside of Allentown in order to bring attention and exposure to those who lived in Allentown.

Toomey has provided the exposure to those that they needed it. He is responsible for many relationships and opportunities that have led to full college scholarships. In our area, there have been many people that have gone undiscovered. With Toomey's organization in place, that will never happen again. This is amazing, and it needs to be recognized. Here are some pictures:

One of Toomey's players playing against Duke. Wow. 

What up Dookie? 

Toomey and his organization has a slogan that goes:

"LVBR...  Always watching." 

Well guess what Toomey... I have been always watching you. You have been a bridge to so many, and you deserved to be recognized. 

---

I want to help Toomey. Like every other organization, LVBR needs to be funded. I would like Toomey to eventually create an annual basketball event in my name. While I want it to center around basketball, I want it to be a family affair. I want it to be like a picnic. I want his organization to receive 100 percent of the profits. He deserves it. 

Toomey has full range of control over this eventual annual event. I only have one request in reference to this annual event, and that is location. I want the event to occur at Fountain Park. I want the event to occur under the The Kyle Kostic Bridge, formerly known as the Albertus L. Myers Bridge. I want the bridge to be the backdrop. I like watching basketball, too. 

So, yes, Allentown, I am coming home. 

Eventually ;-). 

A lot of people were worried that I was going to run away from Allentown forever. Nope. I am not going to kill myself. I have purpose. Allentown is my home. I vow to make the world understand what type of place Allentown is, and what kind of people it produces. Just like LVBR... I am ALWAYS watching. If you are doing something positive for the world... you may be featured next. 

I am still out in the world. I have some really interesting things planned, and some very inspiring stories to tell. 

I will talk to you soon. 

Love, 

Kyle

It is 1:02 AM. I am in a hotel room in Hollywood, CA. I don't want to spend too much time on this topic, so lets get right to it.

While preparing for this experience, there were two specific things that I really wanted to do for myself. The first thing on my list was to retrieve my baby pictures. They were sitting in some boxes in a storage unit in Phoenix, AZ. My mother left them there prior to moving back to Allentown.

The second thing I really wanted to do was to see my father. There were some specific things that I wanted to talk about. If you don't know my story and this is the first time you are hearing me talk about my father, I will try to summarize our relationship in a few short sentences.  My father got my mother pregnant back in 1979. I had no clue what he looked like, who he was, or if he even existed for most of my life. After doing research on my father for basically my entire life, I eventually found him back in 2007. We have seen each other 3 times since. I have spoken to him on the phone around 5 times.

Last week while I was in Austin, TX, I called my father. My father lives in San Antonio, TX, which is a little over an hour south of Austin. I let him know how long I would be in town for, and when I would be leaving. He told me that when he got off of work that evening that he was going to drive to Austin to see me. I told him if it was too much of a hassle that he did not have to come. I told him I would rather he told me he wasn't coming right away, rather than wait until later and have him cancel on me at the last minute.

My father is not the most financially stable individual, so I offered to give him gas money and to pay for a meal for he and his children(my brothers). I was excited to see my brothers. So were Maecee and Koi.

That conversation was at around 9 AM. At around 5 PM, my father calls me and tells me he is on his way. Cool. At 5:30 hr calls me to tell me traffic is pretty bad. At 6 he calls me and tells me that he is having an issue with his tire. He says he didn't think the car would make it. At that point he told me he was going home.

And that was it. No dramatic ending. Just that.

I didn't really know how to feel. I wasn't sure if I was hurt, disappointed, or angry. I wasn't sure. All I know is that I wasn't quite right.

I really just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him what was on my mind. I wanted to be transparent, and talk to my dad about anything. I wanted to build a relationship, and potentially have a future with my dad.

When I speak to my father on the phone, he captivates me. That motherfucker HAS me. I try and try and try to be this tough guy, but my father has me in the palm of his hand. My brother hates that I feel that way about him, because he hates how my father treated me. My brother hates how my father treated him. My brother hates how my father treated our family.

While my father made some mistakes in his life... none of that matters to me. That is my only father. My father put me on this earth. My father was my bridge to the world. I do not care if my father stands me up 100 times. If he wants to come back one more time... I will be waiting with open arms. I don't care what it sounds like. I don't care if that means I am playing the fool, or if that makes me weak. I just want my father.

With all of that being said, I made this video for him. Since I vowed to be completely transparent, I will share the video with you too.

Enjoy.

---

While thinking about my father, I got an idea. This book is entitled "Bridges." In my humble opinion, being a father and building bridges that lead to opportunities for your children should be every mans first priority. When this is done right, it is a beautiful thing.

I often see examples of men who did not have a father go on to raise children and families of their own. Those stories are inspiring. I feel like they need to be shared.

I immediately started to write about Shannon. I then told myself that I would write about someone who had a father, but they still went above and beyond the call of duty as a parent for not only their child but for the non blood relative of their spouse. I immediately started to write about Toomey. I then thought about a single dad. I started to write about Shahad.

I then started to think about the single mothers who handled their business. They need to be acknowledged too. Just like uncle, grandma, and auntie. What about the godmothers? What about pet owners?

I wanted to talk about it all. Writing all of this became overwhelming though. There were so many positive stories to pick from. These stories could have been an entire book in itself(if anyone wants to take on that project with me maybe we can do that some other time).

All of that led me to this. Instead of attempting to express my appreciation for wonderful parents who have provided bridges for their families via writing, I figured I would make another video. People seem to like the videos. For the book this part will be written, and I will pick specific people to talk about. If you did not make the video, I apologize. This was not easy to do.

Enjoy.

Love 

Csl from kyle kostic on Vimeo.

I am from Allentown, Pennsylvania. If you are from Allentown, you know that there are two distinct things that represent the city. The first distinct thing is the PP&L building. Here is a photo below... 

The PP&L building is the tallest building in the city. This structure by itself represents the skyline of Pennsylvania's 3rd largest city. 

The second distinct thing that represents Allentown is the 8th St. Bridge. Here is a picture below... 

This bridge connects South Allentown to North Allentown. It is the main connector between the two most important parts of the city. 

I used to live on 9th St.. I only lived one block away from the bridge. No matter what I was doing, the bridge was always in my view. If we were playing football on the field by my house, we could see the bridge. If we were down at Fountain playing basketball or swimming, we could see the bridge. When I went to daycare, our playground was under the bridge. 

Over the years I began to understand the importance of the bridge. The bridge was POWERFUL. The bridge took people home. The bridge took people to work. Sometimes people jumped off of the bridge, and suicide off of the bridge cost many people their lives. 

True story, I just threw up all over myself. I just threw up not because I am sick, but because I am really excited about what I am about to write. Back to the bridge... 

The bridge was a connector. As I grew into a man, I understood the importance of connection. If the bridge was down in Allentown, traffic was terrible and the city wasn't nearly as fluid as it was when the bridge is fully functional.  

---

If you saw the video to my last post, you saw that my mother is now with me on this experience. There is a specific reason I wanted her to meet me here. 

I love to travel. That wasn't always the case though. When I was younger, I did not think travel was possible. While I saw all of these cool places in books and on television(when I was at a friends house because I didn't have cable)... I didn't think that me visiting Rome, Japan, or Egypt was possible. I thought that stuff was reserved for the rich people. My idea of a vacation was going to 15th St. once every 6 months to get a happy meal at McDonalds. 

Enter this man... 

The man in the yellow shirt is my Uncle Kenny. This picture was probably taken around 1989. My uncle Kenny was the man. He knew my mothers situation was tough. He knew that my mother didn't have any male role models for her son. 

Any time he could, my uncle Kenny took me. He would take me to the basketball court. He would help me throw a baseball. We would play racquetball, jog, and do all kinds of activities. I really loved my uncle Kenny. 

There were even a few times he took me on vacation. Me? Vacation? YES! Our first vacation was in Virginia Beach, VA. We then eventually went to Myrtle Beach and St. Louis too. 

My uncle Kenny was a bridge. He was STRONG. Look at him in the picture. He would actually run across the 8th St. Bridge for exercise. He would do hundreds of push-ups like it was nothing. 

He was also strong enough to handle the mental burden of taking care of a family. The girl pictured below him is my cousin Alicia. She is the daughter of his wife Ruthie. They got together shortly after Alicia was born. Alicia's father was not in her life, and Kenny became her father. He also took care of his biological daughter Jennifer, who is to his left in the photo above. 

If it wasn't for him, I may not have fell in love with travelling. He made the connection. He made gave me the spark, and I ran with it. My uncle Kenny was a bridge. 

---

This is my Uncle Kenny today... 

Life hit my uncle Kenny hard. Tragedy hit my uncle Kenny HARD. My uncle Kenny weighs over 400 pounds. My uncle Kenny spills soda on himself. My uncle Kenny eats hoagies and gets the condiments all over his clothing and face. He cannot keep a cell phone because he always breaks it. 

My uncle now resides in Texas. I wanted my mother to see him. She hadn't seen more than twice in 10 years. She would LOVE that. He would too. My uncle only saw Koi a handful of times in his life. He never met Maecee. It would be good for everyone involved. 

I wanted to surprise my uncle. Here is a video of it... 

Listen to the joy in the tone of his voice when he said my name. What a beautiful moment. 

My uncle Kenny literally gave his life for his families lives. LITERALLY. He sacrificed himself for the greater good of everyone else. He was a man. He was the rock, even though the wear and tear and the pressure of this role in this world would eventually leading to hard times.

Even though Alicia wasn't my uncle Kenny's biological child, he helped his wife instill values and character into her that would enable her to become a strong and independent woman. She is literally and figuratively one of the strongest women I know. My cousin Alicia is FIERCE. She was the first person I knew who graduated from college. She has a successful career She is a loving mother and wife. 

She and her family eventually moved to Austin, TX. Since Kenny was having issues taking care of himself, she and her family fit the bill. I love my cousin Alicia. My uncle Kenny could have stayed stuck in Pennsylvania and continued to be a burden for someone else. Despite her busy life and the impending financial strain he would cause, she took him in anyway. 

While I was in the Austin area, I just wanted to chill with my family. I wanted everyone to relax, eat, watch a game, and have a god time. I wanted to talk sports to my uncle Kenny. I wanted to talk old 70's disco and early 80's hip hop with my uncle Kenny. I wanted my cousin Alicia and my daughter to meet. They remind me soooooo much of each other! My daughter is just as savvy and just as smart. I wanted to be the bridge. I wanted them to connect. And I did it. 

Everyone got together at Alicia's home. Alicia and her husband built her home. It was custom designed. It is beautiful. 

Alicia came from where I came from. She came from where my daughter came from. She was from Allentown. She explored the life she wanted and found her home in Texas. She always attributes her success not only to what my uncle Kenny did for her... but also to what the city of Allentown did for her. It made her tough. At made her a survivor. It made her a believer. Allentown itself too was the bridge. Here are some pictures of us together. 

This is the "real" picture of the cropped out picture above. Look at how comfortable I was. Quite honestly, it was been hard for me to sleep. I have had so much positive energy. I have been wanting to get this story out. Being next to my uncle Kenny put me at ease. His love put me at peace. I took a nap on him. 

I LOVE my uncle Kenny. I will always represent my uncle Kenny.  I don't give a damn if he has salami all over his face and soda all over his chest... I am still going to run and give him a hug as soon as I see him. He is ALWAYS going to be the man to me. He was the bridge to a better life for his family. His daughters are both happy and successful. 

My uncle Kenny was a bridge in many ways in life to me as well. He led me to sports. He led me to travel. It is because of him I will take Quron and Cheese wherever I go at any cost. Even until this day, he continues to be a bridge for me. I say that, because he led me to the following conversation... 

---

Let me go. 

Those were the final words of Arthur Perryman III. Who is Arthur Perryman III you may ask? Here is a photo... 

He looks a little like me right? Anyway... 

I talked about Arthur on a previous blog post. He is the best basketball player in Monroe County history. He is the man who led his underdog East Stroudsburg Cavalier boys basketball team to a magical run back in 1994, and shortly after succumbed to prostate cancer on April 21 1995. He is the man who was treated in room 214A at Fox Chase Hospital in Philadelphia... the same room that I was in when I had my lung cancer surgery. 

Like I said in the blog post before where I talked about Arthur... I did not know him. I never met him. Even though Arthur and I did not have a relationship, he inspired me. His story has had an overwhelmingly positive impact on my life in so may ways. 

I was a fan of their team and their run. His team consisted of a few brothers and a white boy. What up Kev? That was unheard of in the Poconos at that time. Most of the teams were predominantly white in that area.While their team name was the Cavaliers, Arthur's squad could have just have easily been named the Trailblazers, due to all of the barriers and stereotypes that they broke down.  

I was also a fan of Arthur's spirit. Over the years, so many articles have be written and so many stories have been told about how Arthur's approach to life helped out the lives of others... even countless years after his death. Arthur has been dead for 22 years He lived to be 19 years old. He has already been dead longer than he was alive for. That does not matter.  His legend and memory continues to grow...  as it should. He was truly something special. 

In Austin TX, I had the absolute HONOR AND PRIVILEGE to hear how Arthur's life impacted the life of another man. 

 

This is my friend Hassan and his family. He also is the father of two other young daughters. Before I tell you the story he told me... I want to tell you a story about him...

Hassan was a MAJOR inspiration in my life. Hassan was on the East Stroudsburg Cavalier High School basketball team with Art when the team had that great state playoff run back in 1994.  He and his crew would pack themselves into Kev's car and drive to all of the basketball courts that had the best competition in the Lehigh Valley. 

The first time I met Hassan, I knew he was different. We were at a basketball court in Bethlehem, the neighboring city to my hometown of Allentown. When he shook my hand, he shook my hand like he just finished making a business transaction. He looked me in the eye, smiled, was pleasant, and introduced himself. He had a white girlfriend. He had a college degree and a good job. 

Now let me put things into context here. There were probably at least double digit felonies committed by the players on the basketball courts around the way that I played with during that time. Basketball courts in the hood have testosterone flowing everywhere. There is always a knife within arms reach and a pistol in the car. Blessings to Armando Rodriguez AKA Mondo, the man who was murdered at the basketball court at Valania Park in Allentown while hooping. I was in the park that day. My son and my mother were in the park that day. I could go on and on, but you get the idea. The park can be a not so nice place to be with some not so nice people. 

So when you see a man who is so nice and so pleasant like Hassan a a place like that, you take notice. I loved the fact that he shook my hand like he did. I felt like that meant he respected me. I felt like that meant he looked at me than more than just some hood cat. 

When I got to know Hassan, I really got to understand how fascinating of a man he is. He is extremely educated, well traveled, and respectful. He is extremely cultured. He had great perspective. He was always the guy calming everyone down, reminding everyone it was just basketball and that nobody needed any more felonies.He was a great father and loving husband. How did this happen? During this conversation in Austin, Hassan would give me that answer. 

I did not know this, but Hassan used to live with Arthur. Due to a multitude of family issues that Hassan was having, the Perryman family ended up taking Hassan in. 

Arthur and Hassan were friends prior to Hassan moving in with the Perryman family. The bond that was created when they moved in together could not have been described as anything other than brotherhood. They did EVERYTHING together. Basketball, football, video games, and everything else in between. 

Hassan told me that while he was a pretty good athlete himself, Arthur was great. Arthur was SPECIAL. No matter what Arthur wanted to do, he could do it. If Arthur would have picked swimming, lacrosse, or volleyball, Arthur probably would have become the best at that. He was just that gifted. 

While Arthur was also a special athlete, Hassan went on to tell me how Arthur was a special person.  He told me how Art was the protector. he told me that Arthur was the voice of reason of the crew. He told me that his crew would chop it up in their man "Oop's" basement.  He told me how Arthur was the glue that kept everyone together.

The life and death of Arthur Perryman III impacted the lives of so many people in so many ways. In reference to Hassan, Arthur was a bridge. 

If it wasn't for the inspiration of the life of Arthur Perryman III, Hassan Beyah would not be the man he is today. Hassan may have went back to his unfortunate circumstances as an adolescent, which could have potentially led him to becoming another statistic. Instead, Hassan has a beautiful family. Hassan has a prospered and has had a great career. Hassan is well traveled. Hassan runs an inquisitive group on Facebook that encourages positivity and inclusion. It has done so much for its members since it's inception. Hassan himself has become a bridge. 

During the conversation between Hassan and I, Hassan's true feeling really showed through. I saw the subtle emotion he showed when he talked about Arthur. I saw the water bubble in his eyes. I saw the sweat on his brow and the hair stand up on his arms. I felt it. 

During our conversation, Hassan told me that he still carries a picture of Art in his wallet. I asked to to see it. Here is a picture... 

The picture in Hassan's wallet is just about 30 years old. Hassan's wallet was definitely not 30 years old. If you look at the picture, you cannot see Arthur's face. What was so telling to me about the picture being in Hassan's wallet all of this time is that Arthur is still there serving as his protector. He is still serving as that inspiration, and the thing that even after 22 years keeps things together. On March 3, 2017, Arthur Perryman III is STILL the bride for Hassan Beyah every single day. 

I am going to take this one step further. On March 3, 2017, Arthur Perryman III is now a bridge for ME. When I think about Arthur, I feel exactly how Hassan feels when he remembers that picture of Arthur is in his wallet. I feel alive. I feel inspired. I feel like I can take on the world. 

Arthur is still the bridge for many other people today. His sisters are all extremely successful. All of the members of that East Stroudsburg high basketball team he was on went on to be good people. Arthur's story has meant so much to me, and I wanted to keep it alive. I wanted to continue to share his story, even tough he has been dead for 22 years. I want to thank Hassan, Arthur's sister Chrissy Perryman Campos, and the entire Perryman family for giving me the honor and privilege to share their loved ones story. 

Arthur Perryman III... 2/13/76 - 4/21/95

It is fitting that Arthur was born around Valentines day. Here is whay: 

Arthur Perryman III is love. 

He has always been love. He always will be. Love keeps everything together. Arthur always did that. When I think of Arthur Perryman, I feel love. 

Do you feel me? 

While Arthur is love, he is also a bridge. I am going to have to call in all of my favors at my alma mater(East Stroudsburg University) for an idea I had. It is only right that a bridge in the city of East Stroudsburg be named after Arthur. That man is a legend. That men is an inspiration. That man is a bridge! He kept things together. He led people the right way. I think the city of East Stroudsburg should somehow commemorate this man by naming a bridge after him. East Stroudsburg... get it done. 

Back to Hassan. If it weren't for Hassan, I wouldn't shake hands like I do. I could be around 1000 hood cats, and I will shake your hand like I am at a business meeting. I vividly remember the feeling it made me feel when Hassan shook my hand like that. I felt important. I felt like I had value. He instilled that in me. If you have ever shaken my hand, that is why I shake hands like that. He showed me that it was ok to be the nice guy. Hassan was also tough and no sucker, and if you tested him you would get dealt with. He showed me you can stand up for yourself too. He showed me that basketball was just a game. He broke up so many fights. He showed me that it was ok to date a white woman. This was no small thing for me. As I child that was half black and half white, and it was difficult to maintain a certain level of blackness. I felt pressure to date only minorities. Hassan liberated me.  I honestly picked up a lot of people skills from him. 

Our conversation was great. We talked about everything. It made a few hours feel like a few minutes. Time... you are tricky. I left feeling so inspired. I left wanted so much more. Above all else, I left extremely grateful. Thank you Hassan. You have been a major inspiration in my life. You have been a bridge. I love you my brother. 

--

And that was my time in Austin. While I was in Austin, there was an event that was occurring at a particular place in Allentown that I wanted to talk about. 

Pictured about is the PP&L Center. On Wednesday, the Allen High School Basketball team played a game at this location. 

Prior to the game on Wednesday, the Allen basketball team only lost one game on the entire year. The team is extremely exciting, led by Talek Williams and Tyrese Martin. They run, jump, and dunk. They are fun! It is hard to get a ticket for an Allen game this year. Their games have been sold out for pretty much the entire season. Here is a picture of the team... 

The game on Wednesday was a district playoff game. The winner would advance to the district final. The loser would still advance to the state tournament. 

From my understanding, this game was like the biggest family reunion Allentown has ever seen. I saw all of the pictures on Facebook. I missed it. Damn. Anyway... 

Unfortunately, Allen lost the game. I saw the posts on Facebook by Talek and Tyrese. Both of them stated how they felt the pressure. Both of them stated how they felt like they let the city down. This message is for the two of them:

I have never said a single word to either one of you two. I just watched. I could have at any point in either of your lives just jumped in like many other adults I have seen attempt to. I am not saying what other people do is for better or for worse, I am just saying. 

I never wanted either one of you two to think I was trying to finesse my way into your lives in search of some malicious individual pursuit. I never wanted to put pressure on either of you either. I could have easily went into Coach Snyder's office and gotten a sit down meeting with either of you. Tyrese Pam is the homie. Pam and I have been cool before you were even born. I could have gotten into your living room if I wanted to. Talek I know your entourage too. I could have been in your living room without a problem. 

This message is important and I hope it finds the two of you. On a smaller scale, I understand the pressure of being "that guy" when you are the best player on a team. You always have people jumping in your face telling you what to do, how to do it, and why you should do it. As a kid your age, you never know who is who, who has negative intentions, or who is seeking to use your name for a payout. You always have people telling you how they want you want them to win so bad, and that they will be cheering and praying for them. 

I understand the pressure of the bright lights. You came up short. You feel like you failed. EVERYONE was there. Everyone saw it. 

After seeing your Facebook posts, I feel compelled to reach out to the both of you, as well as to the entire team and coaching staff. I was once a member of the same staff. I want you to know that the score of the game did not matter. You won waaaaaaay before the game even began. I want you to truly understand the impact of what you did. 

I heard stories of people not seeing each other for over thirty years, but eventually meeting up with each other at that game. I saw beautiful pictures on Facebook. I heard stories of re-connection. 

Talek, Tyrese, and the Allen Basketball team... that is your creation. You created love. Your brought it all in one place on one special night. You brought it to Allentown's new crown jewel. You should be proud! That seemed like it was an extremely awesome experience. Here are some photos... 

If I would have went to the game, I would have been with this crew... 

You always hear about class reunions. You have the class of 1998 reunion, class of '77, etc. From what I understand, Wednesday was like "thee" Allen reunion. 

Now here is the good thing Allen... you are still in the state tournament! I need you gentleman to understand that no matter what happens for the rest of the season, the season will have been a success. You brought people together. You created love. You created positive energy and saved lives. Everything else is icing on the cake. 

With that being said, as your season continues, do the things that got you in the building. Live on the edge. My mom asked me why Tyrese through the alley opp between his legs to Talek. If you know the team, you know the play. She said at that moment it wasn't a good idea. I told her... that is why they are great. They take chances, live on the edge, have fun.... and a beautiful thing eventually manifests. That is why they win. 

The state tournament is ahead, and I am wishing you all nothing but the best. Good luck fellas. 

---

I am not even going to front... I was disappointed that I was unable to attend the game. I knew that game was going to be a once in a lifetime experience. Well maybe... 

You know I am creative. I got to thinking. I like the PP&L Center. Since it was built, I always wanted to have a party there. I like 90's music. I wanted a "feel good" party. Kids, good music, and pure fun. 

Could I get the building? I don't know. I am about to find out. I want two people to plan a party for me at the PP&L Center when I come home. I want the building. 

Here are the two people I want to plan the party, and here is why. 

Meet Jules. I mess with Jules. Jules is a barber. Just the other day Jules was on Facebook venting about his career. Being a barber is tough. You stand on your feet all day. People talk to you about their problems all day. Some days work is slow, and sometimes it isn't. Braids were popping in the early 2000's. That means people weren't getting haircuts as much, and Jules wasn't getting paid as much money. 

The work a barber does in invaluable. I can argue that being a barber is more important than being a doctor. Jules has been doing something his whole life that doctors and all types of professionals attempt to achieve. Jules instills confidence in people. That fresh shape up makes a man feel brand new. That fresh shape up is the reason for a few marriages, a few babies, and few family reunions. That was Jules. Those haircuts made convicted felons look presentable in court. Jules kept a lot of brothers out of jail. Jules has cut the hair of people who have passed on. I could go on with the analogies. My point is that Jules has put so much positive energy in the world. 

In life, sometimes there are people and circumstances that leave people feeling underappreciated and undervalued. A barber will never make his true worth. I wanted Jules to help me plan this party because he likes the music that I like. He can also throw a good party. 

That isn't all. I want him to reap the benefits. He is due. I can get 8000 people into the PP&L Center at 6 dollars a piece again. I believe it. Do you believe in me? People were willing to contribute much more than that to me so I could tell this story. I want Jules to receive half of the profits from ticket sales, food, entertainment, etc. This will not be free money though. I want a dope party. Jules, I want you to plan it. Go. 

Now we all know Jules. Jules is my man and I love him. To plan a party as big as I envision though... especially with the intricacies of renting a facility as big as the PP&L Center, Jules is going to need some help. 

Enter this man... 

This is my friend Luiz Garcia. He is running for the mayor of the city of Allentown. While I love Ray O'Connell, Luiz is the clear choice. Luiz is the future. The Hispanic population continues to grow in the city of Allentown. It has been trending that way for 30 years. We need a man that understands the entire city. 

While Luiz will undoubtedly be able to relate to and lead the Hispanic population of the city of Allentown... he is a true man of the people. He is well traveled. He has has a decorated naval career. He is a police officer. I don't know all of the specifics, but his resume is impressive. He is always volunteering. He is definitely the man for the position. 

Even beyond his qualifications, he is a good man. I remember when Luiz was a young junior on a senior heavy basketball team when I played for Allen. That year, the only way Luis played was when we won by 50. We did win by 50 a few times. I got to know him he was a bright eyed young kid. He had big dreams. I could see it in in his eyes. I could feel it in his spirit. He believed he could do whatever he wanted. He carries that same energy and spirit today.

Here is Luiz's website. Visit to support the cause... 

https://www.luizgarciaformayor.com

Who better to help Jules plan an "event' other than Luiz and his people? It could be multifaceted. It could be a "campaign fundraising rally" for Luiz, and simultaneously be the Allentown Reunion that I missed. What if more people come and it is better? What if the building is open, and the party continued outside? What if Sugar Hill had a booth and sold food? What if Queen City BBQ did too? What if we shut Hamilton St down? The weather will be nice when I get home. Half of the proceeds could fund the mayoral campaign of Luis, and Jules could keep the other half? 

WHY NOT????

There is one more thing I want. 

I want the bridge. 

I believe in myself. I believe that my book "A collection of our thoughts" can still change the world. The number one book on the New York Times Best Seller list a few weeks ago was "1984," written by George Orewell in 1949. That was just about 70 years ago. How awesome is that? I think my books are that good. They are out there, they just need to found. I feel like with my soon to be released book "While you still can," and this untitled work , I am creating something to save the world. Once i do that, I can bring the attention to Allentown that it deserves. It is a great city. It should be visited. It should be celebrated. A lot of great has come from it. 

For that, I want the 8th St. Bridge. Albertus L. Meyers bridge sounded cool for a while, but the bridge name could use a refresh. I don't think Meyers would mind. The Kyle Kostic Bridge does look pretty good too doesn't? 

I believe we can make it happen. I believe. WE. I am going to continue attempting to tell a great story of humanity. I have SOOOOOO much more to share. I am in Holloywood, CA for the next few days. My work is out in the world. I need Allentown to spread the message. I am the bridge Allentown. Once I get on, I promise I got us. I will put you on too. I will tell everyone how great of a city we live in. I will continue to tell great stories about a placed that produced true greatness. But I need your help. Help me help you. I am the bridge. I left Allentown to be great. I left Allentown to be found. Share this work, and let the universe do its thing. I am going to come home, and we are going to have a party. Like I said, the event that I envision would be  multifaceted. It can be a bridge naming party too. 

Do you believe? 

I do. 

One more thing... 

For the party... we should all wear the same shirts! With the world being what it is, wouldn't it be cool to wear a shirt that said this to my party... 

This shirt is made by the company Random Objects. The company is owned by my friend Anthony Simpson. We met at "Fight Club." I have ordered from Anthony from time to time. His messages are always positive, and I love showing him support. 

When I got home from the hospital after lung cancer surgery, there was a package in the mailbox. I hadn't ordered anything. it was a package from Random Objects. It was this shirt... 

What an amazing gesture. When I read the letter he wrote, I cried. Here is the letter... 

What a gesture of humanity. I had never met this man in person. We only had a few conversations. Despite that, when this man found out about my surgery, he went into one of my old orders and found my address. He mailed me the shirt. Wow. 

World, support this man and is business. His website is https://www.randomobjects.net/. Buy up his product. Email him and create demand. His message is positive. Lets pre-order at least 8000 colorful shirts off of him! He deserves it. Anthony, get to work. 

So that is where I am at. I have been listening to J. Cole this entire time. When thing he always said was... "If you didn't aim too high, then you aimed too low." Is the dream big enough? 

I think it is just right. 

Like Arthur Perryman III last words... I am asking you to let me go. 

I am not saying that because I am planning to die though. I am saying that because I want you to let me go live. i want you to let me go be great. I have no fear. Whether I have fear or not, it is all going to end the same. This has been well though put. 

Believe in me. 

Share our story. 

#weareallentown 

#thekylekosticbridge

#ITSTIME

www.kylekostic.blogspot.com

Love.