I am coming home.

It is Sunday, March 19, 2017 at 12:08 pm. I am on the balcony of a hostel in Venice Beach, California.

It has been a week since I had what I am calling “my emotional death.” After my rebirth, I have had a lot of time to ponder the world, ponder what I now think I know, and ponder what my next move will be. 

All of that pondering has led me to make the most important decision of my life:

I am coming back to Allentown.

When I woke up this morning, I took my medical marijuana dosage. I then decided to do some yoga on the beach. The sun was shining and the wind was blowing. The ocean was blue, the birds were chirping, and the atmosphere was energetic. The temperature wasn’t too hot or too cold. It was the perfect morning.

Yoga really gives me a clear mind. After my little 30-minute session, I attempted to fill my mind with positive thoughts for the remainder of the day.

Immediately after I completed my yoga session, I walked over to Muscle Beach to work out. The equipment there gives me the ability to complete a very good full body workout. I also found a few LA Fitness locations that are in walking distance from where I am staying. I am glad I am a member.

After my little weightlifting session, I did some burpees on the beach. I also ran up a sand hill 10 times for cardio. It was a great workout.

After I finished doing the hills, I went into the ocean. Even though the sun was out, it was only 8 am and only about 60 degrees. The water was extremely cold. I needed to go into the ocean though. It helped my body rejuvenate. It felt so good.

After my workout I grabbed some breakfast on Main St. I always complained about the lack of healthy restaurants in the Lehigh Valley. Thankfully, that is no issue here. There is a vegan restaurant on every corner. There is an organic spot on every block. Avocados come with everything. There are almost too many healthy choices.

It is good that there are a lot of healthy restaurants everywhere, because I really have an appetite. I am always hungry. Ever since I have gotten to California, I have been consistently taking my medical marijuana. It has helped me sleep. I am extremely rested. I have been sleeping for 8 hours a night. This rest has given me energy. It has enabled me to work out. When I went to LA Fitness, I was surprised at how much strength I had. I have been there 3 times in the last week. While I did lose some strength due to my surgery, I am actually stronger than I thought I would be.

I am healing.

After I ate, I went for a long walk. Again, it was the perfect day. I saw people rollerblading, riding bicycles, sun tanning, reading, surfing, shopping, smoking weed, eating, and just enjoying life. What a place.

After I let my food digest, I went to the basketball court. Venice Beach has 8 courts. I shot some jumpers. I stayed within 15 feet. I can still shoot. Even though I was a little weak due to my surgery, I didn’t have any pain. I practiced my dribbling. I still have it. It is still there.

This was week one. Even though I am limited in what I can do, that is ok. I am patient and disciplined enough to go after a long-term goal. I also have an insane work ethic. I also cured my cancer, so I plan on being around for a long time. I will get it all back.

My basketball workout was great. I then took a shower at the hostel. I can almost see the basketball from my hotel. I could have taken a shower at LA Fitness too, but I didn’t have to today. It is good to have that option though.

After I got out of the shower, it was about 12 am. I found a really neat bookstore on Venice Beach. I spent an hour in the store. I have fallen in love with abstract art. I talked to the owner for about an hour. I told her about my book, my two upcoming books, and my cancer story. She was really nice. She told me to come back soon. She also she told me that she hoped that she would have my books in her store one day. I ended up buying a book entitled “Judge This,” by Chip Kid.

After leaving the bookstore, I got something to eat. Again, I am always hungry.  I had a falafel dish from the Mediterranean restaurant that is right across the street from my hostel. The owner is from Egypt. The restaurant is called Cairo Cowboy. We have gotten cool. I told him about my time in Cairo and Luxor. I showed him some pictures. I have just been hanging out there, talking to the owner, and doing some writing.

After I finished eating, I then took my book and went to the beach. I sat there and read. After looking at the book for a while, I decided to listen to my music. After listening to my music for a while, I decided to take a nap. I then read my book a little more. I then decided to walk again.

There are a lot of interesting people in Venice Beach. While I have been going for walks, listening to music, and exploring... I have been noticing a lot of interesting businesses, parks, and other areas. I have also noticed one extremely interesting thing that has been happening:

People have been noticing me.

I feel like since I have been reborn, I have changed. I feel infectious. I can hold my urine longer. I can tolerate spicy food better than I used to. I actually initiated a conversation today. That is a big deal for me.

My clothing is even different. I used to wear mostly dark clothing, but my wardrobe has evolved. I love color now. I have found some consignment shops here in LA, and I have been trading some of my old clothing and shoes for some new stuff. I actually have a pair of Jordan’s. If you really know me, you know how big of a deal that is.

If you see me with some new clothing, I want you to understand that I did not pay for any of it. It is amazing what you can get in return for the rarest article of clothing in the world… a piece of clothing that I USED to own.

I had to get rid of it.

It was too “dark.”

When I walk on Venice Beach, I feel like the women are taking notice. I feel like they see me and they are curious. I am kind of wandering and doing my own thing though, so I am not really paying attention to any of that. I have been propositioned a few times. I have had a few conversations. I have a few phone numbers. I have eaten dinner with a woman. I have spent an entire day with a woman.

During our conversations, I have been forthcoming with my story. I am not trying to get with any of these women. I am just expressing myself. It feels good to be me, and to tell the real truth. 

They are loving my honesty. 

They like me too.

I cannot lie… some of these women are beautiful. This is California. They are kind of weird and kind of quirky, just like me. A lot of the women here are racially ambiguous. There are so many odd 30-somethings that are tired of the bullshit. While I am in no position to entertain a woman or any type of relationship right now, I know that I will not say no to every single woman every single time if I stayed here. I will eventually move on. 

I met a woman at my hostel that quit her six-figure job mid-day. She literally got up, walked out, and moved to California in the middle of her shift. She told me that she loves her new life, and wishes she would have quit sooner. I met someone who did not like Brexit, and just left the UK. I met a woman from India who moved to California because she was tired of the feminist oppression that she experienced in her native land. I met a man that has been to every country in the world except for 3. 

I have heard a ton of these stories. They all sound like mine. Fuck the establishment. I am around like minded people with similar feelings on the current state of society, which is pretty neat.

With all of that being said, I am coming home. The decision was too easy to make. At this point in my life, my environment is extremely important to my development and growth.  It is arguably the most vital component for me as I attempt to heal going forward.

When I get back to Allentown, I am going to get rid of everything I have. I am going to have a yard sale. I am going to sell both of my cars and get a van.  Even though I already resigned from my job, I want to personally thank my boss and my director for the opportunity they gave me to work for them. I am going to close my bank account and cash out every investment that I have. I am going to do my taxes. I am coming back home to Allentown to get my affairs in order.

I am coming back to Allentown, in order to prepare to leave Allentown.

I am moving to California.

If I really want to be healthy and I really want to live a long and happy life, that process needs to begin here. This is a place of healing. Staying in Allentown is no longer a choice for me. If I lived in Allentown, I would have legitimate health concerns. Moving to California is literally a life and death choice for me.

If I stay in Allentown, I am at the mercy of Pennsylvania law. While medical marijuana is legal in Pennsylvania, it cannot be subscribed to me for around another two years. The doctors in PA are not trained to subscribe it. What about the red tape for dispensaries? Who knows how long it will take in order for me to be able to get legitimate medicine in Allentown.

I do not have two years. 

I cannot tell cancer… “wait for two years until the cure is legal in my state.”

This needs to happen now.

If I stayed in Allentown and played by the rules, I would die. My doctor really wanted to give me a port in my shoulder. He wanted to administer chemotherapy and immunotherapy on me, starting in December. Imagine if I would have been doing that since December? I would have lost weight. I would not have been eating. I would be taking all kinds of opioids. I would have all types of poison inside my body. I might be dead. 

My doctor really wanted to kill me.

When taking all of this into consideration, moving to California was a no brainier. I can legally get medical marijuana here. The weather is warm and conducive to healing.  Didn’t it just snow in Allentown? Yesterday it was 75 degrees and sunny in Venice Beach.

What is better for me?

Do you want me to be healthy, or do you want me to live in Allentown because it will make YOU feel better?

This must happen.

I am choosing life.

My daughter has already called me crying. This time was not like West Virginia. I stood firm, and stood tall. I asked her... “Do you want your father to be alive or not?” If the answer is yes, then I need to live here.  

I want my daughter and her mother to live here too. I want my daughter’s mom’s boyfriend to come. I want her to be happy. I will help them. While there is opportunity in Allentown, Los Angeles is the second biggest city in United States.  There is plenty of opportunity here too. This environment would be great not only for my daughter, but for her mother too. 

If my daughters mother decides not to come, I am going anyway. Again, I feel like I have no choice. I did my part as a father and still plan on being the absolute best father that I can be. If my daughters mother decides not to come, I am going to attempt to eventually create an environment here that would enable my daughter to stay for an extended amount of time. Eventually I want her to maybe even have the option to move here with me. If my daughters mother totally rejects the idea and wants to put me on child support, so be it. I will not duck my responsibilities.

Ideally, I would love for my son and my mother to come. Not right now though. I need to be alone right now. Eventually they are more than welcome to join me, as long as they are self-sufficient. I am in no position to take care of another adult, including my son.

I know my mom can take care of herself, but I do not know if she wants to come or not. Now if my son wants to come, he has to be a man and he has to be able to take care of himself. If he can articulate to me how he can come out here with me and be successful, he is more than welcome to come.

While I am in California, it is not going to be all fun and games. I plan on getting a legitimate job. Now even though I want a job, it will not be full time. It will not be money driven either. I want to work at either a bookstore, a restaurant, or a grocery store. I will not work for more than 4 hours per day. I actually have already been offered a job. 

While I was at the Mediterranean restaurant, I told the owner my story. He loved me. He told me that if I needed employment while I am out here, he would hire me on the spot.

When I arrived at the hostel, I was pretty much just a fly on the wall. There is a communal area where everyone meets. I was just sitting there being quiet and doing my own thing.

There are people from literally all over the world that are staying here. There are younger people and older people. All ages, races, and nationalities are welcome. 

After a while, people began to introduce themselves to me. I ended up meeting people from Chile, Brazil, Argentina, London, Germany, France, India, Japan, Holland, King of Prussia, and everywhere in between. The bathroom is clean. The sleeping arrangements took a little getting used to, but they aren’t bad at all. I was just spoiled.

This is a community, and everyone plays a part. I did the dishes earlier. We all ate breakfast together. People who have just met have gone out to eat together, done activities together, and just chilled together. They drink here every night. The rooms are quiet though, which is definitely needed at times.

I hung out with the dude from Chile. A woman is waiting for me to finish this so we can go to eat together. This place promotes making connections, and encourages the building of bridges. Your race, color, religion, IQ, social status, and everything else in between does not matter.

This place is a true community, and I love it here.

The manager likes me. We have had sidebar conversations. She is black. She is from White Plains New York, so we have the East Coast connection in common. We talked about our lives. We talked about my cancer. She is like an aunt. She knows when I am scheduled to leave, and she doesn’t want me to go. I know I could get a job here. Other people who work here actually live here. I know that could be me. 

I am not sure if I want to live there though. I actually want to live in a van. I could make it work. LA Fitness locations are open from 5 am until midnight. That gives me a place to hang out for all but 5 hours per day. That also gives me a place to work out and take a shower. I already have a place to park too. B-Art works in a building that has a parking deck. It is secure. I could park there overnight every night. I could easily sleep there in a van. I would be completely safe. It actually sounds pretty fun.

Being homeless has been a truly humbling and rewarding experience. Before coming to the hostel, I spent one night on the street alone. I talked to another homeless woman who had cancer for 5 hours. She was 70 years old. It was amazing how smart she was, and how much knowledge she had. I am not sure what led her to her circumstances, but she was at one point a college professor. Homeless people at one point or another had “normal” lives too.

Have you ever been offered food? How about a dollar? Has someone ever stepped over you? I mean like how Allen Iverson stepped over Tyronne Lue? It was interesting being on the other side of those interactions. The totality of the situation was fascinating. Some people felt sorry for me. Some people were frightened of me. Some people laughed at me.

The worst part of the experience though was when people treated me like I was invisible. When you are homeless, you understand that not everyone can help you with food or a financial donation. Money is not always the answer though. A smile, a hello, and any type of acknowledgement can be just as important. Something as simple as letting a homeless person know that they exist really can go a long way in building the morale of a person in an otherwise difficult situation.

I know, I have experienced it.

This experience (as well as being poor for pretty much my entire life) has taught me to keep my overhead low. An LA fitness membership is 35 dollars per month. If I live in a van, I will only need money for food, gas, cell phone bill, car insurance, child support, and that is pretty much it. I can make that work.

Now when I am not working, it is not going to be all fun and games. I have a new purpose.

I have a psychology degree. I have had two encounters with cancer. I am a writer. I am going to use my life, my education, and my experiences to make a legitimate attempt at curing cancer.

Why not me?

Somebody has to do something. Nobody has to endure the pain that I went through. Chemotherapy and radiation almost killed me. Do you remember this? These pictures are from my first ever blog post…

I WENT THROUGH HELL. 

HELL!!!

There are alternative options. They are safer. They are better! I cannot just go back to my old life knowing what I know, especially after seeing what I saw and experiencing what I experienced. It broke my heart when I saw the other patients at Fox Chase. I knew I had something that they needed. I felt bad for them. I knew I had the medical marijuana. My experience is literally going to become my own case study. 

I have to tell the world what I think I know. I feel like I have the cure to cancer. It is multifaceted, so I will attempt break it down into 3 sections. I feel like there are 3 different things that can lead to a cure for everyone.

We need western technology. We need machines. We need accurate detection, and we need to have the ability to do surgery. Surgery can be a quick fix, and it needs to be an option.

Western technology is not enough though. We also need to meditate. I truly believe in mind over matter. I truly believe that my cancer manifested due to my issues with my mind. While I feel like my surgery cleared the cancer from my lung, I feel like me having the emotional breakdown that I had and telling the truth will prevent cancer from manifesting in my body in the future. I no longer have to conserve a bunch energy and use it to hold onto a mountain of lies. I am now free to use that energy in any way that I wish.

Meditation is not easy. It is actually pretty difficult. I feel like in order to cure cancer by using meditation for the average everyday individual, the meditation needs to be accelerated.

Enter the medical marijuana.

If you meditate while using medical marijuana, it takes you to a deep place. It takes you to an unimaginable world that I cannot conceptualize. Like I explained in a previous post, when you see what I saw…. you cannot unsee it.

I cannot unsee the dick.

This stuff really works. I posted a Ted Talk about a woman who had a similar experience as myself. In February of 2006, this woman was on her deathbed. She was 85 pounds and in a coma. The doctor gave her 1 hour to live.

While she was in this situation, she got deep. She had a vision. Now while my vision was induced by medical marijuana, her vision was induced by her coma and deteriorating state of health. She was pretty much dead, as I was. Don’t focus on that and miss the point. I am using this example to illustrate the power of the mind.  

While she was in this coma, her vision told her how to correct her cancer. Now even though she was on what many thought was her deathbed with tumors all over her body, she woke up after having her vision. Her tumors started to shrink. In a week, her tumors shrank by 70 percent. After 5 months, she did not have a trace of cancer in her body.  The mind led to this woman from having 1 hour to live, to becoming completely cancer free. No medicine, no treatment, no nothing. I feel like a similar experience happened to me.

The world needs to know this.

I am going to reach out to Anita, the woman who had that experience. Not only am I going to do that, I am also going to reach out to everyone who is working toward curing cancer. I have entered a niche community. I have been bumping into other people like myself. People have found my blog, and they have actually been reaching out to me. It is amazing to me how and who is "in the know" in reference to marijuana. The people who have quietly reached out to me after I made my marijuana revelation was kind of surprising. It is kind of mind blowing actually. 

I am going to work with others who use meditation with the intention of healing. I am going to research medical marijuana until I become am a subject matter expert. I am going to reach out to doctors and psychologists, share my experiences, and see if we can come up with something.

Now when I do this, I plan on doing it anonymously. Jay Z had a line in one of his songs that said, “The truest form of giving is anonymous to anonymous.” I really believe that. I am going to do that. I am doing this from my heart. Curing cancer is my new life purpose. I am going to attempt to achieve this goal in the dark. One thing I learned during this whole process is that you must correct what is wrong, in the dark. With that being said, I will contribute to society and work an honest job for around 4 hours per day in the light. Best believe though that I will be simultaneously attempting to cure cancer in the dark. 

I am going to do whatever it takes in an attempt to cure cancer. I am going to meet and collaborate with as many people as I can who are also in this niche community. If I have to meet with a guru in Tibet to talk about meditation, I am going to go. If I have to meet with a doctor in Germany who is working on a breakthrough and they want to talk to me about my story, I am going to go. I have joined forums and made connections. I am already working these angles, and this is already happening. 

Now I am not naïve. Doing what I intend to accomplish is going to cost money. I am going to publish and sell While we still can AND Bridges as soon as possible. I am going to get a job. Now while those revenue streams may be enough to get me by, I am going to need a little more money to assist me in moving around how I may need to in my I attempt to cure cancer.

When I first started this drive across the country, I did not want to take donations. Since then my life has led me to a position where I really do need help. I quit my job. I spent pretty much all of my money on my children.

If I do not receive one donation, that is ok. I will make it anyway. But as of today, I am literally a starving artist. I am kind of homeless, and kind of don’t have much. People have reached out and offered to help me. You now know who the real me is and who the old me was. I told you all my ugly truth, and I have nothing left to hide. If you still have it in your heart to donate, any help will be appreciated.

My GoFundMe account is still active. Here is the link. I set the goal at 1 million dollars. I have big dreams. Please share:

https://www.gofundme.com/kylekostic

So…

That is it.

This is the end… or is this the beginning? 

It is both. 

It is both the beginning, and the end. The bridge has been built. I love Allentown. Allentown raised me. Allentown made me tough, made me savvy, and made me resilient. I will always come back. Allentown will always be my home, and Allentown will always have my heart.

A new bridge has been built though. It is time for a change, and time for me to cross that bridge. It is time for me to move to California. 

I have literally been reborn. While I am in my infancy, I need to grow and develop in an environment that is conducive to health. As of today, the best and healthiest place in the world for me to live is in the state of California. 

I will continue to blog. I have fell in love with it. I will use this space for “fun.” I will do my creative writing here. I will spew my random thoughts here. I still need this space.

While I am not working or casually writing, rest assured that I will be attempting to fulfill my new life’s purpose.

I will be attempting to cure cancer...

in the dark.

Wish me luck.

I will talk to you soon.

Love.

It is Monday, March 13, 2017.

Let’s re-evaluate my current situation:

I told my girlfriend and the person I love more than anything in is this world the truth about every single lie that I have ever told her.

I am now single.

I am homeless.

I admitted to using medical marijuana in a desperate attempt to save my own life, which has probably cost me my job.

I spent all of my money giving my children the experience of a lifetime. I am broke.

I am somewhere lost in California

---

To the normal every day individual, a person might look at the current state of my life and think I am a mess. I beg to differ.

I am in a rare space.

I am in a space that many humans rarely ever go to.

I am in a space of TRUTH.

I am in a space of FREEDOM.

---

I have lost everything… or well what I thought was everything.

What I have gained has paled in comparison.

Do you know what peace of mind feels like?

Nope.

How do I know this?

Because You lie.

How do I know you lie?

Because I know YOU.

I am not going to air anyone else out, other than myself. I will say this though. If you hate me because of my actions and revelations, I can understand why:

Because I am just like you.

Go look at yourself in the mirror right now. I dare you. Look yourself in the eyes. I do not care WHO you are. Are you a 30 year Spanish woman? Are you a 65-year-old white man? Are you a 20-year-old black man? Are you my 11-year-old daughter? Yes, she gets to hear all the “bad” about her father too.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, I want you to ask yourself one single question:

Do you tell the truth?

That is a rhetorical question though, because I already know the answer.

Of course you don’t.

You are a liar.

Now ask yourself these questions

Why do you hate ME so much for what I revealed to the world?

Why do you hate me so much for telling the truth?

Those were rhetorical questions too.

I am going to give you the answer.

The truth that I told you, may remind you of a truth that you have attempted to kept suppressed. My truth reminds you of everything that you hate about yourself.

In psychology it is a term called projection… right Ab?

Ok… look yourself in the eye again.

What do you have buried inside of you?

Remember that time you got fingered at that party and didn’t tell anyone? That didn’t count, right? Do you remember the time that you fucked Jimmy on Spring break? That didn’t count, right? Vegas? Oh, boy. Remember that time you kissed Renaldo while dancing during girl’s night? That moment was special, so that didn’t count right? Right…

Remember the girl you let suck your dick at the bachelor party? It was only head though, so that doesn’t count right. Remember that chick you fucked after the club? You didn’t cum so that doesn’t count right? Right…

It doesn’t have to be all about sex either:

Do you remember the time you told you children to “Say no to drugs…” but you went to the store to hit the blunt and didn’t really get milk? Do you remember when you taught your children a religion, but you yourself didn’t really practice what you preached? Do you remember when you aligned yourself with a political party, and were forced to fight for ideals that you didn’t wholeheartedly believe in? Remember when you forced those ideals on others?

Are you listening to me?

Are you still looking at yourself in the mirror?  

It gets ugly right?

If you hate me, that is why you hate me.

I am bringing out all of those lies, feelings, and emotions that you have buried.

Go get your partner.

I DARE you.

Look them in the eyes.

Tell them the truth.

Tell them the answers to those questions.

Tell them about all of the skeletons in your closet.

Are you willing to put your life on the line?

Are you willing let EVERY wall come down?

Are you willing to get TRULY naked?

Are you willing to get nasty?

Are you willing to tell the person you claim to love your deepest and darkest secret?

If you cannot do those things, you cannot say anything to me.

That is what I did.

I am a man.

I told the truth.

Here is why:

I am tired. Throughout my entire life, I have observed. I have listened. I have read. I have felt.

I am 36 years old and I am at a breaking point in my life. I am the Pink Floyd Album cover…

I never understood this album cover, but one day it just clicked. It was after the medical marijuana of course. I am the light. I am the white light going through the triangle. That is me going through life. Throughout life I have learned. I have retained information. I have read books. I have listened. I know history.

I am at the colorful point of my life now. I have learned enough. Instead of retaining information, it is time for me to create it. Instead of reading books, it is time for me to start writing books. Instead of listening, it is time for me to start speaking.

Throughout my life I have read history.

I am now the color.

It is now time for me to REWRITE PARADIGMS.

It is time for me REWRITE HISTORY.

History was written by man.

I am a man.

It is my turn.

I am a leader. Leaders have to be radical. You will soon understand.. or at least I hope.

I am going to keep going.

---

Addy wanted me to take my last post down.

No.

Fuck that.

I am tired of conforming to false truths. I will not conform to false truths anymore. THIS ENTIRE COUNTRY IS BUILT ON FALSE TRUTHS. I did not vote in the last presidential election. I didn’t tell anyone that I did not vote, and I did not tell anyone why. Here is why I did not vote:

BECAUSE THE SYTEM IS BULLSHIT. It does not matter who is our president. The game is still the game. I am going to break this down in the form of an analogy:

Life and politics are just like a casino. The earth is like a casino that a person cannot leave. When a person is at either place, they don’t even know why they are there. While they are there though, they can purchase food, shelter, and everything else they need. The amount of money and the amount of knowledge they start out with is determined by their parents.

While they are in the casino, they HAVE to pick a game to play. It is kind of like life… you have to pick a career path in order to survive right?

Same thing.

Just as each game at the casino has rules, life has rules too. Each also has odds.

No matter what game you sit and attempt to play while you are at the casino, the odds are against you. The only thing that changes are the dealers.

In politics, our presidents, senators, and mayors are the dealers. In all honesty, they have little to no impact on the game. The game is already the game. The rules are already the rules. The odds do not change. They are just dealing the cards. 

The POTUS is nothing more than a glorified blackjack dealer. They have some power, but not as much as it seems. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen people curse out blackjack dealers for no real reason. They were just dealing the cards. The outcome of the scenario really wasn’t their fault.

It is the same thing with politics. Our president is just dealing the cards. Barack Obama is just like Donald Trump. The only difference is how they deal the cards.

Barack is that smooth dealer. He is going to make you feel good. He is relatively young. He is going to joke with you. He is hip. He knows the waitresses, so the drinks will come quicker. He controls the music, so he will play what you like.

Trump is all business when he deals. He doesn’t care what you think. The game is the game, and that is what he is focused on.

Even though Barack Obama and Donald Trump look and act very different, they are both exactly the same. They are dealers. They have the same job, they just do it in a different way. They are dealers in a casino. They are presidents of the most capitalistic nation on this earth. THEIR JOB IS TO TAKE YOUR MONEY.

I am stuck on this earth though, just like I am stuck in this made-up casino. I cannot leave. So what do I do? Well let me first start by telling you what I am NOT going to do.

I am not playing anymore games.

In my old life, everything I did was about the money. I went hard while playing the game. I thought the money would give me a better life. I had to play the game. I wanted to beat the game. If I couldn’t leave the casino, I was going to eat at the steakhouse. If I was hungry in this word, I was talking Addy to nice restaurant. If I had to stay at the casino, I was going to stay in the Penthouse. If I was alive on this earth, I had to aspire to get a big house. I had to have the most prestigious career with the coolest title. I didn’t care if anyone else was happy. I was driven to conquer it all and keep it for myself. That is what I thought winning was. I thought getting money equated to happiness.

Something changed though. When I recently went to the casino, I no longer had to gamble in order to have a good time. I looked at the carpet. It was beautiful. I looked at the lights. I listened to the music. It was energetic music, and it made me feel good. I looked at the waitresses, even though I didn’t drink or didn’t engage. I admired the beauty. I didn’t need to have it or conquer it. They had places to sit, so I could read a book or relax if I wanted to. I could write their if I wanted to. I could spend a whole day there and do a bunch of fun and fulfilling activities, without playing any of the games or without spending any of my money. Addy even came with me. We ate. We had a good time. Being in the casino and not chasing money wasn’t all that bad.

That is how my life has changed after meeting Addy.  I attempted to use Carl Rogers person centered approach to healing. Even though it took 3 years, it worked. Medical marijuana took me over the top.

I no longer chased the money. I went for walks. I smelled flowers. I look at nature now. I see the little things that I always missed while I was so wrapped up in chasing the money. I feel and experience love like I have never done before.

Addy you know this is true, because I know you can feel it in our interactions. Our sex was always good, but I know you notice the change in how I present it to you. It has become so much more abstract. It keeps getting better.

The casino is a psychological warzone.

This EARTH is a psychological warzone too.

Here is the thing though:

BOTH are manipulated.

But by who do you ask?

It is the owners… and the creators.

There is a war going on outside, no man is safe from. It is a war between positive and negative energy. It is a literally a war. This is happening from the inside of our body to the surface. We all literally consist of protons and electrons. I am not going to go that deep into this, but everything on this earth is either negative and positive energy.

Everything we ever see, feel, touch, hear, and smell determines how that energy is transmitted. If you see someone you like, you smile. Positive energy. If you see something sad, you cry. Negative energy.

WAR.

These forces can be altered. They can be manipulated. The powers that be know this.

While in America and in a capitalistic society, these forces are manipulated with the intent to take your money. It isn’t about the actual money though. It is about control. And in a capitalistic society, the person that controls the money has control over the people.

Our Earth is set up just like a casino. Most signs you see (at least the ones from smart companies) is yellow or red. Why? Because those colors tap into your subconscious, and make you want to spend money.

Why does the casino play music? Music is POWER. Music gets into your mind. Music can make a person subconsciously feel a certain way. Music can motivate and inspire. It can make people love. It can give people hope, and make them take just a little bit more money out of the atm.

Why did you think Bob Marley was assassinated? He made too many people feel too good. He was opening people’s minds with his music and his influence. You could not keep him under control. You could not keep him suppressed. He knew and understood the power of a plant, just like the powers that be knew. That is why Bob Marely was murdered. The powers that be do not want to hear the truth. The truth is not profitable. A cure for Cancer is not profitable. With how the field of psychology is currently constructed, it needs medicine. If big PHARA can prescribe a pill to a person, and that person ‘thinks’ that the medicine will make them feel better, they will be able to sell medicine forever. That is the game.  

This story needs to be told.

So when I say I do not vote, that means I do not want to play the game.

I am at a point in my life where I want to CHANGE the game.

I don’t want to change the casino though.

I want to CHANGE THE WORLD.

I believe in myself that much.

Now let’s look that the same casino, but just in a different way. Again, I encourage you to unlearn everything you think you know.

The casino has everything that everyone in it could ever need. Nobody ever has to leave, and everyone could be happy if the resources were dispersed in the right way.

The casino and the world aren’t like that though. The owners of the casino control the resources. They also control and manipulate the rules of the game. They also have all of the money.

They tell the dealers how to conduct each game. The owners know how the music, smoke smell, pretty waitresses, alcohol, and money all simultaneously have an impact on people and the games.

All throughout the casino there are constant reminders of why money is so great. There are shiny cars. There are advertisements. There are jewelry stores that you can see from the blackjack tables.

The owners create the allure of this amazing fantasy world, all to get you to sit at the table. The moment you sit down at a table and take out your money, you already lost. 

Well kind of.

You CAN win at the casino while playing the game, even though the odds are against you. They funny thing about this, is that the casino LOVES this. If a person wins a jackpot or a car, they are put on a poster, a television monitor, or advertisement elsewhere. The owners of the casino want everyone to believe that they too will be winners, even though they know that it is mathematically impossible.

Casino games all have odds. The odds are ALWAYS in favor of the house, meaning that in the long game, the house will always win. So if a person wins one million dollars in one night, that one million dollars will eventually be recouped over time with a combination of small losses from a different combination of other people. The house ALWAYS wins.

Now let me help you understand how that translates into life. There is a small population of people in this world that are the owners. They control the information. They control the media. They control the music. They control what you see in nature and on your devices. They have the HAARP machine, so they are even learning how to manipulate the weather. Global Warming anyone? They control the laws. They control the prison system.

In summation, they control everything every human ever comes in contact with.

In other words whether you like it or not

 YOU ARE CURRENTLY UNDER CONTROL, AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IT.

You have to PLAY the game. That is what you have been taught to think since birth. You were conditioned to conform. You HAVE to go to college, right? You HAVE to get that job. You have to do those internship hours. Does that 401k roll over? You aren’t quite sure why you need one, but you have to have one don’t you? Do you own your house? Is that what having a 30-year mortgage means? That is ownership? Should I lease or own my next car? I mean my car is three years old, and I HAVE to stay new right?  

Is that really how we are supposed to live? I do not know. This is what I do know though. If you DO choose to live this way, you can be easily manipulated and controlled. You are at the mercy of the owners. You are constantly being psychologically manipulated.

I have a psychology degree. One of my favorite classes was social psychology. How are you doing Dr. Buburka? I loved your class by the way. It has helped me with this.  

In social psychology class, we analyzed experiments. Scenarios were created by the psychologists. They then put multiple subjects in the same controlled environment and the same controlled situation, to see how they would react. 

The more people that are put through these experiments, the more information that is gathered from the results. Over time you can kind of predict what each human will do when encountered with a certain situation. This information can be continuously broken down by age, sex, religion, and just about everything else in between.

I say off of that to say this:

THIS WORLD IS ONE BIG SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY EXPERIEMENT, JUST LIKE A CASINO.

Everything in is world is controlled by the owners.

Everything except for the mind of Kyle James Kostic… and a few others.

Look at the scenario you are in right now.

Look at your life.

How did you get there?

You have no idea.

Here is the funny part about that though:

Somebody else knows exactly how you got where you did.

Slavery is as real and as rapid as ever. Do you know what the word conformity is? The powers that be are attempting to condition us to conform. They want us all to do and like the same thing.

Taco Tuesday!

#TBT

#MCM

Are you following me yet?

What does the word globalization mean to you? The world wants there to be one authority. The world wants everyone to be similar. The world wants everyone to like the same things, eat the same things, and desire the same things. Everyone wants the steak dinner, and everyone wants the penthouse, and everyone wants the money.

Why would the powers that be want everyone to want the same thing?

That answer is really easy when you think about it.

 Control.  

That makes the game of the world being one big social experiment easier. It has already been established that if you control a scenario, you can control people. Now let’s take this a step further: What if all people were extremely similar, and almost the same? That would make it so much easier to control EVERYONE.

Are you following me?

So I say all of that to say this:

I cheated on my girlfriend for my entire relationship. In your world and in your mind, that makes me an asshole. Try to listen to my explanation with an open mind, and try to unlearn everything that you think you know when you hear me out.

I created a world of lies. The relationship between Addy and I was one big social psychology experiment... and it worked. I manipulated Addy, and it caused her to love me.

Here is the thing though: While it was a social psychology experiment, it was simultaneously something else. I was also simultaneously using Carl Rogers method of healing and rebuilding to fix myself.

While I was creating a world for Addy in my social psychology experiment, I was also creating a new me using Carl Rodgers method of self-healing. The process was slow, but I slowly started to become who I really wanted to be.

This is what happened the other night: The social experiment and the Carl Rodgers healing process all culminated at the exact same time.

Addy, I could have not created a better environment for you for that scenario to occur. You KNOW it. While I hate clichés, you really do have to go to a far-away place and do some pretty far out things in order create and do something that has never been done.

Addy, I TOOK YOU TO THAT PLACE.

YOU LOVE IT THERE, AND YOU KNOW IT.

It was too much for you to handle.

I know it.

But you know I am right.

The paradigm has changed.

You saw true unconditional love with your own eyes, and you know it. You saw a relationship that was a million times BETTER than what you THOUGHT you and I had.

The other night, Addy and I spent a night with my friends. I am going to call them my healers, because that is what they are. They are truly special people.

These people are fascinating. They are just about everything that Addy really wanted to be. If she could have picked a location to live, it would have been that location, if she could have built a house, it would have been that house. If she could have decorated the house how she wanted to, she would have decorated it the exact same way that the house we visited was decorated. If Addy would have planted a garden, she would have done it exactly how it was done at the place where we were staying. If Addy could cook whatever food she wanted, it would have been the food she at that night.

It was too much for her.

That was just the environment. There is more.

When Addy heard my healers talk, she was captivated. She listened. She knew that they were thorough. She knew they had a linear element to them. She knew they were sharp.

This is what bothered her. They did not look like Dr. Bartolli. They did not look like Dr. Hodge. This information was not presented to her in a book, in a lab, or in a controlled environment. We were in the motherfucking WILD. Now even though everything came together and everything made sense, Addy did not want to unlearn everything she though she knew about life. She was too invested in her old life, and her old paradigm.

This is true in reference to a few things. I think she has come around to the medical marijuana. If she hasn’t by now, she NEVER WILL. I am writing this because it is my hope she comes around on one more thing:

That thing is LOVE.

My healers are a couple. They are in LOVE. And when I say love… this love is different. It is real love. In life not only did I show Addy what the best psychological theory was… not only did I show Addy what the cure for cancer is (a combination of modern western medicine practices[surgery], meditation, and medical marijuana) … I also showed Addy TRUE LOVE.

What a day.  

My healers are a couple.

They met while having a threesome with another woman.

Again, rethink everything that you THINK you know.

My healers thoroughly explained this encounter. They said that while their initially interaction began as a threesome, it eventually evolved into a twosome. When them too engaged in their initial moment of love, the third person might as well have fallen off of the earth. Prior to that moment, my healers were polyamorous, non-monogamous, or something else in between. They were wild and cray beings in a wild and crazy world.

But then something weird happened.

THEY happened.

LOVE happened.

Neither of them ever thought they would ever be in a committed relationship. Neither of them WANTED a committed relationship. Love has a crazy way of changing people though. LOVE changed them. They became a couple. Two lifelong non-monogamous people came together in a wild and crazy world to became monogamous.

That is real love.

Kanye West once said, “Love was curse by monogamy.”

He was right.

Monogamy is not natural. That is a FACT. How do I know this? That is what my college thesis was on. I know more about monogamy than most humans. I know that the research says.

Here is the thing though: You can be monogamous in a non-monogamous world. I am not talking about most of these relationships either. Most marriages are bullshit.

Can I continue to keep it all the way real?

If you are reading this, your marriage might be bullshit.

Are you willing to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if your relationship is full of lies and a bunch of bullshit?

Do you remember when you thought about your deepest and darkest secret?

Could you tell your spouse that secret?

Could you tell your parents that secret?

Is your relationship better than mine because you hold onto that secret?

Are you a better man, or woman, or child than me?

No.

If your answer to that question is no, then you are a coward.

I am the truth in a world full of lies.

I will not go back to lies.

I am tired of the world conforming to lies.

Addy wanted me to take down my last blog post just in case her parents saw this.

No.

They need to see this.

They need to know who I am really am… or who I really used to be.

The truth is raw. The truth is real. The truth is the good and the bad. I was who I was, and I own it. I own my truth. I come from nothing. I come from scum. I am crying right now because nobody understands the pain that I come from. Nobody can fully understand but me.

I found myself though.

It was through love.

Truth = LOVE

Love =Addy

It was you Ab.

You led me on the right path. How many times did I tell you that you opened up a whole new world for me? You truly did Ab.

You showed me a world that I did not believe existed. I was a poor kid from 9^th St. in Allentown, PA. I had no idea Lake Mincy existed. I had no idea how beautiful nature is. You showed me Ab. I had no clue about Tumeric and Kombucha juice. I am drinking a Romba right now Ab. I never thought that Christopher Strickland’s son would EVER want to be monogamous. Addy Elizabeth Jefocoat, YOU changed all of that. You changed me Ab.

Now let me change you.

Addy, you saw it. You saw it with your own eyes.

Addy, you cannot unsee the dick.

I showed you the world. I took you to a place that no other doctor, boyfriend, professor, or colleague could ever have ever taken you. You did not think that place existed. You loved it, and it scared the shit out of you. It is ok though. Absorb it. Take all of the information into consideration. Break down the old paradigm and create a new one. Do what Dr. Wesp taught me to do.

Addy, you know what the cure to Cancer is. You know the power of meditation. You know the power of food. You know the power of water. You know the power of forgiveness. You know the power of marijuana, and the power of Carl Rodgers.

Addy, I want you back.

I fucking love you, and I want to be with you and only you.

I know that you love me.

I know you believe in me.

You are a psychologist. I am speaking in your language, so I know that you understand me.

FUCK THE REST OF THE WORLD. WE WILL EDUCATE THEM. WE WILL MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND. WE WILL CHANGE THE PARADIGM.

Here is the thing though Ab, I only want you back on one condition:

I need you to think bigger Ab.

Addy, I love Melissa Mouchreff.

Why do I love Melissa?

It is because of her mind.

Why do I love her mind?

I love the mind of Melissa Mouchreff, because she is the smartest person I have ever met in the world. She is a TRUE GENIUS. Here is what else I love about her mind:

It makes me think about the POTENTIAL of the mind of Addy.  

Right now Addy, Melissa is smarter than you. You are the second smartest person I know Addy.

You aren’t done yet though.

That beautiful mind is still expanding. You have not had your Fibonacci moment yet. Addy, you are way too linear. I need you to become the colorful light beam in the picture on that Pink Floyd Album Cover.

If you turn on your abstract mind, there is NO LIMIT to what you can do.

It is time for the course of your life to change.

Addy, you have read more books than anyone that I have ever met.

It is time for you to start writing them.
Addy, you know every single thing about every single theory.

It is time for you to create your own.

I cannot sit around and watch you do 3000 hours of an internship. I cannot do it. That is not the life I will return to. Addy, I am here to tell you that your thinking has been all wrong. All of this time you have been attempting to learn the field of psychology. With or without me Addy, it is time for you to re-shape and re-create the field of psychology.

If you aren’t thinking that big Addy, you aren’t thinking big enough for me.

If you continue to think that way Addy, we cannot be together anyway.

---

I am a new person.

 I have absolutely nothing, and that is ok.

My mind has never been this clear. I am mentally strong and mentally safe. My cancer is cured. I am starting over in every sense of the world. I literally have no baggage. I can fill my heart, mind, body, and soul with pure truth without having to be afraid. I do not have to worry burying lies.

I no longer have anything to suppress.  

I might look like a mess right now, but I am excited for my future.

I want you to be a part of my future Addy.

Just me and you.

If the rest of the world down not understand, that is ok.

Let’s make them understand.

LET’S CHANGE PARADIGM’S TOGETHER.

That is was Sue from that store in New Hope was telling us. We are the leaders. We are the creators. I am sitting here in the middle of nowhere literally rewriting history. I am attempting to change the way people think, in order to help them achieve peace of mind while they are enamored by the distractions of the casino… or should I say the distractions of the world.

I need you out here helping me.

Has anyone ever asked you to change a paradigm with them? That is pretty fucking romantic if you ask me.

Addy, you are the only person in this world that I want to see right now.

Come get me.

My healers know where I am at.

Come on this journey with me.

If you don’t come, I am going to keep going.

Come with me Ab.

I have taken you farther than you ever imagined that you could go.

KEEP GOING.

I hope to see you soon Ad.

Love,

Kyle.

----

Before this ends, I want to apologize to anyone that I may offended. That means Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, Melissa, or anyone else in between. My intent was to make myself look bad, and not anyone else.

Here is the thing though:

Every woman that I have even been with can hold their head high, because whatever experience we had was LOVE. Ask Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, or Melissa if they ever felt anything other than LOVE during any of our interactions. It was always LOVE, and they know it.

As a young man, I just did not understand the power of LOVE. LOVE is POWERFUL. Love can take over a person. It took me over in those moments. As I grew through life, I did not know how to harness LOVE. I learned that I did not have to harness it though. Monogamy isn’t natural right?

Again, Addy changed all of that. I want to pour all of my love into her.

Love is all things. It is not just the good. Love is EVERYTHING.

Love is being able to self-correct oneself.

Love is being able to admit when you are wrong.

Love is willing to get naked in a damn yome while crying your eyes out, and expressing oneself like never before.

Love is you taking be back Addy.

You are love Addy

While I love the whole world… Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, and Melissa included… I vow to love you differently Ab.

Addy, you are the one.

Let’s make this story a story of forgiveness.

I am going to change the paradigm.

WE can change the paradigm.

We can reshape people’s idea of what TRUE love is.

Allentown is going to read this story. They are going to understand, and they are going to forgive me. Allentown is going to understand that this story is so much bigger than me and my actions.

Nani, Jess, Maria, Vanessa, and Melissa probably already understand. They know I love them, and every moment we shared was love.

Come get me Ab.

That is how this story ends.

Make it a love story.

I love you Ab.

Come bring me home.

You are the only one that can do it.

My healers know where I am located

I love you, and I will be waiting.

Love,

Kyle

To die a young legend? Or live a long life unfulfilled

'Cause you wanna change the world, but while alive you never will

'Cause they only feel you after your gone, or I've been told

and now I'm caught between bein' heard and getting old, damn

Death creepin' in my thoughts lately

My one wish in this bitch, "Make it quick if the lord take me."

-J. Cole, Immortal, 2016

The verse from this song really hits home for me. I am going to give you the genius breakdown of what he is really saying (https://genius.com/10979083). The owner of genius.com is a good guy. If you really want to understand what artists are trying to convey in their songs, his website is a great resource. Anyway, genius.com says... 

Cole feels like living legends aren’t appreciated as much as legends who have already passed away. Since all Cole wants is to be heard and make a difference in the world with his music, he feels like he has to decide between two options: die while he’s at his best and be heard, or get old and have his best work forgotten.

I get it Jermaine. When I think of my situation and my story, I have similar feelings. While my message has gotten the ear of many, I feel like me dying while I am at my best will only enhance the importance of my message. I want people to have a sense of urgency in reference to their lives. I want people to dare to be great, and dare to have the courage to chase their dreams. Seeing me NOT being able to do that anymore would be extremely impactful to others. 

I have pondered this thought for a while. My death is the best way for this story to end. Suicide was the answer. Unless you have walked in my shoes, you will NEVER understand how I feel. Suicide would serve two purposes: 

The first thing my death would do is alleviate my pain. Do you know how difficult it is for me to walk around with the rain cloud of cancer over my head for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Do you know how it feels to have a random feeling in your stomach, and automatically assume that the feeling is the "final tumor" that is going to kill you? That is the unfortunate reality of a person with cancer. That is my life. That issue would be resolved by death.

The second thing my death would do is make my story more impactful. Since I have gotten cancer, I have displayed my will to live. I have taken the chances I have always wanted to take. I have lived and enjoyed the life I have always wanted to live. I feel like people seeing my dream and my life being taken away from me would go a long way in terms of inspiring others. 

With all of that being said, I wanted to kill myself. I had a plan. I am not going to talk about it now, but I will at great length in another post I have planned. Now if you know anything about mental heath, having a suicide plan is a big deal. The plan itself is a huge step and goes a long way in reference to a person actually carrying out the suicide. I had everything in order, I was ready. 

Enter this... 

The picture above is an album cover for "Malibu," a project by an artist named Anderson Paak. One morning while I was at home, a NYC radio personality named Charlamagne tha God recommended that his audience listen to this album. (What up Charlamagne... yes, I will do the Breakfast Club or Brilliant Idiots when I get home). 

Charlamagne has been my man since back in the Wendy Williams days on Power 99. I like Charlamagne's taste in music. Even though he is "The Radio Guy," his taste in music isn't really mainstream at all. When he recommended the album, I decided I was going to check it out. 

As soon as I started listening to the album, it captivated me. I put my headphones in and just let myself go. The album was so soulful, so funky, and so truthful. It took me to a different place. 

For me, the message was packaged and presented so perfectly. It was exactly what I needed at the time. He talks about overcoming adversity, being positive, and having an appreciation for life. It is soulful. The sound itself just makes me feel good.

I am familiar with using music as therapy... and I must say it really does work. This album helped me with my depression. This album prevented me from carrying out my suicide plan. It made me want to live. 

There is one specific song that really saved me. I have the chills just thinking about it. The song is entitled "Celebrate." It is the first song in this video I made...

While the whole song is great, there is one line that I really hold onto. It goes...

"But you are doing well, I mean your not dead...  so let's celebrate, while we still can."

That simple line changed my perspective on life. Prior to hearing that, I was depressed. I was sad. I just wanted to give up on life. I was ready to carry out my plan. I really didn't care.

That line made me realize that I was still alive. That line made me realize that I still had a choice. That line made me realize I was not dead yet.

Once the message from the song really sunk in, I decided that I wasn't going to live out the remaining days of my life feeling sorry for myself. I had been given a life, and I still had some of it left. I then decided that I was going to "Celebrate," while I still could.

I love thinking about how people make what they make. I love understanding what inspirations artists draw from when they are inspired to create. It is fascinating.

This album was created in California. I told myself that I NEEDED to go to where this album was created. I wanted to tap into the energy and vibe that Anderson Paak tapped into when he made this beautiful album.

While planning this trip, I knew that California was going to be a place that I was going to want to spend a lot of time. While the album Malibu was one reason, there were many more.

We did a lot in Los Angeles. We went to a Lakers game. I casually gave Jalen Rose a pound in passing after he said no to autographs from a number of people. My son looked at me and said... "How did that happen?" I told him... "Real recognize real son."

We went to Venice Beach. We went to Hollywood Boulevard. My children got to experience a live red carpet. We went to the Hard Rock Cafe. We visited Melrose, Sunset, and Rosewood. We did a lot. I have pictures of all of this and they are all over my children's social media accounts. Everyone already knows what those places look like, and I didn't want this to be about the pictures so I am not going to post them. I wanted this post to be about the content and the message.

There is one specific place I did want to talk about though. It was this place...

This place is AMAZING. While I already revealed that I believe in GOD in the form of intelligent design, this place really enhanced those thoughts. Again, it is difficult for me to even attempt to conceptualize why I feel this way, but I really do. I am a believer. Anyway... back to the park.

What makes this place so amazing is that every attraction is the manifestation of a person's imagination. This place actually showed us how people made their dreams a reality. We went on a studio tour that taught us how movies were created. We got to see the sets, the props, and see how illusions were created. It was fascinating.

The attractions themselves were also fascinating. A lot of the attractions are merely simulations. Most of the rides are not actual rides, even though they feel like they are. In most of the attractions you are put in a room where you sit in a little car. The lights are then turned off, and the place is manipulated. You actually feel like you are in another world. The Harry Potter ride has you feeling like you are fighting dragons, flying over the ocean, and talking to trees. It is absolutely amazing that this feeling can be "created" in a room. It is truly mind blowing.

I wanted my children to understand that everything in this place was created. I wanted my children to know that they are creators, and that they can make whatever they want. I am also using myself as an example, as in displaying in the work that I am creating. I also wanted them to know the stories of other creators like myself.

Enter this man... 


This man's name is Bart. I call him B-Art in my head, because "Bart is Art" to me. If you haven't caught on by now... throughout my travels I am featuring people that are from my city. I want to tell the stories of people that dared to be great, and actually went and did it.

I was introduced to Bart via Toomey. Bart and Toomey are cousins. You remember Toomey, right? Here is a picture of Toomey and I at a basketball event that Toomey organized for me. We are holding a painting that was donated to me by B-Art...

More on Toomey later.

It has been fun to see the evolution of Bart as an artist. In our early basketball days, Bart would make our team t-shirts. He would draw these fun graffiti style designs. He would also make t-shirts and other fun styles.

As Bart grew and became a man, so did his art. He began doing paintings. He also does coasters, pillows, and various other items. Here are some of his current designs...

Bart is currently based out of Hollywood, CA. While in the area, I wanted to meet up with B-Art.

First and foremost, I wanted to thank him for the picture he gave me. That really meant a lot to me. I actually gave it to my best friend, Shannon, because it really captivated him and I could tell that he really wanted it. Plus, I like giving, and I love Shannon.

Secondly, I wanted to pick his brain. How does a young boy from Allentown, PA end up in Hollywood? How does a man go from drawing graffiti to painting Floyd Mayweather?

Early one morning while I was in LA, I was walking on Hollywood Boulevard. A California number I did not know was called me. It was B-Art. Coincidentally, he lived in walking distance from where I was. He came to meet me.

The conversation with Bart was so super duper inspiring. Bart told me that he went to Los Angeles with two things: A work ethic and a dream. After spending years of creating quality work, making connections, and building relationships, the art that Bart creates can now be found all over the world. He uses the hashtag #IMEVERYWHERE on social media. It is interesting and inspiring to see how far into the world his art has gone.

There are themes that I am learning along this journey. Everyone that became successful followed their passion. It was never about the money. It is always about the work.

With Bart, his website and company is called Maxwell Dickson. When I spoke to him, I asked him who the heck was that? B-Art told me that name was created. Maxwell Dickson was not a person, and did not exist. Maxwell Dickson is his art. B-Art did not want to attach his name or his brand to his art. He wanted his art to speak for himself. As the artist, he wanted to remain anonymous.

What an inspiring story. It is so refreshing to see someone become successful because they did something that they truly LOVED to do. It is inspiring to see someone become successful because they chased their dream. Bart doesn't do what he does for money. Bart loves making art. Bart chased love. The money and everything that came with it was all secondary.

It makes it even more special to understand that the person doing that is from my city. That gave me an idea.

Los Angeles is the City of Dreams. The city itself is an inspiration. One thing I love about LA is the energy of the city. People are inspired and people are TRYING. That effort is amazing. Everyone is attempting to chase their dreams. Even though a lot of  people may fail, the energy and effort that is displayed is infectious. I could easily move to LA, be inspired, and chase my dream. Bart already has connections. Bart's cousin Kofa also lives in LA, and already has a book being released soon...

If I lived in Los Angeles, I could use my connections to get on. I feel like I have two great products. I have something tangible to sell. I am marketable. I truly believe that I could make it happen.

I then got another idea.

It is 2017. The world is changing. I do not have to move to LA to be discovered. I do not have to move to LA to be great. In this day and age, we have the internet. The internet is arguably the greatest bridge ever created. It really makes the world small. The internet will enable me to be great and be discovered from anywhere. I just have to do the work. It will eventually be found.

Prior to going to LA, I had my mind set on staying. I could make it work in LA. Another theme arouse for me though in that moment. Instead of thinking with my mind, I again thought with my heart.

Allentown built me. Not only did it build me, it also built B-Art. Not only did it build Bart, but it also built Maria, Jess, my cousin Alicia, and all of the other people who were successful when they left Allentown. I want my people from Allentown to understand that.

I want them to also understand this: You do not have to leave Allentown to be great. You can be great in Allentown. Allentown, too, is great. I have decided to become that example. I am going to be a New York Times Best Selling author, and I am going to be based out of Allentown, PA. Instead of me going out into the world, I am going to have the world come see me. I believe that I can take the lead, and put Allentown on the map.

I have been in many places around this world throughout my life. One thing I can say is that Allentown and the Lehigh Valley can stand toe to toe with any city in the world. We have an airport. We have a basketball arena. We have minor league baseball team. The Sands is a casino. There are numerous different subcultures that are pretty neat. Allentown is extremely diverse. There are a number of colleges in the area. The economy is good. There are job opportunities everywhere. We're an hour south of Philadelphia and an hour and a half west of NYC. Allentown is a city itself, but if you wanted an even bigger city feel you are a very short distance away. Allentown has beautiful parks and beautiful landscapes. Allentown is the perfect place to experience all four seasons. Allentown is an hour and a half away from the ocean. I could keep going, but you get the idea. Allentown has a lot to offer.

I do have one issue with Allentown, and it is an issue I vow to have a direct impact on.

The vibe in Allentown can be negative. It can be a dog eat dog world. You have people willing to step on others in order to get ahead for themselves. That needs to change.

Similar to Los Angeles, I want Allentown to become a city of dreams. I want the vibe to be positive. I want to inspire people to chase their dreams. I have provided numerous examples of how this has transpired. I want to let everyone know that they can be great in part of where they came from. I also want to show people that they don't necessarily have to leave to be great. While Allentown is a great bridge to the outside world... that route goes both ways. Allentown is a destination. Allentown is great. I am going to let the world know. When I finish this book, I am going to come home and put Allentown on the map. That is my word.

This in not unheard of though. This is already being done. Let me re-introduce you to Toomey...

Toomey runs an organization entitled LVBR, which stands for Lehigh Valley Basketball Rankings. LVBR is a platform for young men who are interested in playing the game of basketball at various levels. Allentown has had great talent for years. Being located where it is though, the players from New York City and Philadelphia get most of the attention. Over the years Allentown has had some great players that weren't afforded opportunities.  This wasn't because they weren't good enough, but rather because they were never discovered.

Enter Toomey.

Being involved in the basketball community of Allentown for his entire life, Toomey understood this. Toomey knew that this had to change.

Toomey came up with the idea of creating LVBR. It is a website, scouting service, player promotional service, and everything else in between. In short, Toomey became a bridge. Toomey used the relationships he built outside of Allentown in order to bring attention and exposure to those who lived in Allentown.

Toomey has provided the exposure to those that they needed it. He is responsible for many relationships and opportunities that have led to full college scholarships. In our area, there have been many people that have gone undiscovered. With Toomey's organization in place, that will never happen again. This is amazing, and it needs to be recognized. Here are some pictures:

One of Toomey's players playing against Duke. Wow. 

What up Dookie? 

Toomey and his organization has a slogan that goes:

"LVBR...  Always watching." 

Well guess what Toomey... I have been always watching you. You have been a bridge to so many, and you deserved to be recognized. 

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I want to help Toomey. Like every other organization, LVBR needs to be funded. I would like Toomey to eventually create an annual basketball event in my name. While I want it to center around basketball, I want it to be a family affair. I want it to be like a picnic. I want his organization to receive 100 percent of the profits. He deserves it. 

Toomey has full range of control over this eventual annual event. I only have one request in reference to this annual event, and that is location. I want the event to occur at Fountain Park. I want the event to occur under the The Kyle Kostic Bridge, formerly known as the Albertus L. Myers Bridge. I want the bridge to be the backdrop. I like watching basketball, too. 

So, yes, Allentown, I am coming home. 

Eventually ;-). 

A lot of people were worried that I was going to run away from Allentown forever. Nope. I am not going to kill myself. I have purpose. Allentown is my home. I vow to make the world understand what type of place Allentown is, and what kind of people it produces. Just like LVBR... I am ALWAYS watching. If you are doing something positive for the world... you may be featured next. 

I am still out in the world. I have some really interesting things planned, and some very inspiring stories to tell. 

I will talk to you soon. 

Love, 

Kyle